Is this possibly (adult) ADHD? Diagnosis help?

[RoundLikeaCircle]

My DH wants to try and get assessed for ADHD and doesn’t know where to start.
He’s had problems his whole life, especially with remembering plans and appointments, even with the school run, he will probably forget at least once a week to leave to collect the kids. He WFH running his own self employed design business with very low stress and organisational skills are still quite poor, he’s terrible with tracking his accounts and so once a year he has a HUGE panic and weeks of stress trying to collate the information and details for his accountant (when the reality is, it’s literally a list of invoices and some very minor expenses and that’s it, which would take the average person a couple of hours to do).

His general organisational skills are quite poor and his approach to most practical tasks (say tidying up, gardening etc) are really haphazard and seem to lack common sense and he starts a ton of tasks but finishes none of them. It’s quite infuriating at times. He is also clumsy and breaks things often (cups, plates etc) and continually loses his keys, glasses, devices most days, sometimes multiple times per day. He forgets to charge his phone, forgets to take drinks on long walks with kids. His home office is an absolute tip, with piles and piles of books, paperwork, small tins and pots full of endless bits and pieces and clutter everywhere. I’ve had to move my own home office space to another part of the house as I can’t cope being in this mess all day.

I know none of this stuff is ‘learned incompetence’ to avoid having to do anything as he genuinely feels worthless when he forgets things that affect me or the kids and he also tries to make up for this stuff by doing all the cooking, washing up, gardening etc (although that comes with it’s own sense of chaos, which I find stressful).

Also, when he works (in a job he loves), he can focus like mad, forget to eat lunch, and just apply himself for hours on end. But if he needs to do something like tidy his office, it’s almost an impossible quest, taking days, with endless detours / distractions (and ultimately excuses).

Anyway.. I’m blathering on! We need help and to get him diagnosed, can anyone give some advice on where to start? We can go private and imagine that might be quicker. Any pointers much appreciated ☺️

There is quite a good ADHD questionnaire online. I'll have a look and link it. Maybe he could complete and take to his GP. Before Covid, ADHD assessment was something GPs could arrange a referral for, for adults, maybe because it's often treated with medication.

From what I know you're very likely going to need to go private if you want a diagnosis and to begin medication (if that's his selected pathway) within the next couple of years. Waiting times are an age on the NHS.

Sounds very like ADHD with maybe a sprinkling of dyspraxia (there often tends to be an overlap)
But yes the free online assessment questionnaire is a good place to start.

psychology-tools.com/test/adult-adhd-self-report-scale

This is the one I was thinking of ..

Yes it sounds like an assessment would be a good idea. If you Google Uk adhd charities there is lots of links and information there.
Medicatuon can help. But it’s not the whole solution.
Outsourcing difficult tasks when possible and routines can also be useful. Sticking to the routines is another matter!
some people find working with an adhd coach really helpful or specific executive functioning coaching (basically means organisation) very helpful. EG there is a company called Connections in Mind that we were recommended by School. They work with adults too.
inwas diagnosed with adhd in my 40s. It’s never too late !

Ask GP for referral. You will then need to fill out a form. My best friend just got her 19 year old son diagnosed. Took nearly a year.

It takes ages via GP. We gave up and went privately. It cost about £650. Your DH sounds very like my adult DD, and she's so much better since getting a diagnosis and medication.

Waiting for assessment for DS (20)- almost 2 years and still waiting.
Have a look at
www.additudemag.com/
There are so many brilliant articles.

My adult daughter used adhd-360.com
and was very satisfied with the service she got and the diagnosis. They weren’t pushy but have left her to digest their findings and decide what route she wants to take

Wow, thank you so much all of you lovely people, there are some great pointers here.

I didn’t even think about ADHD charities and approx £650 for a private route actually sounds fairly doable - I was expecting it to be much higher.

It’s been extremely tiring for me as his partner, I feel very overwhelmed these days with having to carry the entire mental load and day to day I feel like his PA. He doesn’t expect it, but without my support he just continually forgets everything important. It’s draining.

£650 is very much the cheaper end of a private assessment. I have been searching for one and finally settled in Berkeley psychiatry and the fee is £825, still cheaper then many but more realistic than £650.

Also there will be follow up appointments and prescriptions to consider from going private, so the assessment cost isn't the final cost.

We used the same people. Wasn't sure if we were allowed to link. It'll be about £800 by the time she has her follow up appt and then a bit more to hand her care to her NHS GP, but the original appointment was about 650 - maybe a little more. Sorry I wasn't clearer

Even if you go private, tell GP, so the nhs process is started. It's important it's on his nhs record. Hire a private person who does nhs aswell. And if you do get a private diagnosis, when you've finished with the private part, it'll all be on his nhs record, or rather quicker recognised. It's the clever way to play the system.

Where I live (Hertfordshire) it's an 8 year waiting list for NHS ADHD assessments for adults (around 2 years for children). I recommend going private but keep his GP informed.

Be prepared to get and stay involved. My DH struggled to get the process moving or maintain the momentum because of the adhd. Became quite a joke and we laugh about it now.
Once I understood that he wouldn't be able to do it alone it all moved much quicker. Also went with him for some of his sessions as he couldn't always see the areas he was struggling and it meant there was no option to minimize the impact on his life, which he was used to doing.

Sounds like dyspraxia, would help explain coordination and clumsiness problems... could be alongside ADHD.

Some great resources here for adult ADHD, coping techniques at work flown.com/adhd-in-the-workplace

I was diagnosed two years ago and it was about £600, inc the titeration process. My GP took over prescribing at the start of titration.

Psychiatry UK, Oaktree (Birmingham), Axia (Chester), Mindfullness Health Solutions (Nottingham) are assessment providers I can recommend. Many do f2f, as well as online assessments.

They are not taking on any private patients for ADHD assessment just now

Sorry that was as clear as mud. Psychiatry uk was who I am talking about

Yes, consider private pathways and then medication if diagnosed. He probably does have ADHD from your description.

Psychiatry UK can take a GP referral. It'll still take about 6 months but I have been referred to them by my GP.

Yes, it's private patients they are not taking.

Thanks for the additional info folks, really helpful.

Whoever talked about their DH needing support to go through the process due to minimising the effect this has in his (and mine/kids) lives is absolutely SPOT ON! He continually minimises it, is always saying things like ‘I’m just a bit forgetful’ and ‘if I have got ADHD, then it must be very mild’ - then in the next breathe he’s telling me how overwhelmed he is with all the things that need doing, when he has one of the most un-stressful, low maintenance jobs and WFH (with no colleagues and just a few clients to manage a few emails with). It’s like he has no concept at all of what many people (myself included) have to do at work each day at all.

I went through Andy Montgomery at psychiatry uk and it was £350. Was referred by my gp. If you go via nhs right to choose you can get private diagnosis on the nhs but I didn’t do that. Finding out at 38 I had adhd was game changing. I now am also fairly sure I’m autistic (kiddo got it from somewhere) but I’m not sure I can face another diagnosis.

Where we are there needs to be evidence of adhd type behaviour in childhood.
We had a long (and enlightening) chat with DH's parents, and also found some report cards from his primary years which was enough. Good to be prepared.
Also DH struggles with both anxiety and depression. Psych thinks this is likely as a result of living with undiagnosed adhd. However this meant that first those two things needed to be dealt with. Meds to get him on an even keel and then the adhd meds and counseling for the adhd itself.
It's a bit of vicious circle in that if any one of those three get triggered the other two start winding up also. It really can be quite full on managing it all first and it can be exhausting and draining for the partner so try to set up some support for yourself as you go through the process.