Please help me find an end to this nightmare

[Summernights9]

We moved to a new house a year ago and unfortunately we seem to have moved next door to a very unwell, spiteful woman.

She doesn’t want us living here and she goes to extreme lengths to make this known.

Since we moved in we have been met with dog poo thrown in our garden and on our windows, broken glass on our back door step, weed killer on our plants and a constant need for her to be standing at the window/door whenever we leave our home or come home to watch us in an intimidating manner.

The antisocial behaviour stopped when we loudly spoke about how we will contact the police with the cctv evidence we have against her.

However it didn’t stop there. As she is finding other ways to harass us which now seems to be persistent thumping on the walls, slamming doors and cupboards, stomping around the house in what sounds like shoes made of bricks, and tv on full volume overnight.

I never sleep due to all of this noise, I now need to wear ear plugs which will not be possible in 2 months as I am pregnant and will need to be able to hear my new baby wake.

I have spoken to the council noise department who said there is nothing they can do as doors closing and walking are normal parts of living. I informed them the decibel is often up to 80. They will not respond to me. I don’t want to involve the police as I fear this will make things worse.

Neighbour called me over as she’d had a call from the council asking her to be considerate, she told me that I’m an awful person as she hasn’t made any noise and it’s just the boiler… I disagreed that a boiler would cause these sounds, so she has ramped up the noise even more. Knowing I have no one to help me and she has got away Scot free she seems to think she can do what she likes.

I’m exhausted and stressed. I am not enjoying my maternity leave as she repeatedly slams the same door over and over (for 3 hours I counted) before I left to the shops to escape. My husband is supportive and tries to help me, but it’s a difficult situation when we have no control. He luckily sleeps through it and isn’t affected the way I am. Loud noises are a ptsd trigger for me, and the fact she does them on purpose to upset me makes it even harder.

I am worried it will trigger post natal depression or I won’t be able to enjoy time with my baby, have family visit or have naps due to the constant noise. It’s very difficult to ignore as it’s so loud and intrusive.

She doesn’t work, aged 50 at a guess, has one visitor who I presume to be a relative aged around 35 (I can’t approach this person as she has called me the C word for no apparent reason). Just thought I’d add this for background as I’m not sure if people would suggest a mental illness.

I just can’t go on like this. I don’t know what I’ve done to upset her so much she has to disturb us. We are two adults who cause no trouble or noise disturbance, no pets or irritating visitors. I’m stumped what to do. Short of moving house Id love some realistic advice on how to cope. I don’t think we can afford soundproofing at the moment. Thanks if you made it this far.

Have you checked that the vendors hadn’t made any official complaint about this neighbour affecting the property? I’m wondering if they ever made official complaints but haven’t declared it when selling. That, and moving, might be the only hope.

I wouldn’t be brave enough to turn speakers to the wall, leave and blast her back for hours on end but I often read about people who have resorted to fighting fire with fire. So sorry you have to deal with this. We also had noisy neighbours (in their 60’s!) when I was pregnant too. We politely asked them to turn their music down and they responded by turning it up and slamming doors/stomping up and down the stairs. We moved.

I agree with pp, I’d check if the previous occupiers/ sellers had any issues with neighbours and if this was the reason why they moved.

its so tough as you’re pregnant and due soon so moving house will add extra stress that you don’t need but this is ridiculous. My worry would also be that she would scare off any potential buyers if you do go down the route of selling.

Personally I’d be contacting the council again with recordings of her noise. I’d be pushing them to take it further. I’d also be contacting the police with your evidence too as she is harassing you and by the sounds of it, verbally abusing you too. I know you’re worried about making things worse but I’d phone the police every time something happened to have it all documented.

Record everything, contact your local councillor and ask them for their help
Keep all the records from when it first happened
She's relying on you to back down

Oh man, what a nightmare! No advice. Well not that can be printed here!

Are you also in a council property? Keep a log, record her, contact the council, contact head of service and your M.P.

Has your husband been round to have a polite chat? See if she is aware of what she is doing? What type of housing do you guys live in? My sister bought a new build and she said she could always hear the neighbours due to paper thin walls!

Why not contact your HV who can refer you to an early help team as it is causing you so much anxiety and you're worried about stress and coping when baby is here. It'll all be logged and help can be given, depending on where you live.

Do have cameras? I think you need to start reporting her for anything she does and keeping evidence of things like the glass. Why don’t you want to go to the police?

I agree with Pp about calling the council. Can they record an evening or noise to measure the volume?

personally I’d be tempted to play her at her own game and stay up a few nights slamming doors all evening or playing loud music. Harder to do that when you have a baby sue though…also has the potential to escalate. In your situation I’d go back to the council and start logging it with the police and gathering any evidence you can.

Record all times and dates of noise issues. Contact your local community police officer and report it as anti social behaviour. If it continues she can be prosecuted and you can request an anti social behaviour order.

If she is affecting your property then it is a criminal offence of harassment too.

Is she in a private house or housing association? If it's council owned/housing association then this will be a breach of her tenancy agreement and classes as noise/ antisocial behaviour. You need to report it to the antisocial behaviour officer of that organisation that own the property.

You could also ask a solicitor to send her a letter warning her that if the behaviour continues she could be subject to criminal investigation.

It does sound like she may have mental health issues. Either way don't deal with her yourself. If she is acting at this level already, politely asking her to tone it down won't achieve anything. You need to escalate it and the only way to get anything to change will be by involving professionals or you sell up and move on.

