Hi,
For context, I'm a happily married mum of one to DS aged 1 and been with DH for 12 years.
When I was a teen before I met my DH, I was in a 2/3 year relationship with a guy when I was 17 who at the time, thought he loved me and was caring. Actually what transpired was I was with an abusive, controlling man who was four years older than me who dictated what I wore, who I spoke to and dominated my entire world. Naively being my first long term relationship, I believed his behaviour was because he 'loved me' but soon turned ugly when he would tell me that I was 'no one without him', called me all names under the sun and accused me of seeing other guys (which I never dreamt of doing). The emotional abuse ended up turning physical and without going into detail of what happened, I realised what he did to me was unacceptable and I ended things. I was too scared to take things further by reporting him to the police as I just needed to get away (the catalyst was moving away to university in a town miles away). For months afterwards, he'd message me or my family and friends either begging for more chances until his messages turned hateful when I stayed strong and said there was no way I could be with him. After blocking him on social media and getting a new number, eventually communication stopped.
It took years of therapy and being in a loving respectful relationship to fully realise what I'd gone through and be proud of myself for moving on from such a hurtful environment. I'd hear stories from others that my ex continued to date strings of young teenage girls around the same age I was which made me feel guilty as I didn't want them to go through what I did. Until recently, I had been living my life very happily until I learnt he has married a 20 year old girl local to where my family are based and as of last month had a baby girl... whom has been named with the exact same first name and middle name as me (my names aren't common). I know this seems so trivial as its just a name but I feel as though my identity has been taken and from speaking to one of his ex girlfriends after me, he is still obsessive about me after all this time. Even though I love my life, this has just brought all the bad memories flooding back and it actually makes me feel sick. It could be just an absolute freak coincidence with the baby names, but knowing how he is, I highly doubt it.
If anyone has any advice on how I can cope or been in similar positions, it would be greatly appreciated. I just feel like a switch has been flicked in me and feeling very emotional. Thank you.