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Original poster

How to deal with neighbours parenting "advice"

26 replies

123bumblebee · 18/03/2023 19:11

I have a neighbour in the village who, every time I bump into her, gives me unsolicited shit parenting advice. It's always very pointed and I'd love to have some responses up my sleeve to say back to her. Trouble is we live in a small village and she is the village "busy body" who has her nose in everyone's business so I'd worry if I said what I really want to that she could shit-stir and make things difficult for me.

I had a lovely 12 month old who barely ever cries and has started (finally!) sleeping through the night. I've had my ups and downs (hasn't every new mum) but I've mostly just followed my gut about parenting her and DH also follows this approach.

But examples I've had:

  • I should leave her in the house to cry as she used to leave her children crying at home and go to the greenhouse for a cup of tea for a rest
  • I should drink alcohol to get the baby drunk from my breastmilk to make her sleep better
  • I should sedate the baby with medicines to get better sleep
  • I should have more babies ASAP because she had 3 in 3 years and then was done with nappies and small babies (that sound's awful to me!)
  • I should sleep train her
  • I shouldn't pick her up so much as it makes her needy
  • I shouldn't feel guilty about her going to nursery as it's payback to her for all the sleepless nights

I just hate having to smile and listen to this woman's AWFUL advice. Any tips?

OP posts:
Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 18/03/2023 19:14

Get some big obvious headphones.. When you see her just smile and walk off singing. Make it clear you aren't stopping to chat. Every time.

GreenLeopard1 · 18/03/2023 19:23

Start boring her with baby chat and ‘new’ parenting methods like gentle parenting, just keep going on and on. Stick to the most boring baby chat topics - what your child has eaten that day / exactly how much / and at what time for example ha.

Just bore her until she starts avoiding you & gives a quick wave.

Original poster
123bumblebee · 18/03/2023 19:38

She’s the same age as my own mother and the difference between their parenting styles is crazy!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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Howyiz · 18/03/2023 19:39

A simple 'i don't think so' and move on!

iwontforgetyoumyfriendwhathappened · 18/03/2023 19:43

GreenLeopard1 · 18/03/2023 19:23

Start boring her with baby chat and ‘new’ parenting methods like gentle parenting, just keep going on and on. Stick to the most boring baby chat topics - what your child has eaten that day / exactly how much / and at what time for example ha.

Just bore her until she starts avoiding you & gives a quick wave.

This is great advice! I agree, become the most dull boring mother you possibly can (around her, not all the time)
Bang on and on about breastfeeding, baby led weaning, baby wearing etc. Using these examples purely because they're topics that can easily be dragged out and over explained time and time again for as long as you need to.
When she tries to give advice reply with "yeah oh that reminds me..." then ramble on about something entirely unrelated. She'll get bored eventually!

On a side note I suspect she just misses her own baby rearing years and enjoys having an excuse to tell you how she did it. Not that she's judging you, more that she's looking for a common interest.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 18/03/2023 19:44

”I’ll bear that in mind” is always useful for busybodies. It’s superficially polite but also subtly dismissive, especially if you finish the sentence with “can’t stop, have a lovely morning/afternoon”.

FinallyHere · 18/03/2023 19:45

I would simply repeat her advice back to her. Just so you can be sure you understand what she suggests.

Say nothing about whether you plan to take her advice or not.

Just nothing.

Morechocmorechoc · 18/03/2023 19:50

Haha these are brilliant. I would have not been able to stop myself laughing at her with some of those.

FadedRed · 18/03/2023 19:55

You need this: print it out and give her a copy every time she gives you some more ‘advice’:

How to deal with neighbours parenting "advice"
NuffSaidSam · 18/03/2023 19:55

She sounds either insane or like she's having a laugh.

I'd do a big comedy laugh, slap her on the arm, say 'good one Barbara', and then walk away repeating what she's said as if it's the best joke you've ever heard 'ahh get the baby drunk on breast milk, brilliant!'.

LookItsMeAgain · 18/03/2023 19:57

"Oh, that's a good one. I've not heard that before. I wonder why my midwife didn't suggest it to me" then walk off laughing your head off!

iwontforgetyoumyfriendwhathappened · 18/03/2023 20:04

NuffSaidSam · 18/03/2023 19:55

She sounds either insane or like she's having a laugh.

I'd do a big comedy laugh, slap her on the arm, say 'good one Barbara', and then walk away repeating what she's said as if it's the best joke you've ever heard 'ahh get the baby drunk on breast milk, brilliant!'.

I feel like this would be even better if OP uses the name "Barbara" for it regardless of what the actual person's name is! Would leave her wondering who on Earth Barbara is 😄
Could keep it going for yeeears sending Christmas cards to Barbara and everything!

Original poster
123bumblebee · 18/03/2023 20:15

@NuffSaidSam She is being totally sincere when she gives it. Always with pointed/barbed comments too about what she has seen with how I raise my little one. I'm no saint. But I don't believe in leaving a baby to cry or that I am spoiling my baby by picking her up and making her feel safe. I'd love to know what her (adult) children think about their childhood.

