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Original poster

Lying about covid to be away from the kids for a week

36 replies

JustHereExhausted · 27/03/2023 22:42

I dont even know how to start this and i really dont want any hate for it please, i know covid has been terrible and many have lost their lives, etc.

i had covid last year, so i already knew what to expect, etc. but everything has been so overwhelming, i have a new puppy, a 3 year old who is toilet training and it going just terribly, an autistic 11 year old who is just struggling so much right now and a 15 year old who is just being awful behaviour wise, etc. the issues around all this could be a 5 book series to be honest.

the house is an absolute tip, i work full time as well, thought the weekend was going to be a great chance for me to catch up on the house, no, its just a million times worse, with the puppy and the toilet training of both her and my daughter... my 2 sons just making a mess everywhere they step, just not catching up on anything, awful. thought i was going to have a breakdown this morning before going to work. had 2 months off work nov/dec for mental health and felt i just couldnt go off with it again and nor does it even make me feel better when i do as i am constantly overthinking stuff.

i dont really know what came over me but i thought it would be a good idea... the kids and the puppy are at their grandparents, which is apprently going very well so far today, my mum is always busy giving "tips" which are just patronising and exhausting, so thats fine she can ofc implement them and tell me how its going well... ive done so much in the house today,although ofc its really only 2 rooms but it was that bad and will probs take all week for the house to be back in order which it hasnt been for about a year honestly...

but now im sitting down with the tv, i am feeling so guilty that i am literally just lying to everyone around me... thats awful isnt it? i feel i cant be honest about this now and deep down i am honestly glad to have the break and catch up on stuff because i think it will genuinely set a better base for me and my kids giong forward but the guilt is quite a lot, genuinely cant tell anyone, not even my friends and i have no idea what kind of replies i may get here... just hopefully nothing thats too negative to me.

OP posts:
AlicesPalace · 27/03/2023 22:46

What a fab idea! Why didn’t I think of this?!

Duckingella · 27/03/2023 22:47

Do you have any support from their dad?;it sounds as though you're a single mum?

Original poster
JustHereExhausted · 27/03/2023 22:50

Duckingella · 27/03/2023 22:47

Do you have any support from their dad?;it sounds as though you're a single mum?

i am a single mum, their dad lives about 7 hours drive away and sees them around christmas and some birthdays... he cant even see them every birthday. thats a whole different story and he is genuinely just useless and adding to the stress... he pays some money towards them, which is genuinely all he is good for, i know that sounds horrible but he isnt a good father

OP posts:

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Fallingoffacliff · 27/03/2023 22:50

You are saving yourself from the very real possibity of some kind of breakdown, by the sounds of it. I think you have absolutely done the right thing. Please don't feel guilty. Enjoy it while it lasts!

BlackFriday · 27/03/2023 22:50

Who are you worried about lying to, work or your mum?
I would go easy on yourself - you're clearly under enormous strain and I think a small (in the grand scheme of things) lie is preferable to the alternative, which might be that you have another breakdown.
Sending you Flowers. Or Gin if you prefer.

sevenbyseven · 27/03/2023 22:53

I realise I'm stating the obvious, but it sounds like you've taken on too much ☹️

You know faking Covid is unreasonable, and it also won't buy you much time before you'll be back where you started. Can you get more regular help, from parents/ partner / ex? Can you afford to reduce your work hours? Would you consider rehoming the puppy?

Original poster
JustHereExhausted · 27/03/2023 22:54

BlackFriday · 27/03/2023 22:50

Who are you worried about lying to, work or your mum?
I would go easy on yourself - you're clearly under enormous strain and I think a small (in the grand scheme of things) lie is preferable to the alternative, which might be that you have another breakdown.
Sending you Flowers. Or Gin if you prefer.

i suppose both but i guess my mum, kids and friends the most... my mum is ofc putting herself out and taking them all and the puppy in and it feels terrible to be lying in that case but i cant be honest with her, for a variety of reasons. i couldnt be honest to my friends as i cant be lying to some and not the others and i think they would genuinely change their opinion on me and even if not, i would be so overthinking and concerned that they were... that being honest to just them feels not worth it to me. thanks so much

OP posts:
saraclara · 27/03/2023 22:55

It's okay. You need this. Could you use a bit of the time to see your GP? It sounds as though you need some outside support.

Let go of the guilt. Normally I hate lies, but this one is probably saving your work from having you be absent for a lot longer. And you need this. So don't waste it feeling bad.

littlese · 27/03/2023 22:56

What's done is done now - you just have to carry on with the lie now
But you will need to implement changes so you don't get overwhelmed again
What can you do differently? And how can you simplify your life?

