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Original poster

Feeling responsible for someone I barely know.

9 replies

GoldZip · 22/03/2023 18:21

I'm part of a group that originated through a hobby but now does a wide variety of social things together.

Usually we meet around once a week for the hobby and have coffee after and probably once a month or so for an evening out. Occasionally a weekend away.

Within the last few months a new person has come into our group. We knew him through the hobby, he split with his wife and needed cheering up, I can't remember exactly how, but he was invited to join a night out and has been on most things since. All good.

However about 3 weeks ago he messaged that the doctor had told him not to do the hobby for the foreseeable. Tbh it was one of those messages that give a little dramatic sounding info, asking people to show more interest. No one did. All the replies were, take care, feel better, hope to see you soon. This is because he has a tendency to latch onto anyone who shows too much interest. So we don't know what is actually wrong, but we haven't seen or heard anything of him, not even in the group chat, since.

I feel like "someone" should check in with him, but how if he's not replying to messages? I don't have a telephone number or an address. Also don't really want to be the one he leans on!

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 22/03/2023 18:24

Trust your instinct

Aoneslicesandwichisonlyahalfsandwich · 22/03/2023 18:26

What sort of hobby is it? Is it realistic that a Dr would advise to stop doing it?
Is he on FB or Instagram or something that you could have a look at to see if he’s active on that?
I made the mistake of feeling responsible for someone, it started years of being leaned on because they didn’t have family. I wouldn’t do it again so I wouldn’t be the one to check in in this situation.

Original poster
GoldZip · 22/03/2023 18:26

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 22/03/2023 18:24

Trust your instinct

Which one? The instinct that someone should check or the one that says stay well out of it?!

OP posts:
TheCentreSlide · 22/03/2023 18:26

It sounds like an excuse to leave the group.

Original poster
GoldZip · 22/03/2023 18:29

Aoneslicesandwichisonlyahalfsandwich · 22/03/2023 18:26

What sort of hobby is it? Is it realistic that a Dr would advise to stop doing it?
Is he on FB or Instagram or something that you could have a look at to see if he’s active on that?
I made the mistake of feeling responsible for someone, it started years of being leaned on because they didn’t have family. I wouldn’t do it again so I wouldn’t be the one to check in in this situation.

Yes, it's quite physically demanding, we all have periods when we're not fit to participate, but usually keep in touch socially.

He is usually quite active on FB and that's stopped, but it's usually mostly to do woth the hobby.

We know his MH isn't good, which again is a reason to check but also a reason not to be the one who does.

.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoldZip · 22/03/2023 18:30

TheCentreSlide · 22/03/2023 18:26

It sounds like an excuse to leave the group.

No, I don't think so. He'd still be attending other things with the hobby, plus no one would mind if anyone didn't want to come, it's very low key.

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 22/03/2023 18:35

Unless he’s flounced left the group chat I’d just casually say, the next time a social evening is planned “hope you can make it Jim, even if you’re having to stay away from jousting for another while”

YogaLite · 22/03/2023 18:35

Probably moved on, I would leave him to it.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 22/03/2023 19:05

Stay well out of it! @GoldZip

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