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Original poster

How long did you have to fight for a sterilisation?

28 replies

utopian99 · 28/03/2023 19:04

Not sure if this is the right place, but looking for advice/help.. I've done my research, am 40, DH and I agree we've completed our family, have two lovely children and definitely don't/want want any more, etc. Trying to get a sterilisation through the NHS route, but I started asking for one in the first week of Jan and so far I've had two doctors (one male, one female, not sure if that's relevant) try to talk me out of it, then they caved and said they'd recommend me but that was a month ago and still no contact to book anything in. Getting a bit hacked off but equally I know the NHS is under stress so just wondering what others' experiences have been? Is there anything I can do to force the issue or do I need to give up and go private (not cheap?) Not interested in being talked out of it, I've had enough of that already so just wondering really...

OP posts:
lightlypoached · 28/03/2023 19:05

Can't comment on nhs availability but can say that my DH had a vasectomy, was in and out within 10 mins and they did it via laser so the skin wasn't even broken and no stitches. He was back at work within 30 mins with no pain.

That vs a full operation with general anaesthetic.

I know which I'd prefer. !

gogohmm · 28/03/2023 19:08

It would make more sense from a risk, a cost, and a recovery point of view for your partner to be the one to take responsibility. It take's literally 10 minutes for him and a day of light activity. For you it's major surgery

WeeOrcadian · 28/03/2023 19:11

I had to PUSH to be referred, after the (female) GP tried to fob me off with a coil, the pill and an inplant. Because women, apparently, don't know their own mind.

What actually happened was DH went for the snip. Great - in principle.

They couldn't get to his tubes to sever them, they were short and deep ( I heard you snicker, I did too). Short version - he had to have a GA. That said, something like 99% of the time, they're straightforward and need minimal pain relief.

TinaTotal · 28/03/2023 19:13

I asked to be sterilised after my 3rd baby age 30. They said no. I fell pregnant accidentally aged 34 and asked again after the birth, they said no. My husband had a vasectomy. He passed away a couple of years later. I met a new partner and we had a planned baby together aged 43 and I again asked to be sterilised (Dec 2020) and I have just had my procedure a few weeks ago after being on the waiting list over 2 years.

Original poster
utopian99 · 28/03/2023 19:14

I know all the arguments about asking DH to do it but it's MY body, and I want to know that's that. If he wanted to as well (belt and braces,) that would be up to him.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 28/03/2023 19:15

This doesn't fill me with confidence. I'm 27 and have been really fortunate to have two beautiful children. I'm done and certain I don't want anymore and was going to book an appointment but I know they'll say no. It's infuriating just thinking about it.

Original poster
utopian99 · 28/03/2023 19:17

Two years TinaTotal; crikey, I hadn't thought it may be that long.. (although thanks for the response!)

OP posts:
MancMamof1 · 28/03/2023 19:19

I was 'lucky' that I had major health issues and they agreed to do it when I was 23 for serious medical reasons but my cousin who has very similar issues fought for 30 years and they still refused to do it.
It is very frustrating to be honest that men get to choose easily that they no longer or never want children but women do not. That said I would assume it was due to the cost difference for the operation for women and the fact that doctors are often convinced that women will regret it.

Chattycathydoll · 28/03/2023 19:20

8 years. Wanted it done during my c section. I finally have my consultation… they scheduled a phone appt on DD’s birthday.

I’m a single mother, OAD. The repeated ‘vasectomies are easier’ fobbing off drives me insane given, yknow, I don’t have testes.

TinaTotal · 28/03/2023 19:20

I found the recovery really hard, it was much more painful than I expected, the doctor stitched me up weirdly and that was extra pain on top of the 2 laparoscopic wounds. Morphine didn't even touch the pain post recovery, couldn't drive for 10 days. I understand now why they would rather do the vasectomy. Obviously that doesn't work in every relationship.
Periods so far have been a nightmare for pain and heavy bleeding (only 2 so far so room for improvement)
If a coil would work instead it's a much better option. From my experience. (And a vasectomy)

Meredusoleil · 28/03/2023 19:25

TinaTotal · 28/03/2023 19:20

I found the recovery really hard, it was much more painful than I expected, the doctor stitched me up weirdly and that was extra pain on top of the 2 laparoscopic wounds. Morphine didn't even touch the pain post recovery, couldn't drive for 10 days. I understand now why they would rather do the vasectomy. Obviously that doesn't work in every relationship.
Periods so far have been a nightmare for pain and heavy bleeding (only 2 so far so room for improvement)
If a coil would work instead it's a much better option. From my experience. (And a vasectomy)

Same here 😣

OP I asked when dd2 was born by C-section and I was aged 36. They refused as said the failure rate is much higher during a section. Then I asked again aged 37. They refused again. Said I should try the coil, which I didn't want to do (wish I had).

