Why do some people get names wrong constantly?

[Fluffodils]

I have a relative and everytime she will get someone's name wrong it sticks, no matter how often she is corrected.

So Lauren is called Laura each time even when we correct her. And then Samara is Samantha.

Everytime. Is this just a thing where she's decided she doesn't like the person's real name?! Or is it a thing where the first name has just permanently etched itself on her brain?

@Fluffodils new names, friends it's really random. And lots of different manifestations! I muddle Sarah and Claire regularly, i call my friend of 30 years by her sister's name, I cannot get pronunciations right if there is more than one option. I also regularly muddle my kids' names.

But the thing is I have always made a point of asking names - you know of delivery people, people at call centres, people i will never meet again because it's humanising and polite and I want to make that connection. And then three seconds later i have absolutely forgotten !

i think the trying and awareness of it being an issue makes it worse though. Also age, anxiety menopause, dislocation of WAH?

i used to be so super sharp i could name your second cousin you mentioned once 10 years ago and their spouse's occupation!

Not an excuse. It could explain getting it wrong the first time because they didn't hear properly. It doesn't explain why they continue to say the wrong name when they've been corrected several times, or why they write the wrong name on emails when the correct one is right there in front of them.
I have a name that has a similar one (like Marie / Maria) and people use the wrong one all the time, which is annoying. I'm severely hearing impaired and make a huge effort to get people's names right because I think it's a courtesy. If there are different pronunciations I ask them which is the correct one for them. It's all part of respecting others IMO.

I guess also names are a bit like learning new words "this person is called bob"

Yeah I don't think it's intentional. My aunty (Dad's sister so has known me all my life rather than married in) has always called me by a shortening of my name that kind of sounds a bit like the shortening I actually go by (if you have a lisp) but is not used by anyone else and is actually a male name. She does not have a lisp, regularly hears people call me by both my full name and the correct shortening, and writes it her way in cards etc, so in her head that is my name basically!

I gave up correcting her decades ago 😅

I think it might be social anxiety, I often can't remember people's names because they say them right at the start of an introduction when my anxiety is worst. And if I say it wrong I'm so mortified that I ruminate on it and confuse myself, did I say Lauren when her name is Laura? Or was it the other way round? And I think about it so much that I can't remember which is correct.

Haha my mum often does this, lists through all of my siblings' names, then all the pets (both current and long since deceased), followed by an 'OHHHH [my name]!'

I'm dyslexic and really struggle with names, it's really not intentional rudeness on my side. In fact it leads me to a lot of shyness as I'm so worried about getting people's names wrong. To me names are like non-words which I find really difficult to recall because I can't 'see' them like other words. I read that dyslexic people often learn to read by memorising words as a whole visual pattern rather than breaking them up phonetically like most people do. This is definitely the case for me, whereas names often require you to be able to break them up phonetically. They also get strongly attached visually to a particular person so I find it hard to recall a different person with the same name, it's like my brain just brings back 'no that person doesn't look like a Sarah, because we know what Sarah looks like' and will then give me a different variation of that name and before I realise it I've said the wrong thing. I actually took a long time (into adulthood) to realise the spelling of people's names is really important to them, which is embarrassing now but because I struggle with spelling I didn't really realise.

Two of my friends constantly get each others name’s wrong. One mixes with a similar name (Emma instead of Emily type thing) and the other has started using a short form when the person doesn’t use it (say Jan instead of Janice). I’m relatively sure one of them is doing it deliberately

I don't think I often get names wrong - because unless I know someone well, I am unlikely to remember their name at all, so avoid calling them anything.

However, I probably won't recognise many of them either. I suffer from moderate (not total) face blindness, and am far more likely to recognise people I don't mix with regulary by their voice/shape/way they walk than by their face!

It's very embarrassing, but certainly not deliberate.

I have a neighbour and coworker who absolutely refuses to get my name right. She knows what it is.
I don't want to say it but it's similar to Maria being changed to Marie, Clara being changed to Claire, Lauren to Laura or Diana to Diane.

All very different names that have a similar start.

She was corrected initially more than once. She's on my Facebook and other social media's with my name spelled correctly. My forename is in huge writing on my name badge at work. It's on the rota and other documents she sees every day. Christmas and birthday cards to them are written in big, clear almost child friendly writing with my name spelled correctly.
My husband says my name in conversation over and over unnecessarily (using my name instead of 'she' for example) when chatting to her.

