Is anyone else really (over)sensitive?

[MindfulMess]

(NB this is not AIBU, please do not tell me to 'get over it', 'toughen up' etc.)

I'm really, really sensitive when it comes to social things and I don't know why. I I feel like someone has a go at me, I struggle not to cry and often get visibly shaky (hands etc).

Are you like this? Do you know why? What can I do about it?

Apropos of an incident in group chat this morning when someone took offence at a suggestion I made regarding train vs driving. I apologised (not half-heartedly or sarcastically). Got another rude reply back. This kind of thing ruins my morning and it's ridiculous. I often don't answer questions in group chat because I get too stressed at the responses (or lack thereof). Why am I like this? What can I do? Pretending it doesn't bother me simply doesn't work. I'm not at all young by the way.

Hi op, I don't have any useful insight or strategies I'm afraid, but just wanted to say that you're feelings are valid. We all see things differently and many of us are sensitive, which I think often gives empathy too. I hope someone else can offer helpful advice

Hi @MindfulMess I do not have the reactions in the same way you describe but I am very very sensitive. I think as a child my feelings were often ignored and my self esteem is quite low. As a result I am finely attuned to any criticism and I take it to heart.

I have found practising trusting myself and my view of myself as very helpful in building up some resilience - but it is very much a conscious effort and doesn’t come naturally to me. I also now make sure to distance myself from anyone who (repeatedly) puts me down - while accepting that sometimes people say things mistakenly and don’t mean to be hurtful. I think remembering also that it’s so true that people’s words and actions are 99% from their own issues/background and rarely are a genuine mark on the person they may impact. As a sensitive person myself I am quite careful about how I come across but also know I don’t always get it right so presume others can’t either. Hope you’re ok.

I am. I was chatting to a colleague this morning for a couple of minutes when our FD who was sat at the desk behind me but I didn't know calls 'marmite-sssh'. I was so embarrassed and annoyed and was shaky and wanted to cry. I pulled myself together with some camomile tea but still thinking about it now. Told DH and he said he would've brushed it off.

And WhatsApp chats I hate and rarely contribute to for fear of upsetting someone

I find it helpful to analyse whose problem it is.

Have I behaved appropriately?

No? Then there's nothing to worry about. They have made themselves look bad.

Have I jumped the gun/been snappy or inconsiderate? Apologise.

If someone doesn't like a suggestion I've made, that's ok. If they behave badly, that's ok. The only person whose behaviour I need to monitor and regulate is my own. Well, and my D.C. but they aren't at work with me!!

Ah, I’m sorry. I know how that feels. I often avoid social situations as I just can’t be doing with the politics! I always wish that people would think about the person before snapping and consider if they are generally somebody who would try and be offensive or if they were clumsy with their words. But the reality is, they were probably having their own bad day and just being a bit grumpy.

I‘m very sensitive generally and it’s hard work isn’t it? When I was about 7, I was watching a little line of ants in the playground and some of the boys started stomping all over them. I was very upset on behalf of the ants 😁 but the teacher said to me ‘You won’t get very far in life if you cry over every ant that dies!’

I’ve never forgotten that and yet, I’m still crying over these things and I’m pretty happy with where I’ve got to in life! I’ve decided that if everyone was a bit more sensitive, the world might be a happier and more gentle place to be. I hope you feel better. 💐💐💐

I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria as part of my ADHD. Might be worth a quick Google.

I use a similar technique for dealing with these sorts of situation as @picklemewalnuts and find that to be helpful (ADHD or not!).

Sorry you feel like this OP. I don't supposed this helps, but FWIW, you are likely projecting things on to other people that they don't feel at all. You say you "offended" someone with a comment about forms of travel, but you can't possibly tell from a whats app message if someone is offended unless they actually say "I'm offended by your remark". They may have disagreed with you, but that's not the same thing AT ALL. And you are allowed to hold your own views, especially if you express them reasonably ( assuming you said something like "I prefer the train for that journey" rather than "anyone who drives that journey is a stupid idiot)."

Also remember that people bash out what's apps and texts in about 15 seconds while in the queue at the supermarket checkout, sitting on the loo, waiting for the kettle to boil, etc. Generally we all give them very little thought and don't worry a lot nuance or how they come across. You are probably analysing them as if they were an A level English text full of deliberate meaning. DON'T!

I've realised a major type makes it a bit senseless!

It should say 'have I behaved INappropriately?'!

Sorry!

If you are a sensitive person I think some people take advantage of that, like the person in your WhatsApp group if it were more forthright character they were responding to I bet they would think twice about being rude, in a nutshell people like your rude friend take advantage of your more gentle nature and act all Charlie big potatoes because they know you won’t answer back. if I were you I would call them out on the group chat to their ignorant reply, they would soon think twice about doing it again but I know that might be difficult for you, I hope you have a better rest of the day OP.