I’ve just lost my temper with DC and DH. Now I’m flitting between feeling terribly guilty and walking out the door to never return.
DH and both DSs are diagnosed with ADHD. I have a long term condition and the medications to treat it mean I am chronically exhausted. DH works. I’m a SAHM due to my own illness and caring needs of both DS.
In the space of 24 hours, DH has lost an important piece of MY equipment I needed for a project. It had to be replaced at a small but unnecessary cost. He bought some groceries but left some of it in the shop, he then had to go to a different shop to replace items . He then left some of said groceries out of the fridge on the counter (with other items dumped on top so not easily spotted) and they were no longer edible.
On the way home from school today, DS1 (14) had left a bar of chocolate in his school trousers. By the time he got out of the car , there was chocolate melted in to the car seat.
Whilst I was cleaning this off, DS2 (11) went in to the house and took the food I’d plated up for him in to the conservatory and set it down on the side table. He then wandered off to go to the toilet.
I came inside to find shredded salmon ALL over the carpeted floor with our two dogs frantically trying to scarper with the loot. Unfortunately for DS2, this was the straw to break the camels back and I lost my temper. I ranted like a mad woman and stomped about trying to clean up. DS2 was upset and tried to help by scrubbing the dry carpet with toilet paper, obviously making it worse and making me more cross. I asked him to fetch the vacuum and he brought a stick cleaner.
After cleaning it all up, I made him another meal which he ate, but then left a mess on the chair. When I asked him to clean it, he swiped it all on to the floor (which I had just vacuumed from the salmon incident) in the belief he was dusting the crumbs off.
I asked DH to let me know when he was heading home so I could plan dinner. He forgot.
Written down, it reads as trivial but this kind of stuff is CONSTANT. I take the full mental load of the whole household and most of the chores, and it’s killing me. I become so overwhelmed at times.
I’ve apologised to DS2 for losing my temper and explained I did not handle things well. Fuck me though, how do I remain calm when their mistakes or lack of care are a constant drain on my time and my own limited resources? All three of them lack any thought or care, and whilst I understand it can’t be helped, it is impacting on me hugely. More mess, more time, more of me to give which I just physically don’t have.
Tips for patience please?