I'm in a bit of a mess. To give some background details. I'm in my early 40s. Have 3 kids with long term DH. They are early teens / primary aged. DH unexpectedly passed away suddenly 3 years ago. Has been extremely hard trying to hold it all together, being a single parent, financially, physically and mentally. However I am in a great place now and things are ticking over nicely.
Around 2 years ago I met a guy when on holiday with the kids. Circumstances are very outing so will just say we did a holiday activity together and he was in our group. We got along and swapped numbers and stayed in touch. We became good friends.
A year in he said he had feelings for me. I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship and just wanted to concentrate on kids etc. Another year has gone by since then. The other day, we hugged to say good bye to each other and he kissed me. I pushed him back initially but then kissed him back. We kissed for awhile before I stopped and said goodbye.
My head is really confused. I really really like him alot but after having been through so much Im scared of being in a relationship. But after the other day I've started thinking how nice it would be for me and even the kids to have someone. He's met the kids a few times and they know him from the activity.
Normally I would in this circumstance just give it a go but I feel so confused. I haven't spoken to him about it and he's rang twice and I have just ignored the calls. He then texted yesterday saying that he's sorry and that he hopes we can still be friends. I know I need to talk to him but I don't know what to say as Im confused.