No respect for teachers or nursery staff

[Lostmummy5]

I can't understand why people just being rude and have zero bloody respect for teachers and nursery staff?
First, we live in quite deprived area in London (lots of families with problems, lots of single parents, problems at nursery /school, etc).
My son goes to school nursery and staff is AMAZING - caring, very friendly, very professional. My son is super sensitive and he comes home super happy after nursery. He learned a lot, he is talking every day about funny activities, about nice teachers, etc.
I'm feeling very grateful and always want to say "thank you" before holidays.
I tried to organise something at December. I understand that it's hard time financially, so my husband got some free boxes of chocolates from his workplace and I suggested to gift them for nursery teachers on parents what's up group. I just asked them to sign a card. They all started to moan that it's their job and we shouldn't feel we need to gift them something (I clearly said that we got these chocolates for free and I don't need any money from other parents).
This week I tried to do something similar. Got some free chocolates again and suggested for parents to sign a card. The same story. So I simply gifted these chocolates for nursery staff today.
I was shocked by some of the comments - "they didn't deserve", "why you give them chocolates if they are always striking", etc.
What's wrong with that? Am I really an idiot thinking that people who spend all day with our kids, teach and support them, deserved at least "thank you" and chocolate?

I think it’s really nice that you want to show your appreciation, OP, and I’m sure the teachers are grateful. But I also know what it’s like to teach in a community where a gift for a teacher and even a card is the last thing on the list of priorities - especially in the current climate where even people who didn’t struggle before are feeling the cost of living crisis. So I’d much rather one heartfelt card or even a note or email than a gift and signed card personally. I understand the chocolates were free but teachers don’t know this and some parents might think - I need to get them something to show my appreciation too. And they may be struggling to make ends meet each month as it is. I know some will say “A box of chocolates cost a pound” but that’s besides the point. We definitely talked about who bought the teacher the best gift when I was in primary school so there’s peer and parental pressure.

I’m sorry to step away from the topic slightly here and I’m obviously biased as a teacher but regarding parents’ comments about striking at the school gates, I have to say respectfully that parents must not understand that to accept an unfunded offer is unethical - because we believe that schools’ funds should be spent on their children. I have been told to cut printing which is pretty difficult when it’s resources to teach. For anyone to suggest schools can fund this below inflation raise shows how out of touch they are with the reality in schools. And, for those who fail to see beyond what directly affects them, it’s not only children who used to have something like 1:1 TA support who are affected (which is saddest of all as some of our most vulnerable children benefit hugely from this support). It’s all children. Teachers aren’t being replaced, supply teaching is being run in canteens with several classes being collapsed and supervised doing a worksheet or something rather than being taught. I could go on. Such views and ignorance about what it’s actually like on the ground in schools will only make the recruitment and retention crisis even worse and fundamentally affect our children’s education.

Excuse me but what exactly is wrong with single parents please? You said "lots of single parents" in amongst a list of negatives. Please explain OP

This infuriated me

@Lostmummy5 I'm a single parents because my DH was killed by a drunk driver But I'm sure lots of people like you look at me like you do and 'assume'

Most people don’t treat nursery staff with respect. It would amaze me at how you can scream abuse at someone, then leave your child with them. It’s one of the reasons I don’t want to go back to the industry. My most treasured presents when I worked in early childhood were cards with comments their children had made about their time in care.
My favourite revenge for parents that treated my like crap was the late fee if the were one minute late. The nice ones could be 10 minutes late on their occasion and told not to worry. But if you weren’t I really enjoyed handing that piece of paper telling them it is $25 plus a $1 a minute late fee.

😄 so you judge all teachers off the ones you know?
What is it you do out of interest?

🙄

Yes, I am afraid you lost me OP at your reference to “…lots of families with problems, lots of single parents, problems at nursery /school, etc…”

Life is unpredictable. You never know if you might be one moment - sliding door - away from you too being a single parent. It really doesn’t help to demonise a group of families who are doing our best - each and every day - to solely raise our gorgeous children and give them the best hope of happiness and a good life.

I'm a single parent and have great respect for teachers, I used to be one. How rude and ignorant to lump us in with 'problem families'

My mum was a single parent for a while. She was also a teacher - I can see why a lot of people may take offence to single parent families being singled out here. Your point about there being no respect is very valid though (from all kinds of families, regardless of their wealth and set up), its the reason my sister changed her mind to do her teacher training and the reason I have chosen not to train as well. We were both very set on becoming teachers until we saw what was happening with our mum. I don't think it's just teachers though, I think attitudes towards others in general have become more negative, particularly since covid began.

