Help! Back to work full time after 15 years.

[KnackeredGoat]

As the title says, I’m returning to work full time after 15 years. I did 6 years as a SAHM, then the last 9 years of part time - only 10 hours a week.

DCs are teens now so can fend for themselves to a certain extent. I don’t have any school runs to do and I’ll be commuting which I’ve never done before.

DH commutes and works long hours but can occasionally work from home and is great at doing his fair share.

Any tips please on when to fit everything in? Cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, gym etc. What can I do to make things easier for myself? I’m going to give the house a spring clean before I start but I’m more worried about the day to day stuff.

How long is your commute? I've not done it for a while but there's a big practical difference between 10 minutes down the road and an hour, or worse. Will you be commuting every day or are there wfh options?

Everyone pulls their weight so teens do their own washing and cook a meal a week. I have a tesco delivery slot same time every week so everyone knows. It saves a huge amount of time. Easy meals too so pasta, pizza each week. I did get a slow cooker and find it good to do a stew in etc as i can do it and go. Cleaning just take it as it comes, some weeks i do more than others but try and keep on top of it. You do get into a routine.

It will be a 15 minute drive to the station, then about 30 minutes on the train. I don’t think there is the option to work from home, but the hours are flexible as long as I do my quota over the week.

defo food delivery and meal plan
encourage teens to start up meal work - even if its just get the stuff out ready for someone to cook but taking it in turns really eases the load - same with clear out.

Wash on before work and instigate washing sorting so its just in one place and presorted whites, darks colours.

I would get a cleaner once a week - doing it once a week yourself as well - or with help from others.

have a rota for every day Monday bath 1 Tue hoover main areas, wed kitchen, thur lounge, friday cleaner and day off for you etc.

Try and keep weekends free bar short stint for washing/cooking etc.

bedrooms everyones own responsibilities

Lower expectations!

Use the time in the train! Either as downtime for you (podcast, read a book etc) or to do online food shopping etc.

If you can afford it outsource, for us that’s a cleaner, others might want a gardener.

Ok so call it an hour door to door, by the time you factor in parking, getting on the platform etc.

I agree with a pp it would make sense to do admin type stuff on your phone on the train if you can. Shopping etc.

Thanks everyone. Admin on the train is a good idea. We are right at the start of the line so I should be ok to get a seat every day. The line gets really busy where I’ll be getting off.

I already meal plan, so should be easy to take the plan with me and do an online shop.

I went from 20 hours to more than full time at a similar stage

This may not apply to you but dh still struggles with accepting that he had a very easy ride for all the years I was part time and picked up most of the household/childcare routines.
If I’m honest it is still a source of tension.

In some areas we found a way forward by dividing tasks so that he knows what is on him without too much discussion. In his case, most child related lifts; dishawasher; hoovering ; bins. Me - mostly laundry and food.

things that helped: I have a cleaner who focuses on downstairs and bathrooms once a fortnight 3 hours so the floors etc are done to an adequate standard.
laundry is important to me so I still do this myself. If weather is good on my days off I try to do extra, I have a big machine so do approx 6 loads a week. I plan ahead to make sure uniform and other essentials is always prioritised.
Food is very much simplified unless I am feeling that I want to make a special meal.

if I feel overwhelmed that we need a big shop, I put it off and just pick up food for a couple of days. Might not work for everyone but does for me.

@onepieceoflollipop I think everyone here is going to struggle. I’ve always felt a bit mean asking the DC’s to do things when I’m at home most of the time, so I’ve told them they’ll need to step up, but I’m not sure they really get it yet!

DH will do anything I ask, but I have to ask which is frustrating - he’d never think to do anything himself. And he has a tendency to be ott in his approach. If I ask him to run the hoover round quickly because we’ve got people coming round, he’ll spend an hour upstairs moving furniture to do behind the beds!

Following for ideas. I've been a SAHM for over 15 years and still currently at home full time with no children but eventually I'd like to get a job!