I've corrected new people quite vocally (but politely with a joking "oh don't call me that! You've probably heard others get it wrong but it's actually xxxxx") at work in front of her because no longer correct her as it's been about 7 years of this shit and all I can say is yes. It is intentional. She's clearly doing it on purpose. It makes no sense otherwise.

She knows she calls me a different name. I almost wish I could change her name to a slightly wrong one but I really don't want to get into silliness.

I have ADHD …

Not only will I not remember your name, I won't recogonise you. So you will get a generic "morning", a smile and i'll keep walking if I bump into you in the "wrong" place - and maybe even if you are in the right place.
It's not deliberate. I just have no idea who you are - celebrities too. Completely oblivious to who they are.

It used to wind me up so much when people spelled my name wrong (happens a lot). Someone in my team at work used to reply to my emails with my name spelt incorrectly. I spoke to him about it and he explained he's dyslexic and he genuinely can't see the difference between what he's written and what the actual spelling is. So now I give people the benefit of the doubt.

It did annoy me when, in my old job, a few people constantly used to call me Sarah. No idea why but they just couldn't get it out of their heads my name was Sarah 😅My name is Rachel.

My dad does this. I get called every name till he gets to mine. He has been like this for 40 plus years. Cats name gets thrown in too.

he does it to my partner and everyone except my brother. But they have the same name. It’s now a quirk.

My partner used to get annoyed but accepts it’s my dad, especially as he noticed my dad can’t get my name correct too.

My DH is 100% like this. It drives me nuts.

My Mum did this a lot. She regularly got a lot of my friend’s names wrong as well as place names.

In her case it absolutely wasn’t selfishness as suggested by a PP. My mum was the most selfless person I’ve ever met. She spent the vast majority of her time on earth doing things to help other people.

But she struggled with getting names right, and with place names. Looking back, I strongly suspect she was not neurotypical (although she was never diagnosed with anything- she was a child of the 40s/50s and it wouldn’t have occurred to her to seek a diagnosis in adulthood because for the most part, she functioned really well and managed her life).

I get names wrong, but not my close friends and relatives because I use those names a lot. People that I see infrequently there is more chance that I will completely forget the name or get is confused. For instance there is a woman that I meet occasionally through a hobby and her name is Gaye but I have sometimes called her Joy because the way that my memory works associates the two names as synonyms for happy. Weirdly, if I make a mistake and the person is not bothered then chances are that I will get it right at some stage fairly soon. If the person is upset then it makes me anxious and I am aware that I absolutely MUST get the name right next time, then I over think it and can't remember any name at all and end up going for the wrong one in a panic.

It doesn't help at all that I have a problem with facial recognition and need to have had a direct conversation with a person about 20-30 times before their face gets firmly fixed in my mind. Even then if they do something like a drastic hairstyle change it can cause problems, I once failed to recognise my cousin, who I have known for over 50 years, because she dyed her hair and cut it into a different style.

So many people get my name wrong. It’s a very common name with lots of nicknames such as Elizabeth* where you could be called Liz, Lizzie, Beth etc.

I have a nickname that I go by. Let’s say it’s Beth. I sign off emails of this way, I’m called this by everyone who knows me. I have colleagues who call me Liz. Every single time. I correct them every time both in person and on email but THEY WILL NOT STOP.

Why????????

*not my name

I got an email the other day

(Not real names)
Sent from Samantha smith
Signature Samantha

The reply I got? Thanks Louise

Once one person does it it's like a contagion!

I’m do this sometimes, there is no ill intent on my part. I just find once I have decided on a pronunciation of something it sticks in my head and it’s a struggle change it. It’s not just names it’s certain words, still cannot pronounce Ceyenne.
i do make the effort with names, but I think the language bit of my brain doesn’t work properly.

I have a problem with face blindness/name blindness. I'm otherwise smart and hold down a job which involves a lot of meeting people but I think there's anxiety or panic in there somewhere that means names don't stick even with people I've known for ages if I see them out of context. Ironically I have a name which people often get wrong.

I do see how offensive it is to people with normal name/face recall and can be seen of a sign of carelessness or lack of interest. But very often it isn't.

I work with a woman who gets my name wrong every time. Every single time. It infuriates me. I have a totally average name.

There was a family friend who wrote "Chole" on my Xmas/Bday cards for as long as I can rememeber. I found it endearing in the end but I have no idea how she could get Chloe wrong so consistently over the span of about 20 years.

@CHOLE5 Hahaha love your username and that story. Makes sense.