Glass Child

[TwoGorgeousKids]

I had never heard this phrase before but I saw a TikTok today and it resonated so much. I googled and this is the explanation.

"What are the traits of a glass child?
They are typically emotionally neglected, experience severe pressure to be problem-free and perfect, take on parental responsibilities within the family at a young age, and have an overwhelming need to make others happy".

A glass child is usually the sibling of someone who has disabilities or learning difficulties.

I grew up the youngest of three children. One sibling had learning difficulties since birth and the other had quite severe mental health problems since teenage years.
I know how incredibly difficult this must have been for my parents but there really wasn't any room for any kind of emotional support from my parents for me. Even when I had a miscarriage.

Fast forward to now. My dad has passed away and my mum has dementia and is housebound.

I find it so difficult to go and visit my mum as we have had no kind of emotional relationship and now that she has dementia I get so overcome with anxiety whenever I go and see her. Probably because I am scared to see how much she has deteriorated.

I feel so guilty and have beat myself up today as I couldn't bring myself to go and see her today on Mother's Day but I will go and see her tomorrow but I am filled with anxiety.

It doesn't help that I have a really fraught relationship with one of my siblings who is still causing family problems.

I don't know what I want from this post but does anyone else recognise themselves as a glass child and finds it so difficult as an adult with an elderly parent now ?

Hi,

I’m so sorry you are feeling so much anxiety and guilt. But please don’t.

I am also a glass child with a mentally and physically disabled older sister. Fortunately I’d a good childhood, but always had to be the good perfect child with good grades and no teenage rebellion etc.

Around 10yrs ago now my mum had dementia and my dad and disabled sister both lived at home with her. As the ever helpful/responsible child my dad decided that I was the one who would take on the majority of my mums care (refusing all outside care package’s) despite me working full time and trying to organise my wedding. It almost broke me. The stress/grief/guilt/worry almost lead me to a nervous breakdown. None of what I was going through was acknowledged, no thanks was ever offered and it was without a doubt the worst time of my life.

My mum has now passed, my sister lives in a supported living facility (despite it being assumed she would live with me and I would take on all her care) and I have an a fairly decent relationship now with my dad.

It seems that you are in the middle of something similar to what I went through and I really feel for you. I’m now out the other side and have spent a lot of time working on myself - it has taken me many years to realise I also matter.

The best piece of advice I can give you is to put yourself first. I understand as a glass child this is absolutely alien to you. But you matter, you matter. You are not responsible for your parents, your siblings or any other adult in your life. Yes you can offer support but on your own terms. Your feelings are as important as the next persons.

I’ve spent a lifetime putting myself last and I’ve finally stopped. You need to do the same. You are a kind loving person and don’t let others make you feel anything less. You are important, you are seen and you matter.

I really hope things improve for you and you realised what an amazing human you are. xx

Thank you so so much for taking the time to reply. I needed to hear that. I need to start believing that. It's so hard tho. xxx

Hello, reading this I think I realise that it describes my mum. She is a wonderful lovely mum. What could your kids do to help you out?