50 and feel so useless

[PortmeirionTiles]

I know this is stupid. I feel like it only applies to me. I really feel like my life is over. Like nothing really good is going to happen again.

My social anxiety is at such a level that I can no longer enjoy any interaction at all. I’ve had therapy before which was great, sought help again but it only makes it worse, I worry too much about what the therapist thinks of me and that I’m talking too much! I worry that I’m not doing the therapy right.

I feel like I can’t get along with anyone, that I talk too much or for too long and I’m missing social cues (that I’m not even aware of).

I’m fairly certain that I have autism. My children certainly do. I can’t get the right help for them, because (like I was) they’re both quiet and very anxious and cause absolutely no trouble at school. I also can’t get help for myself. I’ve tried and tried.

There’s a lot more but I, oh I don’t know. It’s just all too much right now. My physical health has been really bad too. I’m a freelancer and business has been really slow, I’m losing my confidence there too. And I really feel like there’s no
coming back from any of this, that society has written me off and there’s not even any point trying to lead a fun life anymore because it always backfires, whatever I do I just can’t get along with people and they just don’t like me.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. You are not useless, you are a mother and I doubt your kids think you are useless.
You have also managed to work for yourself, a lot of businesses have been through hard times, it could get better soon or you could use your skills to move into a different area.

I am sorry you are feeling alone and different. Knowing lots of people also feel the same is not much help but keep going. I have found lowering expectations of everything - family, friends, job, even the weather! has helped. Don't try to get on with people so much as just try to rub along with life the best you can and take pleasure is really small things. Sorry this is a bit rubbish and cliched, perhaps look at the MH board for better advice but didn't want you to have no response. There is still a lot of life left for you at 50, it is no age these days - the govt would have you slaving for 20 years yet!

I think it might be beneficial to look into the effects of peri-menopause/menopause and how HRT might help you. New or increased anxiety, low moods, physical issues are all key symptoms of peri-menopause and there is help.

I cant read and run but you sound absolutely lovely. Please don't run yourself down. 50 is not a full stop.

Sounds like a lot if that could be attributed to menopause hormonal changes?!

It's bloody tough to be 50 IMO

Hang in there and try to count all the positives