OP posts:
ScratchedSkirtings · 18/03/2023 20:24

feign shock and compassion at how hard she had it? “Oh gosh, Barbara, and of course you would know- you really went through it with three under three, didn’t you? Having to hide in the greenhouse from them! I think of you if I’m having a bad day and thank my stars, poor you!” Kind of thing??

Fairyliz · 18/03/2023 20:40

Just don’t stop and talk to her. When you see her give her a big smile, a cheery hello but keep on walking.
If she starts talking just say, sorry I’m in a rush can’t stop.

Flossiemoss · 18/03/2023 20:48

How small is your village that neighbours have an in depth knowledge of your parenting?

move?

failing that- “oh thats nice sorry I can’t stop “ and move on / change subject.

Pootleplum · 18/03/2023 20:59

I had this OP, my best response was to glaze over and say - "you don't need to worry about that". Or "there's nothing for you to worry about there"
And repeat. It did work eventually....

GymNewbie · 18/03/2023 21:02

Just say. Well we tried neat whisky and it didn't get her drunk so I doubt me getting slashed and her having breast milk will get her shit faced either.

Sleep train her.. Well you sound like you know exactly how it all works. What time shall i drop her round?

notthisagainforest · 18/03/2023 21:05

123bumblebee · 18/03/2023 19:11

I have a neighbour in the village who, every time I bump into her, gives me unsolicited shit parenting advice. It's always very pointed and I'd love to have some responses up my sleeve to say back to her. Trouble is we live in a small village and she is the village "busy body" who has her nose in everyone's business so I'd worry if I said what I really want to that she could shit-stir and make things difficult for me.

I had a lovely 12 month old who barely ever cries and has started (finally!) sleeping through the night. I've had my ups and downs (hasn't every new mum) but I've mostly just followed my gut about parenting her and DH also follows this approach.

But examples I've had:

  • I should leave her in the house to cry as she used to leave her children crying at home and go to the greenhouse for a cup of tea for a rest
  • I should drink alcohol to get the baby drunk from my breastmilk to make her sleep better
  • I should sedate the baby with medicines to get better sleep
  • I should have more babies ASAP because she had 3 in 3 years and then was done with nappies and small babies (that sound's awful to me!)
  • I should sleep train her
  • I shouldn't pick her up so much as it makes her needy
  • I shouldn't feel guilty about her going to nursery as it's payback to her for all the sleepless nights

I just hate having to smile and listen to this woman's AWFUL advice. Any tips?

Just laugh at her and wish her a lovely day.

Scalessayeek · 18/03/2023 21:16

As I said to my mother in law last month, “well that may have worked for you, but that’s not how I want to raise my child.”

Walkingintothedark · 18/03/2023 21:18

Simply...."I love my child to much to do that...Nice to see you again, have a nice afternoon " and walk away.

Galatine · 18/03/2023 21:20

123bumblebee · 18/03/2023 19:11

I have a neighbour in the village who, every time I bump into her, gives me unsolicited shit parenting advice. It's always very pointed and I'd love to have some responses up my sleeve to say back to her. Trouble is we live in a small village and she is the village "busy body" who has her nose in everyone's business so I'd worry if I said what I really want to that she could shit-stir and make things difficult for me.

I had a lovely 12 month old who barely ever cries and has started (finally!) sleeping through the night. I've had my ups and downs (hasn't every new mum) but I've mostly just followed my gut about parenting her and DH also follows this approach.

But examples I've had:

  • I should leave her in the house to cry as she used to leave her children crying at home and go to the greenhouse for a cup of tea for a rest
  • I should drink alcohol to get the baby drunk from my breastmilk to make her sleep better
  • I should sedate the baby with medicines to get better sleep
  • I should have more babies ASAP because she had 3 in 3 years and then was done with nappies and small babies (that sound's awful to me!)
  • I should sleep train her
  • I shouldn't pick her up so much as it makes her needy
  • I shouldn't feel guilty about her going to nursery as it's payback to her for all the sleepless nights

I just hate having to smile and listen to this woman's AWFUL advice. Any tips?

She's a fruit loop, I'd have no trouble ignoring her, particularly the alcohol and sedation!

Icecreamlover63 · 18/03/2023 21:22

Fairyliz · 18/03/2023 20:40

Just don’t stop and talk to her. When you see her give her a big smile, a cheery hello but keep on walking.
If she starts talking just say, sorry I’m in a rush can’t stop.

I completely agree with this.
Walk faster!!!
xx

Imnotachap · 18/03/2023 21:23

This woman is observing you and criticising you. She's not trying to be pleasant and friendly. You do not have to interact with people who are horrible to you.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 18/03/2023 21:38

Is she over 100 years old? I don't think my Mum did any of those things and she's in her 80s.

You could try tilting your head to one side and being even more patronising than she is "Oh dear, it sounds like you didn't enjoy being a Mum, what a shame for you and your children".