I don't know where to start 😞 can you help me?

[WantToBeHappyAndHealthy]

I don't even know where to start with this post.

I had a shit childhood/young adulthood that I don't want to go into too much. Basically years of damaging events have left me with moderate depression (that flares up quite badly at times), severe anxiety and no sense of self worth.

The depression waxes and wanes, but when I get into an "episode" it can last for months and months. The anxiety is just always there, never switches off and makes my life a living hell. Over the past 10 years I have had 3 major breakdowns and even left employment due to the stress of it. Have been on antidepressants since a teen (am mid 30s now) and had some counselling sessions too.

Anyway, because of all of this I don't really take care of myself properly.
Ultimately, I just dont think I am worth worrying about and my needs don't really matter, other people should always come first .I am a mug and let people use me for things and I don't have the confidence to stand up for myself.

I have terrible red, sensitive skin, eczema prone skin that I don't moisturise or do skin care on consistently.

I don't take proper care of my teeth. I do brush them every day but it's just a quick brush in the mornings. My gums are sore and I have ulcers on my tongue.

I am so obese and can't seem to stick to eating 3 healthy meals and stop snacking for more than a few months at a time. At the time, the junk food I eat makes me feel better for a short time, then later I absolutely loath myself for binging. (Have a history of an ED)

There are loads of other things too but these 3 things are effecting me physically the most.

I feel absolutely awful every day, so out of breath, my knees hurt, my back hurts, my mouth is sore, my face is so dry. I feel emotionally miserable too, yet I keep piling on the weight and don't do anything to try and make myself feel better.

I know the obvious solution is to just start doing all the things ive mentioned, but it just all seems so insurmountable and the smallest thing even seems out of my depth. I try and justify it by telling myself I work 10 hours a day, but so do millions of other people and they manage to take care of themselves.

My house is a mess too because I can't find the energy to care about cleaning it, my dh is great at keeping on top of things like the laundry and hoovering and dishes but it's not fair for him to do it all, I know that, so please don't attack me for it.

I just feel like I am drowning and can't cope with life😞 I don't feel like a human being, I feel like a fucking fat, useless waste of space .

Please help me, I want to change and be happy but I don't know where to start.

I feel very similar. You are not alone.
Go us!
😘

Well at least you know what the problems are … that’s the best place to start.

You need to choose one thing only and work on that - what’s more important to you right now?

Can I give you a ((hug))?

I can totally relate to how you feel. For years I’ve beaten myself up for my own behaviour. However I just recently found out that I have a high possibility of having adhd or add. I’m no medical expert and I don’t claim to diagnose but have you ever looked into this condition? Sending hugs 🤗

I feel very similar, and have the exact same set of problems, with far less of a reason to, so have a hug from me.

A few thoughts

Do you think it’s worth looking at increasing your ADs? You do sound quite down. Could you also ask for a referral for CBT? I’m also wondering if you might have ADHD - it could absolutely just be depression, but it’s worth doing a bit of reading to see, and talking to your GP about an assessment if so.

Would your DH be your accountability buddy to make very small changes?

What would be the easiest thing to do first? I’m wondering if it’s moisturising your skin as that will also make you feel better, if so can you figure out how you would start that tomorrow? When would you do it? Where would you put it? How much.earlier woukd you have to get up?

A few things I’ve found helpful.

A book on how to build habits - the power of habits and atomic habits are both good. And there is lots of info online.

For weight loss - it is just harder for people who eat emotionally. I think Rangan Chatterjees book loose weight feel great is worth a read - not a diet book just a guide to healthy eating but geared to people who find it hard. Sharoo Izardis the Last Diet is again not a diet book but good at behaviour change.

It also might be worth looking at Overeaters anonymous, there are loads of meetings online. It’s not for everyone but it’s supportive and you can ignore the god bits. BEAT also run some online support groups.

I notice someone on another thread recommend How To Keep House While Drowning, so I just ordered that.

Good luck, please try to be kind to yourself, take it slowly and get as much support as you can.

10hr work days is quite alot. Anyone would find it hard to squeeze in self-care. Can you reduce your hours at all and then earmark the saved time for a bit of exercise and self-care?

You have a successful relationship op , I'm sure there's a load of positive stuff you overlook try and find the positive , and maybe just pick on thing to work on if it works to make you feel better