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Original poster

How would you approach this?

17 replies

MumofOne1789 · 26/03/2023 08:53

Have one DS with ex partner. We’re civil and co parent well but not close.

Ive just got out of another relationship that didn’t work out and am considering a sperm donor as I really want another child but feel like time is ticking.

Im thinking of asking my ex partner if he’d like to be that sperm donor. He has a new partner and I’m not sure at all what his plans are or if he even wants another child.

But it would be a good solution, with both having same dad and hopefully he would be involved eventually. I know I have to be open about having the financial chats etc and extent of involvement but it’s early days.

I just want to plant the seed and have an initial discussion. How would you approach this?

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 26/03/2023 08:57

I think you'd need to approach with no financial expectations from him at all to start.

HealthyFats · 26/03/2023 08:59

I think this sounds a terrible idea, sorry, especially as he has a new partner. But if you want to pursue it, I'd do so very gently and in the expectation of the answer being no.

WhatDoesMyFutureHold · 26/03/2023 08:59

I don't think I would - speaking as someone was the new partner to someone who's ex broached the subject with them, it was uncomfortable all around.

If you decide to, I'd just stay matter of fact about the whole thing so he doesn't think you're wanting more than for him to be a sperm donor (like in a relationship).

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Families
soundsystem · 26/03/2023 09:01

From experience, please don't.

You'll create a situation where one of your children has a dad and the other is baffled as to why their 'dad' never bothered with them. It seems straightforward but really isn't. Plus I really doubt your ex's new partner will be on board!

The person I know who is child 2 in this scenario is still having therapy to deal with it in their 30s!

Notamum12345577 · 26/03/2023 09:06

Exactly this

JMSA · 26/03/2023 09:09

Worst idea ever. Hopefully for the sake of his partner, he'll say no.

Original poster
MumofOne1789 · 26/03/2023 09:27

It would be on the condition that eventually he would have the same involvement as DC1, maybe not financially but the split between households.

I was thinking he might want the same thing. To give DC1 a sibling and another child himself with the exact same set up. As it works.

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 26/03/2023 09:30

This is such a bad idea.

WhatDoesMyFutureHold · 26/03/2023 09:43

MumofOne1789 · 26/03/2023 09:27

It would be on the condition that eventually he would have the same involvement as DC1, maybe not financially but the split between households.

I was thinking he might want the same thing. To give DC1 a sibling and another child himself with the exact same set up. As it works.

Has he gave you indication to think that he might want the same thing?

Autienotnautie · 26/03/2023 09:49

I've no experience of this but there's no harm in asking. I'd make it clear it's just a chat. No expectation. With regard to the practicalities if it did go ahead I'd want exact same involvement for both children. Financially it would need to be a discussion as it's initiated by you he may not want to contribute more but it's important if you have another child that they both are treated equally in both households.

WandaWonder · 26/03/2023 09:51

There is not one thing in this that is a good idea a child is not a thing to manage like choosing a holiday

RustBuck · 26/03/2023 09:52

How would I approach it?

I'd start by watching "The Duchess" on Netflix. If the ex's new partner is a millionaire likely to slip you a syringe full of sperm every time she sees you then all will be well 🤣

Harebrain · 26/03/2023 09:52

“Plant the seed”…..sorry but that made me chuckle. I don’t think it’s a good idea though.

FinallyHere · 26/03/2023 12:58

soundsystem · 26/03/2023 09:01

From experience, please don't.

You'll create a situation where one of your children has a dad and the other is baffled as to why their 'dad' never bothered with them. It seems straightforward but really isn't. Plus I really doubt your ex's new partner will be on board!

The person I know who is child 2 in this scenario is still having therapy to deal with it in their 30s!

This. Sorry.

Nopinnogin · 26/03/2023 12:59

FinallyHere · 26/03/2023 12:58

This. Sorry.

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Thirded

Reddickyouless · 26/03/2023 13:04

Terrible idea

Xarrie · 26/03/2023 14:25

I can't imagine his partner being over the moon with this.

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