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Feeling very lonely

6 replies

Blendinginnow · 31/03/2023 19:23

I hope I don't regret posting this but here goes.

On paper I have a lovely life. Wonderful dh and dc, nice home, a good job, enough money to do nice things, but I'm suddenly feeling very lonely.

I went from being shy but popular at school and college to eventually having no friends at all. I suspect I'm just not very likeable, almost every friend I've ever had has ghosted me. The only ones who stayed interested were users and toxic drama llamas. I've made a few friends at work over the years but it always ends up fizzling out until I'm ghosted. I'm not pushy or overbearing so I suspect I'm just boring and unlikeable. I think that I may have autism (that's another thread) but I struggle with anxiety and social situations, noise, sensory stuff, so friendships are difficult anyway and so are group situations. One lovely friend I had made through work really changed after the pandemic and stopped wanting to do anything. We had been friends for years and are still in touch but she's like a different person.

I usually stand alone in the school playground. It's not that I don't get on with the other mums, but I just can't make those connections. Small talk at a party is all I can manage. I see people standing in groups laughing and chatting and it's as if they are a different species.

Pretty sure what's started me off is too much social media and seeing people doing lovely things with friends and it's one part of my life that's seriously lacking.

OP posts:
Rollerpiggy · 31/03/2023 19:27

Oh bless you OP. I am the same , I struggle to bond with people and get a connection, but I also recognise that I see through people very quick and I avoid anything that looks like drama or insincerity- which is 90% of people sadly!

LeopardPJS · 31/03/2023 19:33

Sorry you’re going through this OP. Could you pluck up the courage to offer help to whichever of the parents gets involved in school fundraising? I feel like people are always very grateful for this and if you volunteer for a jumble sale etc you’ll be paired up with other mums and it might make it easier to get chatting if you have a job to do? Good luck and I hope it gets easier.

Mary46 · 31/03/2023 19:56

Op its not easy. I agree you might meet a few mams through school things. My work ones fizzled once I left job. My friends were through school kids or helping at book sales that type of thing.

mamabear715 · 31/03/2023 20:13

It's a tough one. I sometimes wonder whether real life leaves anything left over for friendships these days. People are so busy.
School playgrounds would have been the last place I looked for friends, tbh. Those & playgroups were so cliquey.
I've given up now & mainly just see family! I'm getting older, less mobile, & don't drive, so not much of a catch as a friend! I'm not lonely though, I see it as freedom.
Btw @Blendinginnow if you can do the party chat, you're doing amazingly well! That's my worst nightmare.. ;-)

Sillybanana · 31/03/2023 21:58

I’m sorry op. I was like this for many years. (Also suspect autism as it runs in my family). What helped me is citalopram to be honest. It helps me relax, and feel able to socialise without worrying

shadypines · 31/03/2023 22:22

Sorry you are feeling lonely OP, I know it's not a nice feeling so I just came on here to say I feel very similar to you and I'm not joking could have written your first 3 paragraphs word for word.
I can only say please don't beat yourself up, there's nothing wrong with you, just try and focus on the positives and whatever interests you have and things you enjoy, no matter how big or small.

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