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Original poster

Mothers day when you have a difficult relationship with your own mother

29 replies

Workyticket · 19/03/2023 11:53

Mine has always been quietly manipulative but I took a step back after she decided my Covid wedding hadn't been good enough for her (the straw that broke the camel's back - whole thread on here which I'll try to find)

Things are painful. I still see her once or twice a week as she has ds for us but our relationship will never be the same

I always made a fuss on mothers day (I have 2 brothers , they're both shit) and her birthday etc and the guilt I feel about not doing so is hideous

I have flowers and a card (it was very hard to choose a card, I didn't want one with 'amazing mum' on) that I need to drop round before I go out for lunch today.

The visit will be quick but painful.

Not sure why I'm writing this but solidarity to anyone else with a difficult relationship with their own mother.

OP posts:
Maedan · 19/03/2023 18:12

hotfairballoon · 19/03/2023 12:59

Hi 👋🏻 I'm having a very hard day myself. My mum (and whole family) broke contact with me nearly a year ago. I was never told the reason despite my asking and wanting to sort out. It was ultimately done in narcissistic rage in response to me setting boundaries. I remember last year was very tricky picking a card because like you all have mentioned, it's incredibly hard to find a card that doesn't say amazing mum. This year I suppose at least I don't have to worry about that. I've been crying all morning. I have children of my own but my husband isn't well so nothings been done for me. I suppose that can't be helped but means there's no distraction to take my mind off not having any family on my side. Trying not to wallow, but ultimately I am. A lot. Swollen eyes trying to build up to going downstairs and explaining away why I've clearly been crying (actually they might not notice anyway to be honest lol)
Love to all. It can be tricky. Know that I'm luckier than most btw x

I'm sorry that's shit xx💐

Hubblebubble · 19/03/2023 18:23

Completely estranged from mine. Spent a lovely day playing with my DC and visited my DGM. I don't actually find mothers day painful, I've come to terms with not having one. I love being one.

Thingamebobwotsit · 19/03/2023 18:46

It is horrid and am so sorry. Everyone has their own path to walk with this stuff but 11 years almost NC (we do Christmas and birthday exchanges for my DCs rather than me) and it does feel better. I promised myself a long time ago I wasn't going to pretend that everything was OK on Mother's Day. For a few years she would send me a card but that stopped in the pandemic.

It does get better I promise you, but boundaries are the key and (in my case) almost entirely NC.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Events & celebrations Families
Chanel05 · 19/03/2023 19:17

picklemewalnuts · 19/03/2023 11:57

Yes. I search for cards that don't have schmaltzy 'best mum in the world' verses.
It is hard. Hard for them as well, I think.

I do this too and they're surprisingly difficult to find.

I really resent buying a card, gift and sending a text because my mum never really tried to be a mum, so why should she get the glory?

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