My sister (30f) is ignoring me and has told me not to contact her because she doesn’t deserve ‘this’
There is no back story, I am perplexed. We announced we were getting married and she has fallen silent ever since. I feel hurt by this as I’ve always tried to do well by her and DN, who is still less than a year old. I’m missing out on being an auntie because of her hot and cold behaviour towards me. She picks me up and puts me down when she likes and I always make myself available to her because I hate to think she’s feeling lonely as a new mum, her DH works such long hours and sometimes works away so I always respond when she decides she’s ready to talk to me.
It does feel a bit Jekyll and Hyde. We haven’t had a good relationship all of our adult life. She has enjoyed telling the narrative where I am ‘disinterested’ in her and she feels neglected by her sister, and cries to relatives that she wishes things were different. This baffles me as I am always there just sometimes unable to drop everything for example if I am at work all day I might not be able to go over for a coffee until the following day. I’ve tried sitting down with her and talking about why she feels this way but it becomes very volatile very quickly. She then cools off very quickly, has what I can only describe as a strange look in her eye and will begin saying I am sensitive and pick her up wrong/take offence where none is meant. She is so clever with this that I am always lost for words.
She doesn’t like my hubby to be, I think this is because he is from another (English speaking) country but she of course hasn’t given this as her reason. He always acknowledges her and asks her how she is but she will look him up and down or talk over him.
We were getting to a good place after DN was born and things were happy for a few months and very focused on her, rather than DN or anyone else. DN is a fantastic little soul and the centre of the family and very much loved, I will say.
I thought things had changed but as I say now she is ignoring me again and has recently told me it’s my fault she isn’t close with her daughter as she has spent so much time trying to chase a sisterly relationship with me, that DN has lost out as a consequence! I feel so awful!
It feels like a constant game of push-pull and I’ve no idea why she does this as we got on so well as children. I want to be there for her but I have no idea why she must create drama and tension, which is what it feels like
Does anyone have any advice? Do I need to just get a grip of the situation as my friend has suggested and confront her directly?