So tired of it all

[Bagpuss2022]

I’m so tired, tired of living not even living it’s existing but I can’t do what I want that’s take my own life (for selfish reasons)as then I’m putting that trauma onto my kids and husband so I’m stuck in some kind of limbo in the middle with no life not wanting life, having the odd day once a month of happiness, not leaving the house for weeks at a time through fear and anxiety.
Sleep what’s that another 24+ hours no sleep average less than 3 hours a night and 3 nights in the last week less than zero, nightmares when I get the brief respite of a few hours to the fact I wet the bed like a baby, I put on a front and then also crave the certainty of things, I can’t explain all this in person to my MH team as my protection goes up. I have tired and tried I really have
What’s ridiculous is I know I have so much to be grateful for I just think I’m too damaged now. 11 years of my childhood destroyed by that evil man then to top it off the court case last year I’m tired of fighting.

So sorry you feel like this , have you always felt this way? If not think back to those happy times and remember this will pass. Give your children a hug squeeze them extra tight hold on to the hug for a few extra seconds. You are worth more. You have overcome so much.

Not like this no had many years of happy family life it’s been mainly like this since I took my childhood perpetrator to court,
Thanks for the message of support really appreciate it, I will try and get those hugs it’s harder now mainly adult/young teens, I do appreciate how lucky I am I feel selfish for feeling the way I do.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster than they can afford to spare.

It's not selfish you have fought another battle, and now need the time to recover, which you will! This will pass.
Take time for yourself.