Pressure to be great at hobby is exhausting. Anyone else done/do team hobbies?

[Lucia23]

I'm just looking for some perspective. I've never really done team based hobbies until recently.

In my city there are x2 teams you can join to do this hobby - one just for women and the other more famous one which is mixed teams/feels more competitive because men outnumber women. With the mixed team im in the guys always talk about being on 'top form' and how great everyone was and don't reflect on nights when everyone isn't as great as usual. Sometimes you're left feeling like the failure because it's the unspoken thing and honestly I have endometriosis, so there are nights I'm not always. The sheer pressure of being on top form gets to me - it's meant to be a fun, relaxing hobby away from the day job.

Also there's a WhatsApp where the team talks every single day. I've taken to muting it but I feel like there's something off about this, like a lot of the people in the group are filling a gap in their lives with this hobby. It feels almost...codependent?

Am I just over thinking the whole thing? I'm on the verge of quitting but I'd miss the people I've met too.

A hobby is meant to be fun, this doesn’t sound like it is at all. The man team sounds macho and domineering. Can you just do the women only team, try it out if any better and if not, try another hobby I think x

You're overthinking the WhatsApp group, some people love group chats and fill their days with it. Just ignore it, there's no need for you to engage with it. My local sports club group chat has 431 unread messages

@Warmcandle it didn't start out macho and I wouldn't say they are laddish or anything. I think it's all the testosterone.

Some nights I have great fun. So much fun I come out of the hobby with my cheeks hurting. Usually those are the nights im on 'top form' as the guys would say. Other times the pressure to be the best is so stifling.

The womens group gets together far less although I suppose I could try and motivate some of the members to start our own team!?

@TheOpenRoad fair point. I just need to mute and not feel the pressure to reply so much.

An example is that one night a member didn't come to a game (when he already said he likely wouldnt make it) and several of the team freaked out, calling him and messaging him to find out where he was. It really felt OTT, as though we're all attached at the hip.

I've went from not knowing these people 6 months ago to them being a constant fixture in my life. Sometimes it's nice, other times I miss the quiet! There are definitely people who are obsessed with the hobby.

I’m in a cycling group. There are a couple of ladies on the WhatsApp who take it very very seriously, and will detail their every achievement in the WhatsApp group.

I have to try really hard not to get swept along, & remember my own motivation for cycling.

I also remind myself we have different life circumstances- some of these women don’t work or have kids or have older kids. I have a youngster and a very demanding job so of course I can’t train as much!