Help! Playground politics.

[h311o]

My daughter started pre-school in Jan. She made friends with a little girl and boy. We've had them round for play dates and have gone out of our way to ensure the little girl is included.

The mum of the little girl seems to have something going on in her life and has decided to take it out on me. She went on holiday last week and in the playground made a big song and dance about bringing the boy a present back and excluded my little girl.

It was really tough to watch her look on whilst she was left out, especially as the mum kept looking at me. Today's the first proper school run I've done since then. I wanted some space so arrived on time for the doors opening and then hung back whilst everyone left so I could walk home alone.

The mum waited on the corner of where I live and started shouting at me 'why aren't you talking to me today'. I replied I wanted some space and carried on walking, yet, she continued shouting. I eventually had to stop and explain I found her behaviour rude and this finally stopped her.

My plan is to carry on with my normal routine but focus on chatting to the other parents if I end up being early and keep my distance from this one. Any advice for if she stands shouting at me in the street again?

Wow she is unhinged! Her world will come crashing down around her OP and she will have no friends.

This will mean her daughter won't get invited anywhere as she grows up. (Awful but such is life)

Just pity them both, keep your distance and move on! Can your partner / kids dad do some of the pick ups and drop offs? 😊

My advice is to be on the phone when you're walking home. Phone your mum / best friend / partner and explain why x

I don't quite understand the OP. She didn't bring a present back from her holiday for your daughter, but she did for her son?

Her daughter is in a friendship group with a boy and my daughter. The mum brought a present back for the boy but nothing for my 3.5 yo daughter. She made a big song and dance about giving the present to the boy in front of my daughter and kept looking over at me whilst she did this.

Something doesn’t sound right with her. Try and ignore her, chat to other parents etc. If she starts shouting again repeat what you’ve already said to her as it made her stop before. Re the gift to the boy maybe she knows his family much more than you, but regardless it’s not usual to bring gifts back from holiday to some random kid at preschool so, again, ignore and tell your DC she just knows them very well.

You have many years ahead of potential encounters with parents/carers with the school run so best to try and grow a thick skin and not take it personally.

No, I'd developed a genuine friendship with the boy's mum so I've asked her. The children only started hanging around together once my daughter started pre-school and their teacher now refers to them in front of us parents as the three amigos. I fell into the role of organiser, so they've only seen each other outside of pre-school when I've organised the play date.

Ah, I see. She does sound a little unhinged re the shouting, though I wouldn't ever expect a present from anyone's holiday, let alone give that expectation to DDs, and especially when they have just been mates with someone at pre-school.

She sounds weird.

But honestly, you are probably going to meet a few odd parents as the years go on. Because some people are very, very strange and it seems to get polarised when they have children and they take it out on other parents around them.

Just nod, smile, tell them their children are lovely/clever/good at xyz if it’s called for and don’t get involved past that.

(Bitter lessons learned over 16 bloody years and counting of playground politics thanks to big age gaps, my youngest is 2 - I’ve got years more of this bullshit to come).

Thank you everyone for the support, I did/do need it. I know the situation is absolutely bonkers and I just need to distance myself from this woman but I did have a big cry this morning.

My husband does do the school run often but I don't want to feel pushed out of doing it. When she moves up to reception my little girl's school will be a car ride away.

The present was a piece of rock and a cheap plastic windmill. My LO doesn't expect presents. The issue was the big fuss the mum made whilst looking at me to ensure I knew my daughter was being deliberately left out.

If she pulls this move again I now have a stock phrase I'm happy to say on repeated until she goes away.