Record the noise, the council tell you what app to download to do this.
Deffo get on to the last neighbours or ask about to see if they had issues, because they would need to have declared it. Horrible, just horrible for you, but do everything you can to beat her down, the bitch.

Get a solicitor to send her a scary letter.

Personally I’d be contacting the council again with recordings of her noise. I’d be pushing them to take it further. I’d also be contacting the police with your evidence too as she is harassing you and by the sounds of it, verbally abusing you too

I wouldn’t do any of this if you wanted to sell though, as you’d have to declare it & it would put buyers off.

1. Move

1. The only thing you haven't tried is waiting til the fucker tries to sleep and making EVEN MORE NOISE

@Summernights9 Oh my goodness...We had one of these locally.

Notorious.

She drove one nice family out.

A completely unhinged woman, not dissimilar age to your aggressive woman.

Again, she didn't work, extremely invasive, and ran her hoover up and down the party wall at night, on the radiators.

I know her nice immediate neighbours.

This woman had a police complaints thing against her going back years.

I'd definitely look into the past history...this behaviour will likely be very entrenched and long term.

Good luck!

Honestly, move. She's either batshit, or she's unwell. And it can take years for EH/Council to take action.

Just wondering if you’ve tried engaging with her at all? Sounds like she has some weird vendetta! If it was me I’d want to know what it was. I’d probably try to talk to her or send a nice note to build bridges. You never know it might work! Kill her with kindness. Maybe she’s just really bitter and lonely. The dog shit and glass makes it seem as if she’s angry about something. Maybe someone told her something untrue or she has misunderstood something !

I am having loads of trouble with a commercial neighbour and the guests they attract. We made it to the national press over our noise and anti-social behaviour complaints last Christmas. I recommend you keep emailing the council, and get your MP involved and the police antisocial behaviour team involved. There will be an antisocial behaviour officer at the council, and an environmental health officer who deals with statutory nuisance issues and fly-tipping (dumping stuff on your land is just that). You need to keep a sound/ behaviour diary describing each event, and keep the CCTV footage of her dumping waste over your wall etc. You can buy a sound meter on the internet if you want to make official noise level recordings. I had a few 'no' responses from the local authority before I got myself before the right people. Local authority officers have a huge caseload, so you have to keep going back to get anything done. You could also do a land registry search and see who owns the house. If she is a tenant, you could try to trace the landlord and have a word. They won't want an abusive tenant, anymore than you want to live next door to one. If she persists in harassing you, make a complaint to the police.

You will never change or control her behaviour.

All you can do is change your own reaction to her. And in this instance i would move house. You deserve to feel relaxed in your own home. It's galling, yes, but you won't regret it.

This sounds like she feels you have wronged her some how. Do you know at all?

Perhaps even something you would never know like you outbid her daughter on the house?

Is this neighbour racist? Are you or your husband a different race to her?

If you are, report her behaviour as racism and hate - maybe it will get taken more seriously then.

No advice re what to do about the neighbour but for the baby (and maybe you!) try white noise. Play it LOUD, fairly sure mine would sleep through WW3 so long as the white noise didn’t stop. Sorry you’re living with this, sounds awful x

op that sounds awful! Of course, when your baby's born there might be some crying for her to deal with....
Try not to let her get to you she sounds like a very sad case indeed.
Have you tried talking to her or does that make it worse? Have you considered aggressive niceness e.g chocolates and flowers etc, like off-the-wall presents to shift her out of whatever mindset she's in?

Ignore it all.
She is doing this to upset you and knowing that it’s annoying you is playing right into her hands.

It could be that she wants her friend or family member to live there so is trying to get rid of you.

If she is playing loud music or the TV after a certain time start recording it and then knock on and ask her nicely to turn it down.
If it carries on tell her to please turn it didn’t else you’ll have to call the police.
If it still carries on then call the police and you’ll have the recording for proof.

Log every tiny thing so the council/police have a big picture.

Does she own her own home or is it rented?

Do you both own or rent etc?

Log it with the police every single time. Show them what you already have recorded. When TV is blasting ask them for a welfare check on her. (I would fein ignorance but say it sounded like arguments.... I know I'll get flamed for suggesting it but maybe one call out will show her your serious about escalating it and may get her to back off)

We have a sub woofer as part of our surround sound, I'd be putting it against the wall of her bedroom and play the worst drum and bass music I could find and go away for a night or two....but I'm petty like that.

A couple of suggestions OP. Try a white noise machine or an app. You can have it on in the background in the day and it will mask some of the noise, you can also sleep with it. Most have a selection of sounds, white noise being the most effective for masking but lots of other choices and you can amplify through a speaker of course. A baby will sleep to the noise as well.

I'd also get some noise cancelling headphones to use up until the baby is born. If she doesn't get a reaction she may stop. I'd go out every single time with them on and sunglasses so she can't see your reaction and don't look at her. I had a neighbour that used to slam doors and stamp about but when I stopped reacting she stopped. It's hard work keeping up that level of annoyance.

Also, echo others saying log it, both for yourself but also on the council website, every single time. The council can do something about it if you present enough evidence even without witnessing it.

Personally, I'm part of the petty crew so I'd be playing a YouTube clip of a dog barking for hours on repeat when you're out and then saying blankly when she knocks on the door, "But we don't have a dog".

I think people are right though that the only solution is going to be to move again. It's galling but she's not someone you want to bring up your children around.