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Original poster

Gifted house deposit - feel guilty

56 replies

lowkeywhy12 · 19/03/2023 07:35

Parents have extremely kindly offered to put towards our deposit. We are saving constantly but struggling to save as we’re renting. They have paid their mortgage off but are both retired so I was shocked when they offered help. We haven’t fully decided on a property and are still looking but it’s likely this amount will be between 5-7k.
I feel very guilty about it as the upbringing they provided must have cost enough! My parents have brushed this off when I’ve told them I think it’s too generous and have simply replied, families look after each other/you’ll help us when we’re older/you’ll do it for your kids. Has anyone got any good ideas as to how we can repay them for this?

OP posts:
Copasetic · 19/03/2023 08:09

Honestly my mum and dad did so much for me growing up. My dad had a construction business and he completely renovated our first two houses free of charge, gave us money from dividends, paid our first house deposit, paid for my wedding etc so it was the way I was brought up. They were wealthy but not rich. If I objected to anything my mum always said that dad wants to do it and he only ever did what he wanted to! Now I try to do the same as best I can with lesser means. I'd say accept the gift. I genuinely think people who give such gifts do get genuine pleasure from it. They want to see their children being happy so I'd accept the gift and their generosity.

SRS29 · 19/03/2023 08:26

OP we plan to give house deposits to both ours DD's and are paying the 4k per annum into LISA's for them (government top up another £1k). We refer to it as early inheritance so they can benefit now...do not feel guilty just be very thankful 😊

echt · 19/03/2023 08:32

Pay no attention the squinny-eyed.

Accept and regard it as paying forward if that helps, the help you give your own children, the help you give to NDNs when they need it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
GordanoBenito · 19/03/2023 08:35

AnotherDelphinium · 19/03/2023 07:43

Are you buying in a very cheap area? In the nicest way possible, £5k doesn’t go very far towards buying a house. Your solicitor fees etc are likely to be the best part of £2-3k. Plus all the moving costs, unexpected costs, mortgage arrangement fee is £1k.

It sounds like they think they’re being generous, but if you had private school etc that would have been £20k+ a year, so the deposit sounds like a drop in the ocean?

Have a read of the ‘we took you to stately homes’ thread, as maybe turning down this “offer” and moving away from them might benefit you much more in the long run!

What is wrong with you? Her parents are giving her thousands of pounds and you're suggesting it's abusive! That's insane.

OP, just accept their generous offer and make sure they know how appreciative you are.

MyriadOfTravels · 19/03/2023 08:40

Has anyone got any good ideas as to how we can repay them for this?

Find a house you really love and make it something you are proud of (im talking building here).

And stop feeling guilty. Think about it. If it was your own dcs, how would you react if they were telli g you they felt guilty about the effort you put to give them a good life? Would it sound bonkers? Because it sounds to me!
Your parents are giving you a gift. Just take it as it is. Their choice to ‘spoil you’ and make things a bit easier - and give them the pleasure to help you at the same time!

MyriadOfTravels · 19/03/2023 08:44

I worry if they gift it to me if it will affect their finances etc.

Is there really a time when your parents made crazy financial decisions?
Do you really think they would give you money you never asked for even though they can’t afford it?

Maybe instead you can trust them and their ability to chose how to spend their money.

bigbluebus · 19/03/2023 08:46

Why feel guilty? Lots of parents do this for their children if they are lucky enough to be able to afford it.
My DH's parents matched his deposit 38 years ago. We are paying money into a Help2Buy account for our DS whilst letting him live rent free at home so he can save up. We will no doubt end up helping further when he eventually moves out. There will be no expectation from us in return. We just acknowledge that things are much harder now and some of our generation have been very lucky with massive house price increases and defined benefits pensions.

Boomboom22 · 19/03/2023 08:49

I don't know why you would feel guilty, it's your parents not a stranger. Very odd attitude which is a bit of a red flag about your relationship with your parents? Also it's a very small amount of money that might pay fees, so not something to be guilty about. Most parents want to see their kids own a secure home.

drpet49 · 19/03/2023 08:49

cptartapp · 19/03/2023 07:56

You'll help them when they're older? Mmmm. Agree with the conditioning comment above.
Their money would be better saved to buy in care when they need it and leave you free of the burden.
I would suspect you're going to be so beholden for this. They're already subconsciously telling you what they expect. Have seen it happen.

I actually agree with this. Why are you feeling so guilty over £5-7k which is a very small amount in the grand scheme of house buying.

