Single mums (with no new partner) do you ever feel sad after a nice day with your children?

[Singleparent36]

I have been a single mum for 2 years. They stay with their dad twice a week.
I’ve had a lovely weekend with my children but I go to bed feeling sad that it’s just me and them. Even after a good day I still feel like that.
I also still hate the days they go to their dad, despite being glad of the break. I feel very lonely and down.
any tips would be much appreciated.

No. But then I love being single! And find men not worth the hassle so I love the peace of not having one.
Do you have many friends? Family?

Yes I’ve a lot of friends and a great supportive family so have seen them over the weekend but I guess I feel like this wouldn’t be the life I would have chosen for myself and I feel jealous when I see 2 parent families out together

Fill the days that they are not with you with things you can't do with them. Look at what is on at the local theatre or cinema and go see a showing of something. If they always go to Dad's on a set day get a gym session, friends meet up whatever set up so that you don't just spend the day doing chores. When DD stays with her dad I treat myself to some nice bits from M&S, a new book and some posh(ish) chocolates.

One of the harder things about being a single parent is not being able to share the nice things with anyone, but takes lots of photos and share with interested grandparents or even the DC once they get older.

This may or may not be helpful, but -

Currently I'm struggling with secondary infertility and I can't help but clock how many kids people have. Whilst out with my DH and DS I'd probably feel a pang over your not only-child DC. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Now if only I could take my own advice

Yes. I know exactly what you mean. Especially after a busy happy day- she’s all settled in bed, I flop down on the sofa, and would just love to have someone else to bring me a cup of tea and say, ‘so how was the day out?’

I have to make my own tea, do the dishes, laundry, tidy up. No one to share any of it with. No one to say oh never mind all that, you’ve had a busy day, we’ll sort it in the morning. Just me. Again. Like always.

Then I remind myself I didn’t have that even when I wasn’t single, because ex was useless, that’s why he was an ex! And I’ve had a lovelier day with DD while single than we could have when I was stuck with ex.

I understand why you feel the contrast but being part of a couple isn't the be all and end all. So many couples are not happy, and that impacts their children. Having a happy and secure home for your children is the most important thing for them.

I've been a single mum for a long time. My ds is 14 and he is happy & well balanced. I've learned to enjoy my freedom. I've had one relationship in the last 10 years and ds coped well with it, but I know he sighed with relief when we stopped seeing each other.

I'm sure you'll find someone lovely but don't rush. Regain your balance, learn to enjoy your own company again first

Yes I do but that’s because I have no friends either so when I go to places with the children I’m often the only one on my own I’ve noticed. My kids dad doesn’t have them so don’t even get a break so they are with me everyday sometimes I dread going places as I’m always on my own and there’s always so many couples/ families/ big groups of friends

I don't feel like that at all.

My dc never go to their dads, he had chosen to see them very occasionally.

Ultimately as a previous reply, comparison really is the thief of joy.

Look after yourself.

I used to feel like this when mine was small. Being out and about in the sunshine seeing all the happy families, couples managing the children together. I never had that having been alone since pregnancy.

Years later with a grown up dc and those feelings don't even figure. I'm glad to be single. But I do understand how it feels

I’m usually fine. I’ve learned to enjoy my own company and I’m quite happy without a man!! But I found this past Christmas particularly hard.
My exH and I actually get on really well as mates, and we do Christmas at my house, the 5 of us together. He’s here in the morning for the DCs to open their presents, has Christmas lunch with us and then goes off in the afternoon to visit his family.
He’d gone, I was left to clean up the post-Christmas carnage and get the DCs to bed, and once they’d gone to bed I just felt really really lonely and deflated. We’d had a lovely day, DCs were so happy, but then sat there on my todd, watching the Christmas specials on telly with a box of celebrations made me feel a bit pathetic.

I don’t feel that way about being single but get really sad when I see families with grandparents because I lost my mum several years ago and my dad is too ill to be out so I totally understand how you feel.

It doesn't really bother me from that aspect: I do worry that it's just DD and I all the time, and she needs a bit of diversity - but then she's got school, and friends, and we're building up to her having other people look after her (evenings and days on a weekend, for example). She's 5 but it's been just us for the last year, and mostly us before that.

Having said all that, I am starting to feel a bit lonely now I'm taking my foot off the brake at work, but from the perspective of wishing we were a family unit again, nope. I can dictate how we spend our time and energy, I won't negotiate that again with anyone.

Me too

No, but I have been a lone parent for 18 years.

megacat 💐for you too

Ive been a widow since mine were small, and often I'd feel like I'd want to turn to someone and share that look that parents share; that of pride and happiness and amazement that they brought these wonderful people into the world. Also at the end of an exhaust, relaxing with that one person who understands the complex mix of emotions in raising your kids. I'm a stepmom too and I know i never felt the same about my stepkids issues or achievements as their parents.