I eventually got sterilised at age 39 after missing pills and having antibiotics interfere with them (so having to take the MAP). Have had no end of issues since including one clip migrating from my fallopian tube, which means I'm not even protected against an unwanted pregnancy 😫

MeinKraft · 28/03/2023 19:26

Listing the benefits of a vasectomy is pretty pointless. Presumably OPs husband doesn't want one, and you can't force people into being sterilised.

MaryJean87 · 28/03/2023 19:29

I was sterilised at 29 after my fourth baby. They asked did I want it done after my third, I said no but I went ahead with it after my fourth. I never had to push for it.

WeWereInParis · 28/03/2023 19:29

MeinKraft · 28/03/2023 19:26

Listing the benefits of a vasectomy is pretty pointless. Presumably OPs husband doesn't want one, and you can't force people into being sterilised.

Also, not everywhere funds NHS vasectomies. DH was told just a few weeks ago by our GP that he couldn't have a vasectomy because it's not offered by the NHS where we live. So it's not a given that OP's DH could have one even if that's what they wanted.

IMuchPreferTheDog · 28/03/2023 19:32

I first asked at 24 after giving birth to my second daughter, my husband and I had agreed and I knew in my heart I was content with two children. Ten years of begging and pleading and being told I was too young to make that decision. Answering the same questions over and over; the two which bugged me the most “what if your husband leaves you?” and “what about if both of your children pass away?”.

I finally got my wish at 34 and have never looked back since. Luckily my current GP appears to be in agreement with female bodily autonomy. When she asked me had I thought about what might happen if I met a new partner and he wanted children, she was satisfied when I said that clearly he wasn’t the right partner for me, and that I would be far more comfortable if my fertility was off the cards from the outset.
The fact that men can decide and practically have the procedure quicker than I can get a drive-through coffee is so frustrating.

Yes, it’s a much more invasive procedure for a woman, but if that’s what the woman wants for herself, why in this day and age are we not considered to have the capacity to make these decisions for ourselves and are likely to be fobbed off 🤬

Mumsnutt · 28/03/2023 19:33

I didn't have to fight at all. Asked the GP who referred me straight away and I had a laparoscopy about three months later. I was 29, with no children.

The catch? This was thirty years ago, back during that brief moment in history when women were assumed to be adults who knew their own minds.

(And no, before anyone asks, I haven't regretted it for a second. Best decision I ever made.)

GlobetrottingPercy · 28/03/2023 19:36

I asked to have one as part of a planned section and the consultant said yes, I didn’t have to state my reasons or beg. Sounds like I have been very lucky (section is imminently so will see if it is actually able to go ahead). I was initially told by the midwife that they would say no as I am only 35 and I might change my mind but the consultant was very good and signed it off at my appointment.

IMuchPreferTheDog · 28/03/2023 19:38

And, actually just thinking back, my GP agreed to refer me and said if I didn’t receive a letter in two weeks to call back. She wasn’t available when I called to chase the referral, and I spoke to a locum GP (male). When I explained the situation he asked if I’d looked into a vasectomy, when I answered that I didn’t have a penis, it went quiet on the other end of the phone 😂 Got the referral through a few days later.

twanmever · 28/03/2023 19:40

I was 21, and had two children (18 and 19, 23 month planned gap between them. However I was lucky that I had a sympathetic gynaecologist. I paid £25, and it was 1980. Although I divorced and later remarried I have no regrets, I knew I was done.

Pinkywoo · 28/03/2023 19:40

My experience was the opposite to most PP, I was discussing having my second section with the consultant and she asked if I wanted to be sterilised at the same time. I was having some ovarian cysts removed while in theatre so there was going to be a gynae surgeon there anyway.

Pinkywoo · 28/03/2023 19:40

Forgot to say, I was 41 at the time.

twanmever · 28/03/2023 19:41

Forgot to say it was a 3 week wait!

usererror99 · 28/03/2023 19:46

Suspect you are just on the waiting list and will have to see it out since it's not urgent and obviously not being carried out as part of a c section which is when it's usually done

How much is it to go private?

(Not sure why the NHS should be funding sterilisation's and vasectomies but that's another thread)

GoodChat · 28/03/2023 19:48

usererror99 · 28/03/2023 19:46

Suspect you are just on the waiting list and will have to see it out since it's not urgent and obviously not being carried out as part of a c section which is when it's usually done

How much is it to go private?

(Not sure why the NHS should be funding sterilisation's and vasectomies but that's another thread)

£3000 to go private.

Cheaper for the NHS than 40 years of free contraception, terminations, counselling for terminations, childbirth and then the additional cost of treatment for whatever children you have.

rosegoldivy · 28/03/2023 19:58

Bit of a different situation so probably no help tbh
Fell pregnant with twins and was adamant wanted my tubes tied after c-section.
Explained my reasons in detail early on at a consultant appointment and was never pushed to reconsider or to consider alternative methods of contraception. I had the procedure as planned when the twins were born with no resistance.
Fwiw DH was against me doing it. But agreed that its my body, my choice.

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