Original poster
JustHereExhausted · 27/03/2023 22:57

sevenbyseven · 27/03/2023 22:53

I realise I'm stating the obvious, but it sounds like you've taken on too much ☹️

You know faking Covid is unreasonable, and it also won't buy you much time before you'll be back where you started. Can you get more regular help, from parents/ partner / ex? Can you afford to reduce your work hours? Would you consider rehoming the puppy?

i agree just feels like at least my house can be back in order which i didnt get the chance to do for so so long... but maybe then it just goes back to a tip again and i am back where i started, i dont know, but felt i needed that time and break from the kids, never had a break from the kids like this, in their whole existance, it feels like this time cant be seen as a waste even if i am back where i was as it feels like it must lift some strain off me...

the puppy is for my autistic son, it did wonders for a friend of mine who has a son who is similar and i must admit it has been helping but then he is struggling with something unrelated that is just making things worse... feels the puppy is definitely adding to the stress for sure but i like to think long term it will be the best thing for my son? i dont even know

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 27/03/2023 22:58

Don’t beat yourself up op. Something’s got to give though. Even your writing style speaks volumes about the mental stress you are under. I mean you can’t even relax when you have got some precious downtime. ☹️

I don’t think anyone would judge you for re homing your puppy.
No one would judge you for delaying potty training dd, it’s easier in warmer weather.

Better that than jeopardising your job due to repeated absence.

Take support wherever you can. Cut yourself some slack too. You’re doing well under difficult circumstances x

OhcantthInkofaname · 27/03/2023 23:01

Absolutely delightful! Have a great week! You needed a break.

SmileyClare · 27/03/2023 23:09

The best thing you can do now is enjoy your peace.

Do you struggle to find peace of mind or relax when you do have some rare time to yourself? Fixating or overthinking, struggling to make decisions?
Do you have difficulty getting to sleep or staying asleep despite feeling exhausted?

Maybe try some relaxation techniques tonight? Even a hot bath and a feel good film.

I realise that won’t solve your problems but some self care is vital to your mental health Flowers

I hope that doesn’t sound patronising, not my intention!

Livelovebehappy · 27/03/2023 23:10

And you thought introducing a puppy into the mix was a good idea? Sounds like you had a huge amount on your plate already, and getting a puppy which needs a lot of commitment in itself, was never going to be a good idea.

Babyandmexox · 27/03/2023 23:15

Please don’t feel bad your mum is only having a week in your shoes which is amazing of her to help out btw. But you really seem like you need it, mentally. Unfortunately we can’t isolate away from people when we have mental health issues. Enjoy, and don’t feel guilty catch up on housework, sleep and pamper yourself because this week will fly over and you’ll be back to mayhem again.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 27/03/2023 23:15

If your mum doesn't crack the toilet training I would leave it a few months until the weather is nicer. Hopefully they will all benefit from a break. Covid doesn't have to be long lasting. You can recover quite quickly if the guilt becomes too much. Get the house sorted, have some time to yourself, maybe see the GP/ set up appointment.

Original poster
JustHereExhausted · 27/03/2023 23:28

not to be negative but not sure the GP can really do much, im on sertraline and that honestly seems to be the only option really...

i am definitely feeling a little better about my decision and hope i can feel better after this week and if ive managed for as long as i have, i hope the positive reset will have been of help.

i know the puppy sounds like it was an awful idea and honestly maybe it was but i just want to help my son, my eldest and him used to be really close but my eldest literally has no patience for him these days and my son struggles with having any kind of friends at all and his bond with her has already made me think long term it will be worth it

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 27/03/2023 23:40

You sound like a lovely mum. I know it’s difficult to enforce ground rules but your 15 year old is old enough to pitch in at home occasionally.

Could you ask them what they’d be willing to help with, or draw up a rota together? Maybe for pocket money?
Just small things- dog walking, washing up or minding the little one?

Original poster
JustHereExhausted · 27/03/2023 23:47

Yes that would be great and I have kept meaning to sit down and do something like that and figured I’d be able to get that sorted this week as well… because he’s actually not a bad kid, I think he would actually benefit from that kind of rules and structure because right now there’s literally not much when it comes to expectations from him

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 27/03/2023 23:50

Good luck, I know parenting teens is tricky.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get everything sorted this week. Remember to put self care on your to do list too! X

gkhg · 27/03/2023 23:51

I think you've done the right thing, BUT the time won't be useful to you if you spend it feeling guilty about what you've done, or if you feel guilty for it after. That's the best thing my partner has taught me.

Sleepyandconfused · 28/03/2023 00:11

You are my hero and I am 100% going to save this idea for myself. Have a good rest and don’t feel guilty. You have earned it.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/03/2023 00:14

Why on earth did you get a puppy if you can’t cope already?

Original poster
JustHereExhausted · 28/03/2023 00:17

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/03/2023 00:14

Why on earth did you get a puppy if you can’t cope already?

i have already explained why

OP posts:
NewNovember · 28/03/2023 00:23

Do you think it's ok to lie about having cancer op if not why not? Significantly more people have died of covid in the last three years than have died of cancer.

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