Really worried about autistic DD starting secondary school

[DropItRound]

Does anyone here have any reassuring words for me?

We didn't get the secondary school we wanted for DD. She got a place at our local school. The SEN support isn't as good.

I'm really worrying tonight. DD has done so well at primary school. It feels like such a massive step for her (I'm sure ever parent feels this way).

Your daughter's primary should have a briefing session handover with her new school. Speak to the SENCO at the secondary before she starts and ask if she can have a tour of the school.

Work out how she is going to get there. If she is going to catch a bus, drive the route so she is familiar with it and discuss with her what she should do if she is worried.

Most schools have a familiarisation day for new year 7s.

My dd is autistic and didn't go to the same school as her primary friends.she did very well in primary school and is doing just as well in her secondary school, even though she was the only child who went from her primary school. She has a nice little group of friends.

A few things came up that we had to navigate like - she gets anxious if seating plans are changed, she doesn't like receiving test results in front of other students, I have to help her make sure she has the correct books in her bag and PE kit the night before. We put together the things she needs for her period which she keeps in a make up bag in her school bag all the time . If you have any concerns you need to discuss you contact the head of year and Senco.

The one thing that did concern me were the issues that can come up with friendship groups and I recall someone advising me to tell my dd that sometimes the friends they hang around with at the beginning if the year may change throughout the year.

This was good advice. My dd has also asked advice through the year on how to deal with certain friends issues as she sometimes struggles to read social situations but we chat about it and she has managed fine.

She knows which teacher to speak to if she has concerns at school.good luck to your dd. My dd loves her secondary school much more than primary!

I was really worried about my DD, but I have actually found that the high school is a lot more supportive than the primary school was. They have offered her multiple interventions/groups for managing anxiety, learning difficulties, allow her time out of lessons if she is having an anxiety attack.

It has actually made me reevaluate the primary school and realise that there was a lot more that could have been done to help her.

I think the structure helps DD too. Having a timetable means that she knows what is coming next.

It sounds silly, but I hadn't expected the teachers in high school to be as kind and compassionate as they are.

Thank you both ❤️

I have the same worry. My dd really struggles at primary school but her secondary school has very good sen support or so I've heard so fingers crossed she gets on ok.

I was worried about this too. Everyone had said that this is when it gets difficult for autistic girls as the social stuff becomes more important.
My dd is autistic, she found a group of quirky kids and they are all lovely. She seemed happier than at primary. Now at college doing A levels.
It might just be okay!

Thank you. It's so good to hear this.

Can I drop in too? DS is going this year and I'm also really worried but trying not to show it! His primary are frankly useless, so we're hoping secondary will be better for him. I'm worried about the social side and travel - the idea of having to wave him off on his bike and hope he gets there fills me with dread.

Same here. My DS starts in September and it honestly feels like I'm about to push him off a cliff. All I hear are stories of boys with ASD who's mental health is absolutely battered, extreme bullying - just awful. We are in a battle with the LA to get him the support he will need but the system is so underfunded and poor that everything takes months!
It's just an awful situation.

one of our children has history of global delay with further speech delay on top. He is catching up but also has dyslexia and some processing difficulties on top. He’s young for his age and although lucky to be at a lovely primary school, it hasn’t been easy for him. I was so worried about him going to secondary. Our primary school asked for an enhanced transition for him which was great. He went weekly to secondary school over lunchtime and that helped him as he got to know their lunchtime routine and school layout before he started. He also was on the TA supports’ watchlist of kids to watch out for when he started and there always used to be one member of staff meeting the school buses each day who would give him a greeting by name and check he was ok. They have a designated club for kids to go to anytime of the school day for support of any kind. Secondary school is so different from when I went. They really view the child’s emotional well-being as part of their remit too now.

Another of our children who chose a different secondary, who has a lot of the traits on the autism spectrum, was struggling silently in year 7 till he exploded. I thought school was calling as they were angry for him for exploding - mildly but inappropriately! - but they were calling as they took it as a sign he needs help. SENCO got involved - he also noticed some traits that fitted with our child having support they offer children identified as having autism and they kickstarted the help without need for actual diagnosis etc, they moved where he sat in the class, SENCO set up half s term of weekly catch’s up with him and it was all sorted within a fortnight. I learnt from this and asked for enhanced transfer for our second child - so he got support from before he even started.
It is a worry and it is a big step for them but schools are better equipped to help these days is my experience.

my son is in year 8 now, he has an ehcp which provides full 1-1 which is essential for him. We have had issues along the way and have adjusted his timetable a bit but on the whole he copes brilliantly with the routine in school.

i would suggest contacting the senco now and asking to meet the senco to discuss everything and how they will manage transitions. Ds and a small group of other students had an extended transition where they went into school one morning a week for the last half term of year 6 in order to get used to things. They also made a photo book of key places and people in school so he could familiarise

The most important thing (both at primary and secondary level) is a supportive parent keeping an eye on things, and it sounds like you're doing that already. Just keep on.

When I was a SENCo, we had an enhanced induction for some students. They would have extra visits, meet some of the TAs, take photos of key places in school, look at the subject areas and the Learning Support centre, which was open to them at lunchtime, if they wanted a quiet space.

We couldn’t always tell them exactly who their teachers would be, because it’s not always settled at that stage, but they were always introduced to staff who would help them.

Thank you to everyone who has responded.

I flip flop between thinking she'll be ok and being absolutely terrified for her!

For others in the same situation, maybe we can post here if we need a place to talk and seek support?

Mine made friends with boys in the send area and has done really well.

Hi OP, My Y6 DS is autistic and has inattentive type ADHD. I've been having sleepless nights about him starting. He's exhausted from school even in a tiny, supportive primary. And he's the only one from his school going, so won't have the support of friends.....A supportive thread sounds great idea.