Children ill or faking?

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My ex and I split up nearly 6 years ago. We have a 9 yr old and a 14 yr old. Oldest has high anxiety, particularly around school. She had a stretch where she had a lot of absence, which I tried to support as best as I could. She is much better now, and has counselling.
Both girls were off one day last week, and both off yesterday. Oldest spent the day in her bed, had a bit of lunch. Youngest flopped on sofa and didn't eat, and had a temperature. I took the day off, and spoke to my ex to ask him to make preparations in case they were ill again today, which he did with much grumbling. I dropped youngest off at his last night, oldest said she felt better so stayed with me.
This morning I messaged him twice asking how she was and he didn't reply. I then called him and he was clearly in a bad mood, and said she was fine and he had taken her to school. He had a bit of a rant at me, because he had to rearrange meetings and others had had to swap their day off etc, so was a big ballache, which I didn't understand. He said the girls have told him they blag days off from me because they know I'll give in.
I said I think it comes from different perspectives on illness and how supportive our work is - he goes to work with appendicitis, and works in the motor trade, so when I pointed out that he is entitled to time off because he is a carer, he laughed at me.
I know I am probably more lenient than him to offset his attitude, and also because I find confrontations with the girls really difficult. I guess I'm asking if anyone has experience with this, or can offer some advice. How do I know when they're really ill? Do I just tell them what he has told me and say they have to be honest? I try and keep our issues away from them because I don't want them to be involved.
Thanks.

My rule was they stayed home if they had a temperature or if they'd been sick.
Occasionally, I would keep them home if they were obviously I'll without one of those - eg if they'd been coughing all night with no sleep, or those days when you can just tell by looking at them.
I was a SAHM, so no problem with them being off school, but only if they were actually ill.

I follow the public health exclusion policy for schools as well as keeping home for temperaturs. Aside from that if i can see physical symptoms and they're really struggling then I keep them home. If they're not sick, have diarrhoea or have a temperature then my starting point is usually to tell them to get dressed and see how they go. I watch them like a hawk before I decide. Often they end up going in.

It's usually pretty easy to suss out with mine. I can generally "catch them out" because they do a lot of clubs, so if I remind them that no school will also mean no gymnastics/no piano/no brownies etc, most of the time they will suddenly feel well enough for school after all!
Is there a reason they're not wanting to go to school, OP? It's a fairly rare occurrence that one of mine will try and pull a sickie but they generally like school and are happy to go. I know some kids just don't particularly enjoy school, but it is worth checking that there's not a reason that they aren't keen.

Yes - agree with @Puppers . If they are too ill for school, that definitely means no clubs, parties, outings etc.
And if ill at home, that means staying in bed with a book. Possibly coming downstairs for TV after lunch, and an early bedtime.

When mine were young the rule was "If you're ill, you need to stay in bed. You can read, but no TV or toys" Result? four kids, very few sick days. It was very boring staying at home!

If they have a fever or d&v (or something like chicken pox obviously), I deem them ill enough to stay home. Otherwise, mine always go in and I tell them to see how they feel at break time and I let their teacher know they weren't feeling well and to have the office ring me if they are too ill to stay.

I hated school and I was 'ill' a lot as a child and my mum couldn't be asked to deal with the battle, so I missed a lot of school. Looking back, I wish she had just sent me as I missed out on a lot and wasted a lot of time at home watching tv.

Floor the school guidelines. Eg sick and temps.
And no tv, no devices and no clubs

Well of course they want to lay around all day on their phones and watching TV. Who wouldn’t?

I’m the same as @Seeline .

What is their attendance like?

Mine (13 yo and 10 yo) know that if they're off school ill then they have to stay in bed, lights off, no devices, no toys and no reading (they're both big readers). If they say they feel sick then it's plain toast and water only to eat.

All of that means they would rather be at school so they are only off school sick if they are genuinely ill - and until covid with the isolation periods they were hardly ever off. Since there was no need to isolate/stay at home for covid it's back to no sick days.

(Obviously if they have a high temp or are physically sick then they stay off but luckily they're pretty healthy and don't catch much).

I'm a single working parent with no local family support and their father has no contact so I've had to be pretty strict with this sort of thing.

If it’s not obvious eg rash, temperature, vomiting etc I usually tell my Dd to get out of bed anyway, have some breakfast and we’ll see how it goes.

I’ll try to have a normal conversation and this way I can usually tell if she’s really ill or just didn’t want to get out of bed.

I would usually send them to school with the promise I would come and get her from school if she was ill. They had a really brilliant “nurse” at he school who looked after any sickies.

This all happened pre covid.

My mum would happily let me bunk off school the last week of summer term. I’d usually go in last day with a note from my mum. She did this after all end of year exams and my school did bugger all lessons the last week, plus I was a little swotty swot who always did well and got high marks.

The 14 year old definitely has school related anxiety, but generally speaking has been a lot better this academic year.
The 9 year occasionally says she doesn't like school, has fall outs with friends etc, but is usually ok when she's there.
I will just have to talk to them and lay down the law a bit firmer. The problem is that this time, they genuinely were poorly, and school even sent home the 14 year old on Monday lunchtime, but as a general pattern they probably do try it on more with me than my ex.

I tend to do the “let’s see how it goes” thing unless they are obviously unwell. My DS went through a phase of being deathly ill first thing and with a miraculous recovery an hour after school started, so I got him dressed and took him in mid morning. Well enough to play with toys, well enough to be at school.