Overwhelming fear that I’m going to die

[fitfitfitsfitfit]

Been the same for most of my life. I’m in my thirties. I spend most of the day worried I’m going to die. It’s a constant horrible feeling, I look for signs that I might be unwell and obsess over it.

I’ve had therapy, I’ve had hundreds of tests, I’ve spoken to dozens of doctors and nothing gets rid of the fear. It’s there constantly.

I go to the doctor and the doctor tells me I’m fine and I come home and google to check if the doctor is right.

I can never , ever, get reassurance. Or if I do, it lasts an hour at best.

At its worst I won’t leave the house. It’s at its worst just now. I have been for a walk TWICE since June.

I want to be able to do normal things, but trying to I am almost paralysed by fear and it’s just bloody easier not to try.

I started a new voluntary role two weeks ago, working weekends only, and I’m desperately trying to find excuses not to go tomorrow now because I’m scared I will feel anxious or unwell while I’m there.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared I’m slowly killing myself anyway.

Do you manage to hold down a job, op?
The thing is, we are all going to die one day. You're not living your time on earth whilst panicking about the inevitable.
Have you heard of death doulas? They support and counsel people who are dying. I know you're not Ill but I wonder if speaking to someone like that could help break down the barriers for you and see if as a normal phase of the human life cycle.

Op did you try medication for it yet?

I’m sorry you are living under such extreme stress and anxiety, you clearly are struggling to function, have you been offered and medication to help you cope?

Sounds like health anxiety and honestly I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I had in my late teens till mid 20's it was awful; started again just after the second lockdown but this time I went straight onto sertraline. I'd refused them before because I was scared to take anything even paracetamol.
I know it not for everyone but I really would try with sertraline op even starting at 25mg and see how you get on with them.

You will never, ever get the reassurance that you're seeking, in fact people giving you reassurance are likely not helping! You will continue to seek their reassurance and it's a viscious circle.

You can try to accept that you have got anxiety about death, it's not YOU, it's the anxiety. So each time you have the thoughts you can think 'yep that's the anxiety again'. Accept that the thought is there. There are things you can do e.g recognise the thought and tell yourself 'ok I'll think about that later'. Or 'ok I'll give myself exactly 5 minutes to think about this right now, and then I'll paint my nails/read a book/go on mumsnet'.

But don't beat yourself up. You can't help it and it's not your fault. Many people have a specific anxiety and yours is really hard to live with.

Regarding the voluntary work, try thinking it through to worse case scenario i.e. let's imagine that you do get anxious while there. You have options - you could go take a 5 minute breather (in the toilet or wherever) or ask to pop out as you need air. It's fine to tell someone that you feel unwell and need a few minutes. Chances are you won't then need to anyway.

Sorry I meant death anxiety not health. It's proper medical term is Thanatophobia 😖

OP, if you are dying, how would you want to spend your life? Stuck at home or creating memories, meeting new people and enjoying experiences?

Going to your GP and googling "symptoms" is just feeding into your beliefs and its entirely unhelpful.

What kind of therapy have you had?

But you are going to die, we all are. Which you must know. So you are seeking reassurance you can never get. So it doesn't help.

I totally understand how you feel. For me, it's not fear of dying but fear of having some kind of injury or something wrong that's going to hurt. I obsess over every little twinge, googling everything. I can't sleep at night and my heart is constantly racing. I do not know the answer but I wish you well as it's such a hard state to be in mentally.

@fitfitfitsfitfit big news !! You are going to die!! All of us do. You can spend the rest of your life hiding under the bed waiting for the inevitable. Or, you can enjoy what time you have left.

It's your choice.

It Appears if you walk 8000 steps it lowers your overall risk of death, so maybe grab a doggie friend, pop on your pedometer and go walking, and this will help your mental health by releasing happy endorphins? It will only take 40 mins.. it’s about 5.5 kms .. it helps my anxiety and stops me getting overwhelmed.. hugs, anxiety is a bitch, meds from doctor helped me too ..

