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Original poster

Anyone up? Missed miscarriage

22 replies

chimayrah1 · 31/03/2023 23:39

I am 10 weeks pregnant but was told at a scan today baby has no heartbeat and measures around 8 weeks, so a missed miscarriage. They offered me expectant, medical or surgical management and I opted for surgical and they booked me in for Tuesday - have to go for pre op assessment Monday.

I am so frightened of being put to sleep. I feel very vulnerable in hospitals - will my DH be able to stay with me? Obviously he won't during the operation but will he be able to be there before and after with me? A lot of stories I've read seems to be that peoples partners are only able to drop them off and pick them up. I cant bear the thought of having to sit on a ward alone, I've had really traumatic experiences in hospital before.

Any advice and experiences would be so helpful.

OP posts:

Doodledeedum · 31/03/2023 23:47

I didn't want to read and run.
Firstly I'm so so sorry for your loss.
I'm afraid I can't comment on current procedures as I've (unfortunately) had expectant and medical only. When discussing , both times my partner was allowed in with me so I imagine yours would be allowed to be around at pivotal moments, at least I really hope he can be for your sake.
I hope all goes as well as it possibly can under the circumstances OP.

Original poster

chimayrah1 · 31/03/2023 23:49

Thank you. I'm just so afraid of being on my own.

OP posts:

DorritLittle · 31/03/2023 23:52

I am so sorry OP. Could you choose medical instead then your DH could be with you?

LittleOwl153 · 31/03/2023 23:53

I can't answer your questions... but talk to your nurse at the pre op. They will ex0ect you to be nervous/scared and a whole host of other types of emotional. Explain to them that you don't want to be left alone and ask if DH can stay or when he won't be allowed to.

Hope all goes well with the procedure.

Original poster

chimayrah1 · 31/03/2023 23:54

I really don't want medical as I had one before and the pain was completely unmanageable. Also that would need to be at home and I don't want my 7 year old to witness it.

OP posts:

Doodledeedum · 31/03/2023 23:59

I think as @LittleOwl153 has said, discuss with nurses. They're quite accommodating considering what you are there for and I've often seen partners in with each other around and about EPU's so hopefully if you tell
Them how you feel they will also accommodate you x

Doodledeedum · 01/04/2023 00:00

I mean they are quite considerate ( not considering) apologies. **

Original poster

chimayrah1 · 01/04/2023 00:03

I've had to go to all my EPU appointments alone as no one to look after my DS as we live far away from family. That hasn't been easy. There was no one with me today when I was told my baby had died. For the surgery itself I've arranged for my MIL to come and have him for the day so my DH can be with me.

OP posts:

Hawkins00 · 01/04/2023 00:07

I don't have any knowledge or advice.

All the best and positivity in these dark hours, hope you find peace and some comfort as best as possible. May the god's be with you in spirit.

Doodledeedum · 01/04/2023 00:08

@chimayrah1 I'm so sorry, that's truly awful to be on your own at a time like that :(
I suffered huge anxiety every time I had any scans because of this. I'd often begin with my eyes shut tight just in case or would request for big screen to be off. It's devastating....
I really hope MIL coming works out and your DH can be with you as much as possible x

WhoLetTheSprogsOut · 01/04/2023 00:11

My DH was definitely at the hospital with me before surgery and when I was taken back up to the ward, but that was in 2015 so a lot may have changed since then. I'm sorry you're having to go through this (again) 😢.

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 01/04/2023 00:16

I'm so sorry @chimayrah1 . I had surgery during the pandemic lockdown so sadly was indeed alone, but in my healthboard they now let partners be with you for every bit but the actual surgery. If it helps, the physical aspect of the surgery was so so straightforward and painless for me and all professionals really supportive.

She333 · 01/04/2023 00:16

So sorry to read this. Hope it helps to know that I recently went through surgical management, and my partner was able to be there the whole time. He was in the room with me before I went in, and there when I woke up. Making annoying jokes and making sure I had biscuits. You'll get through this, but I'm sorry you have to x

Original poster

chimayrah1 · 01/04/2023 00:17

Thank you so much, hopefully he will be able to stay. I'm so worried about going to sleep and not waking up.

OP posts:

Crimsonripple · 01/04/2023 00:40

I had surgery 2.5 months ago. My husband stayed with me on the ward until I went to theatre. He was then there when I was wheeled back to surgery. I went home as soon as I passed urine.

My first surgery a year and a half ago was a massively different story. I had to be on my own all day.

Crimsonripple · 01/04/2023 00:41

Correction: not back to survey but back to the ward.

Duckingella · 01/04/2023 00:48

Sending you love and support.

It was some years ago hence the booking scan being at 12 weeks.I went for said scan at 12 weeks and was told my baby had passed at 8 weeks gestation.

I had two very small children at home so the idea of either waiting for nature to take it's cause or taking the medication to induce a miscarriage wasn't an option.

My D&C was scheduled for a few days later;my husband was able to stay with me and I was treated with kindness and respect by medical staff.

It was absolutely fine medically.

I fell pregnant 3 months afterwards and she's 16 next month.She was worth everything I'd gone through prior to falling pregnant with her.

Wishing you the very best.

She333 · 01/04/2023 01:10

I understand the anxiety about not waking up, but reasoned that if I didn't wake up, I wouldn't know about it. All the anaesthetists I met were lovely, chatty and put me at ease.

Having been through expectant, medical and surgical management I would definitely choose surgical over the other options. I felt so much better looked after, and to know that it is all looked after in one day rather than days or weeks of waiting was absolutely better for my mental health. Even though I had to go through surgical a second time, I would still choose it

Wishing you all the best x

onelostsoulswimminginafishbowl · 01/04/2023 01:43

So sorry op, it's such a shitty time ☹️
I am not in the UK so it might be different but I had surgical management twice, once last year where my partner wasn't allowed in and once last week where he was with me the entire time apart from theatre. It can be a very overwhelming day but the staff are great and will look after you so well. Recovery time was minimal the first time as the baby stopped at 6 weeks, it's been longer this time as it was a termination for medical reasons at 16 weeks. The first time I was pretty much back to 'normal' the following day. Emotionally it can take some time so please try and prioritise yourself and look after yourself as best as you can. There is lots of support on here and many many women who have gone through the same crappy circumstances ❤️

Rockbird · 01/04/2023 05:08

No advice as mine was 12 years ago but sending lots of hugs. It's a horrible thing to happen. I was on my own when I found out too and it's such a lonely time. 💐

Original poster

chimayrah1 · 01/04/2023 08:46

Thank you for all your kind words

OP posts:

Original poster

chimayrah1 · 01/04/2023 12:35

Still having strong pregnancy symptoms as well which is just cruel. Boobs hurt and heartburn is off the scale horrendous.

OP posts:

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