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Original poster

DH hates where we live

19 replies

Kelliesmile · 30/03/2023 16:18

Long post, sorry....
I met my DH 6 years ago, we lived in different towns 26 miles away from each other.
Four and a half years ago after weighing up the pros and cons he made the decision to come and live here with me (although I was more that open to moving to his town)
After lock down he started saying he hated living here and wanted to move back. I got where he was coming from as it was a big change for him and we discussed our options, I enquired about a transfer with work but DH then changed his mind and said he would stay here and make it work.
A few times in arguments or heated discussions he has thrown in my face he gave up everything to be here with me! Which I think is unfair as I've been prepared to move to his own town with him if that would make him happy.
So again just now the subject has been brought up whilst having a debate. Only this time things are completely different and I've told him there is no way I'm moving.
DH does not currently have a job after quitting his before xmas (cause he didnt like the new manager) this is a regular thing he does with jobs if he has a rubbish day and he hasn't really been seeking one since. He has become lazy around the house, staying up late and then not getting up till lunch time.
I am picking up extra shifts at work just to keep roof over our heads, pay the bills and feed us.
I have just said that i am not prepared to give up the house and get a work transfer to be in the same situation in his own town, plus We private rent our property and our contract isn't up until October. We would need another deposit to rent another house which we simply can't do on 1 wage!
His answer was that his mum would help with money to pay what's owed here and a deposit as she's quite well off.
What planet is he on? That is a huge sum of money to ask someone for and if I did agree to move 26 miles away he will still be the same person that gets a job for a few months, quit, then sit on his back side until he gets another. He has said it would be different and he would be happier.
I have suggested he goes back alone and I stay here. Then once he has proved he can hold down a job I would consider joining him.
To be completely honest, right now i do not find his laziness and lack of work ethics attractive.
Has anyone else found there self in a similar situation? Would a marriage survive the distance when neither of us are completely happy anyway.

OP posts:

DanceMonster · 30/03/2023 16:19

i thought you were talking about opposite ends of the country, 26 miles isn’t very far at all. Surely he can go there fairly regularly? What exactly is it he’s missing? It’s just down the road.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/03/2023 16:20

I'd send him on his way. Sounds like he doesn't actually make your life better. He also sounds a bit like someone who would be dissatisfied whatever their job/location/circumstances.

Don't get pregnant!!

Treacletoots · 30/03/2023 16:23

His issue is not that he's moved 26 miles, it's that he's a lazy sponging cocklodger who is trying to make you forget this fact by guilt tripping you about him moving a very small distance.

He's not adding anything to your life is he? You know what you need to do... get rid, and get a lodger if you need help to pay the rent.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 30/03/2023 16:26

That's half an hour! You don't need to change jobs. I would do what you said he goes back and you follow in a year or so once he is settled. Or break up I see no benefit in this senario

theemmadilemma · 30/03/2023 16:28

Treacletoots · 30/03/2023 16:23

His issue is not that he's moved 26 miles, it's that he's a lazy sponging cocklodger who is trying to make you forget this fact by guilt tripping you about him moving a very small distance.

He's not adding anything to your life is he? You know what you need to do... get rid, and get a lodger if you need help to pay the rent.

This.

bagsofbats · 30/03/2023 16:29

Crikey, my commute is double that. He's hardly 'given it all up' we go further than that for a night out!

Bin, he's hardly a catch.

mrsbyers · 30/03/2023 16:31

26 miles ! That’s hardly the other side of the country , he’s just making excuses - there is nothing to stop him maintaining social and work connections where he moved from. Let him move back if he insists but in reality either of you should be able to adapt to a half hours journey back and forward

Freespiritwannabe · 30/03/2023 16:33

26 miles is literally no distance. He sounds like high maintenance.

26 miles! If you travel at 60mph you'll be there in 26 minutes 😂😂

Ffs.

ASGIRC · 30/03/2023 16:35

26 miles is well within commuting time. Heck, you could both live in London and be that far apart!
We re not talking different ends of the country here!

Freespiritwannabe · 30/03/2023 16:36

I can't imagine why anyone would marry a man like this!

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 30/03/2023 16:37

Some people can run that distance!

Freespiritwannabe · 30/03/2023 16:40

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 30/03/2023 16:37

Some people can run that distance!

I'm pretty sure DH can fart that distance 🤔

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/03/2023 16:41

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 30/03/2023 16:37

Some people can run that distance!

And for fun too! Not just if they were being chased by a lion.

PrinceHaz · 30/03/2023 16:43

Get rid of the user. Then you kill 2 birds with one stone - no longer with a lazy sponger and you stay put.

JE17 · 30/03/2023 17:12

It's wise of you to tell him to make the move alone and prove what he's promising before you follow him. I don't think a change in location will lead to a change in attitude and personality.

TomatoSandwiches · 30/03/2023 17:19

Stick to your guns and let him make the arduous journey back home 🙄 I guarantee you will feel so much happier and resolve to leave him officially not long after.

3luckystars · 29/04/2023 15:27

Do you have any children?

if not then let him off

26 miles is really close!

JacobsCrackersCheeseFogg · 29/04/2023 15:38

Let him go.

BringMeTea · 29/04/2023 16:24

Look. The whole moving or not thing..... a red herring. Throw this one back. He's a total loser OP. You must see that surely?

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