Potential emotional affair

[Nancy79]

Hi,

New here. Not sure if being paranoid or not. Been with husband 35 years, 27 of which we've been married for. Had feelings of something not quite right only once in 35 years, until now. First time was around 14 years ago. Younger work colleague. Our children little. Husband kept mentioning colleague. Spent time out with her (she supported him work wise). At bar with her one night 'Giving her advice'. Fast forward a few months, whilst I'm at my parents' house 160 miles away, decides he needs her to collect something from our house and goes on to cook lunch for her. I confronted him at time, nothing going on etc etc. She eventually moved. Back to now .... I have similar feeling that something not quite right. Gut instinct? I don't know. Teams calls her practically every day. Had sandwiches together (I'm fine with this). Says she's everything previous support has wasn't. She does smallest thing and 'She was brilliant' comments. I never, ever check phone but he's being so protective over it. Thought I'd look. Changed password that he has had for literally years. Is this paranoia on my part? Something just does not feel right. I'm usually very logical but I do think there's something to be said for gut instinct.

Doesn't sound like you're crazy for thinking it!

Thank you 😊

Always trust your gut . I think you know there is something going on .He changed his password for a reason . I hope you get to the truth of it . Try and look for other signs . Most will deny deny so you'll have to do some detective work .

I’ll be honest OP the password change and possessiveness over his ‘phone is a worry. Positive comments about a competent colleague, less so.

But overall I think your instinct may be right. It’s either an affair (emotional or otherwise) or a crush. I’m so sorry.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Something is definitely going on. Sorry OP.

Yep, trust your gut but keep calm. Just be vigilant and keep your antennae up. Sooner or later, it will be revealed.

Gather information. Try to look over his shoulder as he taps in password. You might be able to piece together what it is?

MNetters have issues about looking at partners’ phones but sometimes doing so can lance the boil so you can confront & move forward.

I second the advice to take your time and gather evidence. And in the meantime, be kind to yourself and let yourself be emotional, upset and angry. Trust your instincts that this is an affair - why else would he be secretive? My DH deleted all messages and any trace of the OW as soon as I found out which I obviously cannot now retrieve and I am now stuck in limbo between his lies and finding out the reality.....

I am so sorry to hear that. Do take care of yourself. Thank you for the advice.

Thank you. I know it's awful to check phone but .... this is my marriage. Been together since 18.

You don’t need to apologise - he’s put you in this horrible situation. I worked out DHs passwords for various online shopping sites and saw the endless flowers and gifts he’d been sending his AP (and no doubt there were more)….discovery is important to me

Oh goodness I'm so sorry. I do hope you're as okay as you can be. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

Sorry OP. My ExH also got very protective over his phone and changed his password when he started an affair with someone from work that he also he mentioned a lot.

Unfortunately for him he forgot that he’d given me his work BlackBerry as proof of his fidelity after his first affair. So read all of their emails to each other anyway.

Thank you. Silly question but what else should I be looking for? He is incredibly tech savvy. I've rummaged around work and personal receipts, nothing untoward. Checked bank etc. Looked through pockets. Just wish I could see phone messages.

You seem to be looking in the right places OP (my ExH even had the cheek/stupidity to charge their meal out to the joint account).

Really feel for you op, yes clearly something going on emotional affair or otherwise, hope you are ok love