Should I ask my mother who my father is?

[Mamabearprotectinghercub]

and if so, how should I broach the subject with her?

I’m 30 years old and I’ve never asked my mother who my dad is. A lot of people find that strange, but I guess I’ve always felt scared to ask her for some reason (not sure why as she’s a very kind caring and gentle woman) and felt like I just shouldn’t go there. All I know is that he didn’t want to be in my life when my mother told him I was pregnant. Obviously I have always been curious, but I am aware I am rejected by him, and feel like it might be worse to actually know about him.

i don’t know if anyone else here has ever been in a similar situation but just would like some advice or guidance please! Thank you.

He hasn’t bothered with you in 30 years - so no I wouldn’t ask . It is a slap in the face to those who have took the time to raise you .

that’s how I felt about mine anyway

Yes, you should. But please don't ever think "you" were rejected by him - for whatever reason he didn't want/could cope with a child. It was absolutely nothing to do with the baby you were then or the person you are now.

I was adopted and have traced both birth parents. In that search I've found that thyroids and bunions run in my (paternal) genes, not in my case that serious but both paternal sisters have had preventative mastectomies because their mother died from breast cancer. So, apart from any emotional reasons, you might want to know the other side of your genetic make up.

If you can approach it from the health angle or just very natural curiosity then I hope this kind and gentle woman will give you the answers you need.

I think it's natural to wonder where you came from. I would go down the route of you'd like to know more about your genetics. It might help your mum if you have some specific questions for her rather than asking an open ended question which might be difficult for her to answer.

I think she'll probably have expected you to have some questions at some point. Perhaps she was going to tell you but you never brought it up and now she feels awkward doing so. Hopefully she'll be open to answering your questions and you can both have a smile about how neither of you wanted to be the first to talk about it.