Endless bloody quarrelling / fighting / complaining

Champooforyou · 2023-03-20T18:15:27+00:00

How do you manage it? My dc, 6 and 3, will sometimes play nicely and it's a joy. But not an hour goes by without some sort of argument that I'm required to intervene in. It can be low level stuff like "Mum he's sitting in my spot", to a full on fight that comes from nowhere then suddenly they are after whacking eachother. Obviously I do all the kind hands / we don't hit etc, but what else can I do? Some days I genuinely feel like running away as they've driven me so mad, it can be endless.

bumbledeedum · 20/03/2023 18:31

No useful advice but I'd love the answer too. Mine are only 1 & 4 and manage about 3 minutes a day unsupervised before one of them is trying to beat the other.

Hopefully this bumps it for someone more useful!

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 20/03/2023 18:40

Same, same. I have three - 5, 8 and 10. They all just bicker and quarrel and it feels completely relentless.

Winterborne74 · 20/03/2023 18:43

7&9 here and still squabbling all the bloody time! It’s relentless. No advice (other than separating them which may not always be practical) just sympathy - am in the same boat.

Meredusoleil · 20/03/2023 18:49

Sorry to have to say this, but my 2 girls are 14 and 11 now and it's still happening!

I blame the bad weather and the fact that we're not getting outside as much as a result 🤷

Meredusoleil · 20/03/2023 18:49

Sorry to have to say this, but my 2 girls are 14 and 11 now and it's still happening!

I blame the bad weather and the fact that we're not getting outside as much as a result 🤷

Inject · 20/03/2023 19:13

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Champooforyou · 20/03/2023 19:22

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LockEmUp · 20/03/2023 20:01

Separating for a while was the only thing that worked. You've got to enforce it though. Or sitting them on the floor in the living room to calm down - where they couldn't see each other and me in the middle.

Also "if you're so bored all you can do is fight, then I can find something for you to do. Sort the socks." Graduating to the rest of the laundry as they got older.

Taking them for a walk.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 20/03/2023 20:40

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3 year old can be vicious too.

ladygindiva · 20/03/2023 20:41

I have 6 yo twins and yeah, this has been my life for a good four years now.

NuffSaidSam · 20/03/2023 20:45

Don't intervene unless death or serious injury is imminent. Let them work it out between them. Negotiation and compromise are great skills!

Make sure they get time away from each other and plenty of fresh air and exercise (it's always worse when they're cooped up together ime).

Whatthetrolley · 20/03/2023 20:50

12 and 10 here and still doing it. It's probably hormones and trying to decide who will be top dog!

The best/worst arguement I remember them having when they were younger was one of them ate the others imaginary biscuits and the arguement it caused. Imagine some more was the best response I could think of before I started laughing.

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 20/03/2023 21:01

Separate rooms, strictly enforced. Mine once spent a whole day apart, eating in shifts and it cured a lot of the problems.

Once they are old enough, tell them you can't listen to complaints any more but if they write it all down you will look at it on Tuesday/Friday/the weekend. They won't, of course, and you might get some peace that way.

BeverlyHa · 20/03/2023 21:03

I think it just happens in families, no ?!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 20/03/2023 21:06

NuffSaidSam · 20/03/2023 20:45

Don't intervene unless death or serious injury is imminent. Let them work it out between them. Negotiation and compromise are great skills!

Make sure they get time away from each other and plenty of fresh air and exercise (it's always worse when they're cooped up together ime).

Er no don't do this.

Ihavekids · 20/03/2023 21:13

Empower them to sort out their own problems rather than involving you. Teach them to problem solve and be resilient. Only get involved if you absolutely have to, give them a chance to figure it out.

I'm not sure if this is a parenting style or I'm just calling it that because I'm lazy.

'It's OK not to share, and other renegade rules' is I think a really good book for this- haven't read it for a few years but believe I'm remembering correctly. Also, 'Siblings without Rivalry'.

stealthbanana · 20/03/2023 21:16

Solidarity OP

Mine are 6&4 and drive me to tears sometimes with the endless squabbling. Occasionally I do cry and then they get all remorseful and say sorry mummy and then I feel even worse. I don’t have any answers.

