Parenting your youngest Vs parenting your oldest

[JauntyJollyfish]

My DS is nearly 3, and I have a DD who is 3 1/2 years older. I was looking through old photos of my DD last night, and came across some photos from a holiday when she was exactly the age my DS is now. It absolutely blew my mind that she was the same age, from my memories she was much older than he is now on that holiday. I thought of her as so grown up then compared to the tiny little baby she'd been, whereas I still think of him being a very baby-ish. I think partly it's an oldest Vs youngest thing, and partly because she talked very early and at this point her talking was very grown up for her age, whereas his language is OK but he still talks very much like a toddler.

I feel a bit guilty looking back, I think my expectations about her were probably too high as she seemed so grown up. Or maybe I baby him too much. Anyone else feel like this? It's making me think a lot about my parenting, and how much it is influenced by my perceptions at different points in time.

Yes I know exactly what you mean, I realised I was doing it too. I have a 2 year gap between mine. It continued aswell, my DC are 16 and 14 now and it still happens, so even now I look back and see e.g. a photo of my eldest at 10 or 11 and think 'gosh X was still really young at that point' and I feel a bit bad about how I treated my eldest as though she was older than she really was. My youngest still seems so young to me.

For too many years, in my head, a child older than dc#1 was old enough to behave and understand everything. And a child younger was too young to know any better and should be indulged.

When dc#1 started school she was so big and grown up. When dc#3 got to year 1 the year Rs were such tiny little babies. Now dc#3 is year 11 I can't get over how small the year 7s are.

Glad I'm not the only one!

The school thing is also blowing my mind! My DD is an autumn birthday so was nearly 5 when she started, and was so ready. My DS is a spring baby, and so will turn 4 a few months before he starts. He seems so little now, I can't get my head around sending my baby to school in 18 months.

I have an 8 year age gap and remember laughing at myself once for praising baby for burping and 5 minutes later telling the 8 year old off for burping 🤣

My eldest was hitting her milestones early, learnt to read and write her name early, but had a temper on her and the biggest toddler tantrums ever (now 23) my youngest (almost 3) is speech delayed has yet to say a sentence ect but is very chilled out.

I think I go the other way, I have a ds 5 and a dd 3, and I have to stop myself having the same expectations for dd that I do for ds. Dd is bright as a button and I do frequently treat her the same as her big brother, and then remember that dd isn't quite there yet when she doesn't quite manage what I'm expecting.

100% agree OP. My second child has asd and I don't think I enjoyed his older sister as much as I should when she was three and four as his behaviour as a toddler was so difficult I was frazzled. However I now have a three year old and I swear I am loving and appreciating every moment of her pre school years as I have the time to spend with her. She is still the baby and I do feel guilty when I think her sister was the "big sister " at that age.