How do you stop worrying about children?

[ilkleymoorbartat]

I feel like a lot of my life is spent worrying about my kids.

They're both great, but ds has potential adhd, or might just be immature. Doing ok at school (greater depth in reading, expected in maths and English although very good mental
Maths). But school often flag up lack of focus. He's a good kid, prone to overexcitement and boisterous but never asks for anything and is temperamentally very measures.

DD is super high achieving academically but prone to anxiety. Although this is under control.

They're 6&8

I feel like I worry about them all the time, will my as struggle as he gets older, what if my daughter has major MH a problems. I definitely catastrophise with everything generally and I really want to stop and just start enjoying our time.

You always worry. People just don’t tell you that before you have kids or no one would do it!

There's worrying, which is normal. Then there's what you're doing.

Kindly, I'm assuming there is a genetic component to DD's anxiety...

Have you ever had any help for your anxiety?

@MrsTerryPratchett got it in one 😂

My dad has the same.

I know I need to get help for my own anxiety, I did try cbt once but struggled with making the relevant changes. The thing is, in front of the kids I think I present as super relaxed (maybe I'm kidding myself) but I definitely don't expose the extent of my worries. Goes to show how strong genes are.

Genes for the win! Or maybe the loss!

Really committing to trying some self-help for the anxiety is a good idea. Partly for you, because it's horrible living in that space of what ifs about your children. And partly because it's really good to have an arsenal of tips and tricks for your kids.

Me managing my ADHD is good for me. But it's great for DD, because I can help her work with hers. For example, for decades people told me to plan studying, do it regularly and diligently and focus. I worked with not against my ADHD and now I advise DD accordingly. Cramming works, when you get hyper-focus jump on projects, play music and TV while studying. As a result she's ahead of her ADHD.

See managing your anxiety as a project to help them manage theirs.

Amazing advice, thanks @MrsTerryPratchett
*starts bill buying anxiety books.

All the best. They sound like great kids.

I've got two children aged 29 and 25 and a grandchild. I often worry about them. I'm usually thinking of them even if I'm not actively worrying about them. You just want them to be happy and healthy, everything else is a bonus isn't it.

Parents always worry about their DC ... my DM is 90 and still worries about us .. despite the fact I am 65 next birthday !!

Try and relax and enjoy it while they are young and still in control of most of what they do.
wait until they are driving and going clubbing, that’s next level

I could have written this about my DD!

Her anxiety peaks and troughs (we're definitely on a peak at the moment) and I feel like I'm on high alert constantly!

I do my best to hide any anxious feelings I have and try to encourage her with things etc but jeez when I'm alone I find it a bit overwhelming!

So like you OP,I think I need some help as well as DD (she has done CBT with CAHMS in the past but didn't make a drop of difference)

MrsTerryPrachett - any advise or books you'd recommend?

Psychologist told me (because I had an assessment due to PND), that anxiety as a parent is normal. The case is whether it’s normal anxiety vs catastrophising. So I think it’s just a part of being a parent.