Lcb123 · 19/03/2023 08:51

We had £30k gifted and I didn’t feel guilty. I was very appreciative. My parents have had inheritance themselves. And they saw this as essentially fronting the inheritance id get anyway but avoiding the tax. It’s very common, everyone I know has had parents help or inherited for deposit.
Do consider other costs apart from deposit - solicitor, moving etc

Timeforchangeithink · 19/03/2023 08:54

How can you repay them? Be happy and live your best life that's all. For anyone else suggesting abusive/coercive you need help this is what 'normal' parents want to do for their kids!

lottielil · 19/03/2023 08:55

Genuine question but how do parents do this? I thought there were restrictions on how much can be gifted per year. Does it not apply to house deposits?

annlee3817 · 19/03/2023 08:56

My parents always say that they'd rather see the benefits of their money now than wait to leave it to us when they pass away, both my brother and I had help with gifted deposits, and we're so appreciative of it. I hope that one day we can do the same for our daughters.

DanceMonster · 19/03/2023 08:56

lottielil · 19/03/2023 08:55

Genuine question but how do parents do this? I thought there were restrictions on how much can be gifted per year. Does it not apply to house deposits?

You can gift whatever money you want to whoever you want. However if the person gifting it dies within 7 years of the gift, it may have tax implications for their estate.

Ginmonkeyagain · 19/03/2023 09:08

I would just take it in the spirit that it is intended and thank them for their genorosity.

My dad rents and is on a low income so has not been able to help me much financially as an adult, but when I was buying a flat he gave me £3k when he inherited a small sum from his father. It made him happy to think he could help me out a bit.

He was a little deflated when he realised that far from being the house deposit he had envisaged, it just about covered our coveyancing and moving costs. (We very much did not buy in a cheap area 😳) but it was very much appreciated and helped out no end.

Calmdown14 · 19/03/2023 09:08

You could look at it another way. Your parents love you and will never stop worrying about you.

This relatively small outlay from their perspective buys peace of mind. They don't have to go through the stress with you of a landlord wanting a property back and you struggling to find anywhere local, you being forced further away from them etc.

It is money they would probably give you eventually but they want to see you settled while they are here to enjoy it with you.

Once you are in, save a bit of it back and offer it to them if it makes you feel better.

Original poster
lowkeywhy12 · 19/03/2023 09:09

@Calmdown14 that perspective has really shifted the angle I see things. It’s a good way of looking at it. Thank you so much!

OP posts:
Copasetic · 19/03/2023 15:36

lottielil · 19/03/2023 08:55

Genuine question but how do parents do this? I thought there were restrictions on how much can be gifted per year. Does it not apply to house deposits?

If you die within 7 years of gifting, inheritance tax has to be paid on a sliding scale, obviously to stop people giving their property away on receiving a terminal diagnosis for example to avoid inheritance tax.

InSpainTheRain · 19/03/2023 16:23

Some of us love helping our kids! I'm sensible about it but I enjoy it - both my DCs work hard, it good to help them sometimes. If they offered it then take it and enjoy purchasing a property.

Original poster
lowkeywhy12 · 19/03/2023 20:18

True! @InSpainTheRain

OP posts:
Isahlo · 19/03/2023 20:20

lowkeywhy12 · 19/03/2023 07:45

@AnotherDelphinium we’ve saved lots it’s just to take us to a position where we can buy now. The area is one of the cheaper ones yes. Not sure what you mean about stately homes?

The stately homes thread is about toxic parents
the PP is inferring your parents are giving you a gift to look good and not help as it’s not enough for a full deposit 🥴

Original poster
lowkeywhy12 · 19/03/2023 20:25

Isahlo · 19/03/2023 20:20

The stately homes thread is about toxic parents
the PP is inferring your parents are giving you a gift to look good and not help as it’s not enough for a full deposit 🥴

Show quote history

Omg! That’s definitely not the case maybe I’ve explained the situation really badly
They are wonderful and would and have given me everything they’ve got. They only jokingly said ‘ahh lowkeywhy if you feel that bad about this then make sure I have nice biscuits in my biscuit tin when I’m old and grey… don’t be daft, we just want to see you okay’ etc!

OP posts:
moistclam · 19/03/2023 20:27

Only on mumsnet would someone suggest that a few thousand isn't much, and imply that it's abusive 😂 Honestly, give your head a wobble!

milliondollardress · 19/03/2023 20:28

Most people seem to get help from parents to buy a house these days. And usually much more than 5-7k.

milliondollardress · 19/03/2023 20:29

milliondollardress · 19/03/2023 20:28

Most people seem to get help from parents to buy a house these days. And usually much more than 5-7k.

Sorry, obviously it’s still incredibly generous of them! Was just trying to put it in perspective.