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Original poster

Burn out

6 replies

Farmersswife · 22/03/2023 14:39

Wwyd?

im completely burnt out I have a 5 yr old & 3 month old baby & a very busy household ( horses, dogs ect) baby isn’t sleeping very well through the night hubby isn’t a huge help with children/ house work ect ( large messy farmhouse) and I’m completely burnt out. I’ve thought about booking myself into a hotel for the night but the mum guilt is stopping me. Has anyone any tips on surviving/ coping? I have no external Help / grandparents ect and have virtually no friends or family I feel so lonely and exhausted. Any tips?

OP posts:
Drifta · 22/03/2023 14:59

Totally do the 24h in a hotel room if you possibly can. You can't pour from an empty cup and all that. I did it once with each of my babies, and I swear it made me a better mum for months afterwards.

My only other tip is tag teaming. We got amazing at just switching off when the other one was on duty, and made a point of giving each other long lie ins with kids kept well out of the way at weekends.

It does get easier, I absolutely promise.

TonTonMacoute · 22/03/2023 16:05

To be honest I think you might be setting too much store by a day off, it's going to take a hell of a lot more than 24 hours to feel better, it takes time just to unwind enough to sleep properly.

Can you afford help in the house? A good cleaner would probably do far more good than a night at Premier Inn. If not put a bomb up DH and tell him he needs to get his arse in gear and help more.

Original poster
Farmersswife · 22/03/2023 18:47

I think you are probably right.
move thought about a cleaner and I have messaged a couple. DH isn’t bothered about the mess he’ll help for a couple of days then reverts back. I also run my business from home so I am still working.

OP posts:
Original poster
Farmersswife · 22/03/2023 18:48

I worry because DH is very good at sleeping through a crying baby I am BF so makes it harder. A lie in is a long of the past! DH is always up & out early doing his thing!

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 22/03/2023 20:22

The time out may serve a purpose just by leaving DH to cope on his own, but from what you say he probably just won't really get the message even under those circumstances. There will just be even more crap for you to deal with when you get back!

Getting help in can be a mixed blessing as you might spend as much time overseeing them as doing the work yourself. Good help is amazing. It might be easier to get help for the animals, than home and children.

I also think you need to make a list of tasks/jobs and allocate some of them to DH. From the sound of it you will have to nag a lot for anything to get done. You will have to spell it out how exhausted you are, some men just don't pick up hints. You might want to list the things you can just let go for now

Total guess, but I think you know all this and have given up because getting people to help seems like just as much work as doing it yourself, and it may well get worse before before it gets better. I don't think things will improve unless you organise it I'm afraid.

Drifta · 22/03/2023 23:46

Farmersswife · 22/03/2023 18:48

I worry because DH is very good at sleeping through a crying baby I am BF so makes it harder. A lie in is a long of the past! DH is always up & out early doing his thing!

With a 3 month old and the woman he loves at breaking point? Maybe he needs to stop prioritising doing his thing!!

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