Lcb123 · 20/03/2023 21:18

just leave them, I think a lot is attention seeking. They need to learn to either get on or just do things separately

blackheartsgirl · 20/03/2023 21:23

My girls are 15 and 12, they are constantly at each other’s throats, they even argue with their 20 year old dsis and my ds 24 All 4 of mine drive me mad and I feel like screaming most of the bloody time!

NuffSaidSam · 21/03/2023 12:17

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 20/03/2023 21:06

Er no don't do this.

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Absolutely do this. You don't need to intervene everytime two kids squabble. Let's them work it out.

And obviously make sure they get fresh air and exercise (but I assume that wasn't the part you were objecting to).

Original poster

Champooforyou · 21/03/2023 15:40

I'm absolutely happy to let them squabble to an extent, I wouldn't have the time to sit and adjudicate all of the time, but it just escalates so bloody quickly.
The younger one will grab something, the older one will scream that he's scratched her (as she's a bit of a drama queen) and all hell breaks loose. It's always when I'm busy trying to cook or some silly bugger from work phones me with am urgent question or something, then it's like WWF in the blink of an eye.
The spring and summer are so much better as they are outside a lot more, but this endless bastard rain is against me as well.

OP posts:

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/03/2023 16:19

NuffSaidSam · 21/03/2023 12:17

Absolutely do this. You don't need to intervene everytime two kids squabble. Let's them work it out.

And obviously make sure they get fresh air and exercise (but I assume that wasn't the part you were objecting to).

Show quote history

Yes I just remember being attacked numerous times by my brother. We were both told off by our parents but no real intervention or if I told on my brother they just brushed it off.
I still can't believe they didn't intervene and it just made me think they didn't give a shiti couldn't negotiate with my brother... He just didn't like me for whatever reason.
Serious injury didn't occur but I did get hurt and it did make me miserable

So yeh, I don't think it's good to just let them fight it out. They aren't animals

NuffSaidSam · 21/03/2023 19:42

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/03/2023 16:19

Yes I just remember being attacked numerous times by my brother. We were both told off by our parents but no real intervention or if I told on my brother they just brushed it off.
I still can't believe they didn't intervene and it just made me think they didn't give a shiti couldn't negotiate with my brother... He just didn't like me for whatever reason.
Serious injury didn't occur but I did get hurt and it did make me miserable

So yeh, I don't think it's good to just let them fight it out. They aren't animals

Show quote history

One child consistently attacking another is quite different to two children squabbling because one has sat in the other ones spot and other nonsense.

I agree, if the OP feels that one of her children is consistently attacking the other then she should put steps in place to keep distance between them and seek help for the child who is constantly attacking their sibling. I think what we're talking about here though is the low level, constant sibling in-fighting that happens in almost all family homes.

I'm sorry your brother is a bully and your parents failed you.

Knockmealdowns · 22/03/2023 07:22

When they are squabbling try and name the value they need to learn, like patience, tolerance, kindness.. that’s helped me with my two..

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 22/03/2023 18:42

NuffSaidSam · 21/03/2023 19:42

One child consistently attacking another is quite different to two children squabbling because one has sat in the other ones spot and other nonsense.

I agree, if the OP feels that one of her children is consistently attacking the other then she should put steps in place to keep distance between them and seek help for the child who is constantly attacking their sibling. I think what we're talking about here though is the low level, constant sibling in-fighting that happens in almost all family homes.

I'm sorry your brother is a bully and your parents failed you.

Show quote history

Yeh but my point is that my parents saw us and thought it was the pair of us when actually it was my brother each and every time!
On fact I remember being in the bad books after I dig my nails into his arm and left my fingernail marks on his arm. My brother told on me and I was put in a different room until I apologised.
What she didn't see what him having me in a headlock and bashing me etc etc first over god knows what I'd done to displease him.

Funnily enough me and my brother are close now but not before we were 25!