We're all going to die including you. Do you think all of this extreme anxiety is going to make you live longer? Or prevent your death somehow?

It’s so horrible to go through. I went through a phase of health/death anxiety with panic attacks, it was awful. Psychotherapy really helped. The Wisdom of Anxiety by Sheryl Paul was useful. Pema Chodron’s writing. The Body Keeps the Score by Besel Van der Kolk. Anxiety is usually covering up grief, or trying to hold it at arm’s length. You have to let yourself go feel the grief and the anxiety will lift.

OP knows we will all die. She says herself that the worry is slowly killing her. Your post is the equivalent of saying 'just stop worrying', which is easier said than done.

This level of anxiety probably requires medication. I had different anxiety and depression and the right meds made all the difference. Saved my life, actually. Have you tried any?

Where did this fear come from? Were you parents or grandparents preoccupied with death? Or was there a particularly shocking death that affected you as a child?

But you are dying.

Every day brings you closer to it.

We all are. No one can reassure you, it's a fact of life.

Your anxiety is just destroying your enjoyment of life while you are here.

I’ve been on meds since I was 19, tried escitalopram, normal citalopram, sertraline, Prozac, duloxetine and mirtazapine. GP said she’s going to ask psychiatry for advice on what meds to give me next. They mentioned mood stabilisers a while ago, I think they said quetiapine.

No shocking deaths no. But a lot of responsibility for people from a very young age. And raised Catholic so terrified of heaven/hell.

went to see the lovely bones at 19 and remember feeling terrified of dying after seeing that. But already had severe anxiety before that too.

I’m sorry you are going through this OP. It sounds incredibly debilitating. I hope you get the support you need. Not sure if you saw the recent thread about how people feel about dying. It was fascinating to read. You may find some insights there.

a lot of responsibility for people from a very young age. And raised Catholic so terrified of heaven/hell.

Bingo. Traumatic experience for a child. If you put yourself in child-you’s shoes, did it feel like there weren’t any adults looking out for you? Imagine what it feels like to be a child in a big world with no responsible grown ups - it’s literal death.

Can absolutely understand the fear religion puts into you too, I had both those experiences too.

If you’re able to get some psychotherapy I’d highly recommend it. Even a 4 month course could make a big difference.

Btw that survival fear/anxiety is held in your body. It’s not just the talking about it that helps but feeling it - allowing yourself to truly feel it, reassuring yourself that feeling it isn’t going to kill you, and building a tolerance for that feeling. So much easier to do with a skilled professional to sit with you while you feel it all. I mean trauma and somatic-informed psychotherapy as that helps you process your body feelings/sensations.

Oh it’s the worst thing in the world. I was advised by a doctor not to google any medical things as it really can make things worse.

OP I have the same issue as you and I know how debilitating it can be. I'm not in a great place at the moment due to actual health problems but I did conquer it for a while. In all honesty the main issue is all your focus is on you and the anxiety. Seeking reassurance, having tests and even in some ways therapy is all keeping your focus on these disordered thoughts. Best things I did were -

Volunteering - focusing on other peoples issues instead of just thinking about myself helped a lot

Exercise - especially in the fresh air (gardening worked well for me). It is great for anxiety

Stopping smoking and drinking

Eating better and losing some weight

NEVER GOOGLING SYMPTOMS OR TALKING ONLINE WITH OTHER PEOPLE WITH HEALTH ANXIETY. Sorry about the bold but this is important. You need to find a way to get out of your own head. Distraction is key. Thinking and talking about it all the time is the worst thing you can do.

OP, surely being raised as a Christian should relieve your fears? You know that Jesus said He would prepare a place for us, that He loves us, redeemed us, and would welcome anyone who repents and calls on His name.
He promised us eternal life, and graphically demonstrated His victory over death by His resurrection.
I can understand an atheist fearing death, as they believe it’s complete oblivion, but I don’t see why you are so worried about it?

ADHD meds have worked for my anxiety - all sorts of anxiety. Including health anxiety, prepping etc. It's made such a huge difference, but more than the antidepressants did.