Guilt over spending money.

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How do I get over the guilt of when you feel like you’re over spent?

please don’t come at me. I have a history of impulse spending mainly to try give me a dopamine boost but the last 12 months or so I’ve worked incredibly hard to not spend much unless I really need. I stop and think about it and I feel better for it and financially in a better situation and I am getting debt under control - I was never in masses of debt but enough.

today, well today I’ve spent too much. I needed some new clothes and this was a need as I have nothing to wear over the coming spring. I rarely buy clothes. I went to Asda so got quite a bit for £150.

fast forward until after I picked dc up, both were in full blown school burnout - both have Sen.

it has been a shitty week, lots of things going on and been feeling my MH slipping and today I really wasn’t in the mood to cook. Dp on a 13 hour shift.

Usually my go to would be McDonald’s but I live hour away away from one and I couldn’t be assed to drive so I told the kids we’d get a delivery from a local kebab/burger shop as it is the only place they delivers.

bought 2 x chicken nuggets and chips
2 x pizzas to share
1 burger for dp when he gets home
1 potion of chips

and it was £50! I had already told the kids so couldn’t say no! We haven’t had it probably in 12 months but we did have lunch out on Mother’s Day last week.

so now I feel awful how much I’ve spent on take away in the last 7 days. guilty that I bought clothes myself!

i have also just paid out for new carpets (very much needed as not been done in 12 + years and getting old).

hideously awful that I have eaten food that cost so much.

Sorry if I sound dramatic but with the Easter holidays coming up I wanted to save as much as poss for that to entertain the kids!!

I also have guilt over spending - hugs. What do you think is the cause of this thinking pattern for you? Do you feel you don’t deserve it? Do you feel wrong for the types of things you spend money on? I would try to work that out first. What helps me is thinking that, I work hard, money is just money and it really is ok to have nice things. It’s not hard to spend lots of money at the moment with things being so expensive. You rarely buy clothes - everyone needs clothes! Try to be gentle on yourself, what would you advise your DC?

I always find that kind of takeaway is so expensive for what you actually get. I sympathise with the ‘how much!’ shock.

I mean, I guess I do wonder why, if you were at Asda today, and knew you’d had a bit of a shit week and didn’t fancy cooking, that you didn’t just grab some nuggets, chips and pizzas for tea?

Anyway, what’s done is done. Resolve not to do it again by having some easy freezer food on hand. If you think you’ve overspent on clothes, you can return some - unless you’re starting from nothing you maybe didn’t need as many?

I'm the same, I felt guilty doing the food shop earlier. I then met a friend for lunch and spent £10 over my budget and have spent all afternoon telling myself that's it from now on and that it has to come out of next weeks budget.

My debt is also being paid off so the little luxuries aren't from that money. But because I got into debt due to the need to spend to cheer myself up I always feel guilty when I spend money these days.

Thank you. I’m not sure. My partner is pretty relaxed. He tells me to be careful but never been controlling financially. I think maybe it was my upbringing, never had a lot and when j started a job and earning as a teen my mum would dictate what I should and shouldn’t buy!

I used to over spend a lot with the I deserve it mindset but I don’t really do that anymore!

we will be doing cheap/free things this weekend for sure. My kids don’t do well with staying inside so always have to think of something to do!

my son is a pre teen with SEN and he has got the mindset of if he has money he needs to spend it at the minute, then moans when he has nothing left! It is hard work! 😂

It's all depends whether you're spending is leading you into trouble. The carpets are one thing as they will last for a long time. Could you actually afford £150 for the clothes? How much do you spend on food in a week? Are you in debt at the moment?

It is very expensive. It is the only one they delivers - live very rurally!

tbh I went Asda this morning and I fully intended to cook but the kids were absolute nightmares when they got back. I just felt instantly paralysed and couldn’t be assed!

as for the clothes I need to go through it all, I got one pair of jeans but quite a few basic tops, a cardigan and some leggings just to wear at home. It was lots of cheap things that added up! I did get a few bits for dc in that £150 too who constantly grow!

Maybe we are all feeling a little like it due to the current situation I think! It’s tough times!

Please ignore typos as I am dictating and my phone never understands me.

It has done before but not so much now. we’ve had some money saved put aside for the carpets for a while now so it was ready to go!

Clothes probably not but I’m not lying when I said I have nothing! I did but some clothes for dc too in that.

£90-£100 PW on food! Which might be a lot, I’m not sure but I used to spend that and do a top up but I no longer do much of a top up apart from bread and milk etc. I am wasting less.

I have about £1000 of debt left to pay off but it’s come down and I haven’t added to it in a long while!

My op is probably full of typos as I type too fast 😂

I think it has a lot to do with it. You turn the TV on and there is always some doom and gloom about the cost of living. When you keep hearing how your mortgage will go up, along with fuel etc. add in shit weather and it all feels so depressing so when you do buy something that you need you start feeling guilt.

Well done for working to get on top of your debt and control your spending.
I'd say firstly (to a reasonable extent) forgive yourself for some splurges, especially one or two in 12 months, but each time also recognise it's still an issue and try and focus on how you could minimise it to an even better level next time.

I am the opposite as my mother has manic depression and regularly went on splurges when I was younger spending tens of thousands she didn't have, to the point that I find it hard to spend money now even on reasonable & needed things.
I have learned some positive things from it - I enjoy taking time (over several a days or more) to think about what I want to buy, e.g for clothes I'll put things in an online basket and leave them for a few days to make sure I really want them before I buy. I enjoy hunting for offers and bargains in online sales, comparing costs, items and quality of different shops, and getting things (within reason) that are still good quality second hand from charity shops, fb market place or vinted etc. this all minimises time spent actually spending, and I find I get more of a dopamine hit from searching and thinking about a potential purchase than once I've actually bought whatever it is and have it in my hands.
It may take time to change your mindset to appreciate this side of buying something, but worth working on from the saving aspect at least. you could also try to think of it objectively that anything saved goes towards fun times with your kids and for their future - work in a way of doing this before every time you go to spend any money in a phone note you read or even check with your other half if spending over a set amount or outside of normal costs that aren't supermarket shop etc, and tell him you want him to remind you of this as a double check to think twice about the cost then it should become a habit after repeating enough.

Though I will say it's a bit different for food and takeaways etc, and sometimes for this it's worth being kind to yourself if you and kids etc are tired at the end of a really hard week. Could you look to compromise by going to a supermarket and instead of spending £50 on a takeaway, buy a ready meal equivalent or bits to easily make something quick you can bung in the oven that's more expensive than making from scratch but cheaper than a 'proper' take away.

Take pride in the cost savings you have made and try and keep working on changing your mindset so you get the dopamine hit from cost saving instead - it's not easy but definitely better on the wallet!