@KnackeredGoat
there will definitely be a period of adjustment for you all.
also, please make sure that you look after yourself, some days everyone else has food in fridge and I vaguely think I’ll sort myself out later…
I am fortunate in that working ft gave us a bit more spare money so I do make a point of occasionally buying myself a nicer lunch or coffee out of that.

also your days off should not be taken up literally mopping up from your working days. I had to lower my standards a bit.

Could you work compressed hours and then have a day off each week or at least an afternoon?

@CC4712 I can’t work compressed hours, but there is flexible working where I can build time up to take off. Not sure exactly how it works yet and if I’ll be able to use at as frequently as once a week, but maybe if I could take a day a month to catch up on cleaning etc that might help.

Get your stuff ready the night before work each day
Clothes
Food for packed lunch
Work bag

Why do you feel mean asking your children to help? They are old enough to start learning how to do things around the house.

I certainly won’t feel mean asking them to help once I’m back at work, but in the past I haven’t felt it fair to ask them to unload the dishwasher or walk the dog or whatever when I’ve been at home all day. Same as I wouldn’t expect DH to come home from being out at work for 12 hours and cook dinner when I’ve been at home all day.

Sat mine down and had a house meeting.
Pointed out that we now all worked or studied full time so we all needed to help keep the house running.
DC responsible for own washing, bedrooms, bathroom.
Also cook one night a week each, clean kitchen 2 nights a week and help with animals.
Chore chart written at this point which included DH and me cooking and cleaning.
Chart updated each term to take into account part time jobs, sport etc.

Presumably they eat, wear clothes, use the bathroom too? So why would it be mean that children should help out with things like cooking, laundry, unpacking the dishwasher (when old enough obviously). It is irrelevant whether the parent is at home all day or not.

Children have to learn to be adults eventually, and that starts in the home, with age-appropriate chores.

What level of cooking ability do the teens have? It would be a good idea if they were responsible for one meal a week each. Actually even if you weren't increasing your hours it's a useful thing for them to get into their routine and repertoire. Doesn't have to be anything complex. Can start small with jackets and a filling, that level. Even some of that prefilled fresh pasta and they can just boil it.

Also do your household like meals that involve assembling rather than cooking? I mean something like smoked mackerel and bagged salad with crusty bread. Because if you can do one meal like that a week it's an easy night.

Depending on their current level of cooking, skills etc, I'd start with showing them a simple meal to start with. Practice it on the weekend, and then they cook it during the week. Some student cookbooks are simple and easy to follow. (I personally like photos) 😀

Make sure the kids do things, they need to learn how to do household things and how to fit it into normal life so they can do it for themselves when they move out. Make it clear which child should be doing what, rather than give them joint responsibilities, that just ends up with them arguing it wasn't their turn. Alternate jobs so it works for you and them, round which nights they go out etc. Cooking a meal a week, dealing with the pots after tea, putting the bins out, sorting clean laundry are all easy to hand over.
Get a cleaner and remember that having it all doesn't mean doing it all!!
You shouldn't have to make your life harder than anyone else in the family does to keep everything running, why should you work longer hours all month so you can take a day a month to make everyone else's life easier?

Thanks for all the replies. DC are actually fairly decent cooks. I have spent some of my time at home teaching them how to look after themselves. One is better than the other and can do pretty much anything. Even done a roast a few times. Other DC is lazier although can do pasta, scrambled egg and anything chucked in the oven.

They do both have jobs to do. Between them they clear the table after dinner, empty all the bins, walk the dog a few times a week and keep their own rooms clean and tidy. They’ll have to do more though once I’ve started work, although older DC is at college and does work weekends and school holidays.

Hello! Good luck with your new job.

If you have an iPhone, try using shared notes. We have one for the shopping list, meal plan, etc

Start properly using iPhone calendars. One for each member of the family, including the dogs.

Up your cleaner, you're earning now and don't want to waste weekends cleaning.