Yep! I’m a TA and get all that crap too.

To be honest I'm getting fed up with all the state run/strong union/public sector staff whinging and demanding higher pay when most of us earn less, worse pensions, more hours, less sick pay etc. And my biggest bugbear is the drs surgery has started sending their frequent flyers to us for "help" grrr, run your own coffee mornings and social groups, we can't afford to subsidise them

I suppose some of the comments re striking might come across as off but I don't think not wanting to give a gift necessarily equals zero respect. A lot of teachers I know don't really expect them even though they are appreciative (although I do know some, mostly younger, who seem to live for posting their "haul" and saying how well they've done at Christmas and end of year)

Not giving a gift doesn’t equal not respecting them. Just give the gift yourself if you want to!

You can be as fed up with the people who provide you with essential services as much as you like, but have you thought about supporting them instead so that they can fight to make those services better?

Sometimes the school is amazing for you if you've got arsekisser tendencies and a kid who fits in - but it might be being absolutely shit for someone else in the cohort who is just keeping quiet about it in front of you. Had that one happen in the past when we had a teacher who basically didn't believe in any concessions for kids with SEN was making DD2's life hell.

Sometimes people just don't want to - or want to do something themselves and you waving a card around demanding signatures and judging those who don't want to might just have pissed people off. Or people may have been pissed off by the behaviour of a particularly vocal group of teachers during the pandemic (such as the NEU branch who referred on Twitter - tweet subsequently deleted - to their pupils as "filthy walking biohazards") or had a really crappy time managing to work and juggle childcare around strikes recently.

I have utmost respect for the dedicated teachers who really care about the kids - I've got fuck all respect for someone with QTS who thinks the world needs to bow down and worship just because of their existence and does naff all but go on and on like they're the only job in the world who works long hours. The damage some of those have caused my child means the days of automatic respect are long gone. Not much enamoured with those whose solution to kids with SEN is to tell them to try to be less autistic and odd either - unfortunately we have one of them going on at present.

Why don’t you get a PubSec job for the benefits then?

Or at least join a union to try and secure better working conditions.

This race to the bottom means scenarios like P&O become widespread.

Well said! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I don't think OP was demonising anyone. It's important context.

@Lostmummy5 the gifting culture is competitively patronising and toxic.

I used to be a HLTA and hated the "poor you for having this job" box of chocolates.

All I ever wanted was the kids to say "Hey Mrs Dreamysaurus. You're so flipping cool" and a high five.

Those are the things we remember and appreciate!

I ended up working in a role with clients. And a client recently called me a "piece of shit" and another client told my manager I was an "office bint".... I don't work there anymore.

There are a lot of angry people in this world at the moment.

I think your gesture is nice and it is common place at the primary school my DD was at last year to have gifts, last summer was a £300 voucher for a trainer shop as the teacher loved trainers, I think he was pretty grateful, he made a point of coming over to me at the school fete to thank me, I think he thought I'd organised it but I hadn't so that was a bit awkward. I am sure people are preoccupied with stuff and I wouldn't take it personally but yes, many people are het up at the moment, I think that is the main issue. Lots of anger everywhere.

When I was a teacher, no, I didn't work every single day of the holidays. But I did work from 7am often until 10pm and I usually worked Saturdays as well. I would much prefer working in a school 9-5 mon-fri and only have 28 days of leave per year if it meant I didn't take as much work home all the time. All my friends working in the private sector regularly met up in the evenings or on Saturdays and I never could because there was always more work to do.

Teachers are absolute heroes. They do the job with the sole desire to help your child, working tirelessly to support the most vulnerable in society, often sacrificing their own families and mental health in the process. They are not paid a living wage - many relying on their partners salary or tutoring jobs to pay the bills.
Go ahead and give those chocolates OP!

When DH was a teacher he was very appreciative of the quirky, kind and thoughtful gifts he received. But he absolutely treasures letters and cards from pupils, ex pupils and parents thanking him and telling him he has made a difference.

Tbh I'm with them. It is what they're paid and trained to do. I feel that everyone should be appropriately rewarded for their labour, and that means decent wages and conditions, not boxes of chocolates or clapping in the case of the NHS. The gift giving culture in the UK is bonkers.