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Work silly ideas and background trauma

16 replies

Dontwannabeonstageffs · 23/03/2023 17:14

So, work has asked us to each to sing or mime part of a song for a colleague who is leaving. It’s a fun and happy idea right?

I have refused and I know my colleagues are all (well some) thinking I’m a spoil sport. Which I guess I am. I’m lucky to work with a few who are closer in my dept, who were really understanding, if disappointed with my firm ‘no’.

But anything like this triggers me terribly. I can’t explain to work obviously - and I feel bad now, as colleagues will be doing it who aren’t keen themselves, but are trying to be a good sport.

A bit of background:

My mother had a friend with a child the same age as me. The friend sent her child singing and dancing lessons. My mum couldn’t afford both, so I got sent dancing. I was forever put up into competition against the friends daughter - both dancing and singing competitions and I couldn’t even hit a note. I felt routinely humiliated.

But it didn’t stop there. After inevitability losing said competitions, I’d be screamed at; called names; made to feel ugly and useless; in some extreme cases I was punched repeatedly and sent to bed early. On one occasion I was made to practice dance moves in the shower naked, whilst being watched for my performance standard. This happened from as early as I can remember and petered out when I hit my mid teens. I get on well with my mum now and it’s long been repented for and forgiven.

But, I can’t ‘perform’ for any reason. Being on stage, in videos, performing in any capacity makes me feel violently ill, horrendously anxious and triggered as it raises awful memories for me. I’m shaking just writing this.

But I look like a miserable git. They can’t possibly understand and I feel sick now.

Sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest.

OP posts:
pensionconfusion · 23/03/2023 17:17

It's your choice and to be honest I would have done the same. I have refused similar in the past. Didn't go down well but it was my choice.

Nimbostratus100 · 23/03/2023 17:19

I doubt anybody seriously cares that you are not doing it, just say no, you are not comfortable with it, and that is the end of the conversation

PinkFrogss · 23/03/2023 17:21

Honestly most people will probably feel jealous of you being assertive enough to refuse - hardly anyone wants to do that sort of thing!

Sorry to hear about your past Flowers if anyone at work is funny about it I’m sure they’ll soon forget it.

Greenfairydust · 23/03/2023 17:22

''So, work has asked us to each to sing or mime part of a song for a colleague who is leaving. It’s a fun and happy idea right?''

Frankly this is such a silly, cringeworthy idea...

I have no idea why anyone would think that this is an appropriate/necessary way to say goodbye.

How many people are there anyway in your team? do they just expect everyone to waste 30 minutes/an hour viewing 20 people ''performing'' in this way?

I would not feel like you have to share your personal story. You have said you are not comfortable doing this, that's all they need to know.

Anotheanon · 23/03/2023 17:28

If I was your colleague I would be thinking thank you for being the first brave enough to stand up and say no. There is no way I would join in with this at all.

Northernsouloldies · 23/03/2023 17:33

Forced hilarity trumps forced enjoyment, who the fuck thinks up these things.

LlynTegid · 23/03/2023 17:38

Your wishes should be respected. Assuming everyone has signed a card, or there is a gift, you could be the one to hand it over, as an alternative.

Some people are tone deaf and unable to sing at all, a condition that should be respected, even if it does not apply to you.

I bet the colleague who is leaving would not like it- what if you told them in advance?

harkerlee · 23/03/2023 17:47

Honestly most people will probably feel jealous of you being assertive enough to refuse - hardly anyone wants to do that sort of thing!

This. It sounds completely cringeworthy. I'm sorry for the trauma you went through. Even aside from that, it's perfectly reasonable to say no and you dont have to give a reason other than that you don't want to/ don't feel comfortable.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 23/03/2023 17:52

OP, I have absolutely none of the past trauma you do, and yet I'd still be saying no to it.

Don't feel guilty about it, don't feel like you need to explain yourself. If anyone asks why you're not doing it "I don't want to" is a perfectly valid answer.

Your work are being unreasonable here,. Not you

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 23/03/2023 17:52

Who thought of this shit? I'd seriously consider reporting them to HR.

I wouldn't be doing this either.

SwedishEdith · 23/03/2023 17:58

I did something like this recently for an unwell colleague. Usually I'd be firmly in your camp but felt I should be the good sport. And it was actually okay. We didn't do one line though, we were altogether so I'm sure some stayed on mute. For yours, if you feel you actually would like to join in (which I think you might because you've posted here), could you just hold a card/s with the lyrics a la Subterranean Homesick Blues ? Would be quite cool.

HoneyPotBee · 23/03/2023 18:02

I’m sorry you went through that op Flowers

InSpainTheRain · 23/03/2023 18:08

Stuff that. It would be a no from me too. But don't bother trying to justify why you won't do it, just give them a no. They sound like they are all 4 years old, not professionals at work!

freyagi · 23/03/2023 18:16

That's bloody awful, re. your background. Shocking behaviour from your mother.Flowers

That aside I think a lot of people wouldn't be comfortable doing song or mime. I just wouldn't want to because it's not my thing. Just say no. You don't need to offer up an explanation even.

Dontwannabeonstageffs · 23/03/2023 18:29

Thanks all. I think I just come home feeling a bit wound up and needed to vent.

I’ve said no now, so that’ll be it. It’s just I wish we wouldn’t be put in such a position, but I guess some people must like it.

Regarding the colleague who’s leaving, I can’t imagine this will be her thing, but I don’t know her very well, so perhaps it is.

OP posts:
jay55 · 23/03/2023 19:55

If I was the colleague who was leaving I'd be dying of cringitis.
Unless you're performers it's frankly a bizarre idea.

Well done for saying no.

I'm so sorry for all you wen through and all it's bringing back up.

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