Miscarriage alone. Struggling…

[Itsbinnighttonight]

I’m a mother of three, unfortunately just before Christmas my husband and I decided to separate as it hadn’t been working for a while.

Stupidly at the end of February I had unprotected sex with an old friend, I took the morning after pill but ovulation had clearly already started so at 9po I had a positive result.

Just before the positive my husband and I had a really positive discussion about getting back together and working things out, unfortunately I then found out I was pregnant and after waiting till 12dpo to confirm I sat down my husband to say I had sex whilst I was single and that I am pregnant as a result and I informed potential babies father who ghosted immediately.

DH said I would have to terminate to be able to fix things and I said I’d need some time to think about it as it’s a big decision.

Today at 5 weeks pregnant I’ve began bleeding and clotting heavily, DH is aware but will not discuss it as it’s obviously not his baby. I’m really struggling with the pain tonight and trying to bath the little ones as well as do the housework.

He has gone out for the evening which is completely his right to do, but he didn’t want me to tell any friends or family so that if we get back together properly they won’t be aware of this. But I feel so alone tonight because I have nobody to talk to. I know it’s my fault really but still, I just feel quite emotionally drained.

Thank you for listening x

OP my heart is breaking for you. A perfect storm of bad luck. You haven't done anything wrong. In fact you've been honest and courageous. Your DH needs to remember that and not punish you. If he had had sex with someone else in the same circumstances he wouldn't have to carry this burden. I would judge him on how kind he is to you at the moment.

Just sending you 💐, sorry I don't have any advice but stay strong. Agree with pp you are brave and have done the right thing. I hope your DH is kind and your marriage survives (if you truly want it to).

Ok, first things first.

1. keep a note of how heavy the bleeding is, clots etc. If the bleeding hasn't stopped by the morning you must talk to the GP; they will need to monitor and then check that you have fully miscarried.

2. Take some ibuprofen as that will help with muscle pain.

It's awful that your husband is being the way he is, but you were separated and people do things they regret. If he is not going to permit you to even mention the miscarriage, make sure you get some help - SANDS have counsellors that you can talk to.

You also need to consider the chance that you don't miscarry or don't fully miscarry and need a D&C - he is going to have to step up to look after the children in the second scenario and have some story in place. But if you don't miscarry at all then you will need help with your next decision.

The key thing is to go and see your GP tomorrow urgently - don't let the practice fob you off, and if they do see if the local hospital has a Gynae/Obstetrics emergency unit that can assess and help you.

Practical help aside, sending you much love and a virtual hand to hold.

I'm sorry OP.

I think it's your right, not DH's to tell any of your friends or family. If you feel it would help, please do.

I think you've been brave to tell your DH about the sex / pregnancy.

I do have sympathy for him too, it's a tough situation.

Make sure to take time to recover from your m/c before even contemplating getting back together. It's a big decision.

He just came home and saw me taking an ibuprofen and said ah for F sake, shouldn’t have opened your legs then and took skanky skanky dick. I’m sobbing. I just wish I had someone x

What an utter twat. Can you not ring a friend?

What a vile man. Thinking of you hugs.

How are things this morning OP? I hope you're ok, and that when you're feeling better you have the strength to kick this arsehole into touch. He's shown what kind of man he is.

for you OP. Look after yourself and see your GP.

Your 'DH' is showing you who he is. Surely you wouldn't get back with him after the way he is treating you. I get it's difficult but where's his compassion. He will hold this over you and never let you forget it.

I'm sorry for your loss and that you are going through this alone.

But on that note, dont get ack with him, anyone can that can be so cold and leave you to it, because 'it's not his' is not someone you want in your life, and will most likely be a cunt about this forever more.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I found heat helped and being near the bathroom.

Your ex-husbsnd sounds like a horrible, nasty man. Please don't get back with him, it was the right decision to split up in December.

Have you got a friend who you can reach out to? You don't have to carry this on your own ❤️

Jesus Christ.

Please please don't get back with this man.

When you are stronger, make sure he moves our & end this properly.

How are you doing today? 💐

It is a slightly odd position for him to be in so it would be OK (not great but not terrible) for him to be a bit distant from the emotions of the situation. Treat it like you had an illness and be generically supportive by fetching painkillers etc.

It is not OK for him to be cruel and make it worse for you. Those comments were horrific and designed to hurt you at your most vulnerable. I couldn't forgive that and it shows the sort of man and partner he really is.

Don’t you need a scan or something to see if you have actually miscarried? I thought I was having a miscarriage and I was actually bleeding from an ectopic pregnancy and had to have emergency surgery 10 years ago.. I’m so sorry for all you are going through 💐