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Original poster

Is it normal to worry once they " travel" alone and do you get used to it?

22 replies

LockEmUp · 17/03/2023 17:09

DD, just turned 11. Gets picked up and taken to activity twice a week by other parents. There's an older girl (13) in our block who also goes so they walk to the bus stop together and wait for the parent to drive along and pick them up.

13 year old is off injured at the moment and DD has just left to go and wait by herself. I know she doesn't want me to wait with her, and she does have to start going places alone but. I. Am. Not. Used. To. This!

I suggested she take her phone, but she didn't see the need. I know, realistically the parent would notice if she wasn't at the bus stop for any reason and I presume would call me. I'll be on edge for the next 2.5 hours until she's dropped back home and know where she is. (I mean, I know where she is now - where she should be and I have no reason to think she isn't there, so why is there a little doubt at the back of my mind?)

OP posts:
FatCatt · 17/03/2023 17:14

I would’ve made her take a phone with ‘find my friend’ turned on. It wouldn’t be optional.

moomoogalicious · 17/03/2023 17:19

What @FatCatt said.

But yes you do get used to it. Mine are older teens so out all the time.

Quartz2208 · 17/03/2023 17:22

Mine has her phone with Life360 ( she likes it as likes tracking me and I think that is fair).

you do this on your own you take a phone

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Zola1 · 17/03/2023 17:24

Yes, another one where phone isn't optional. You're big enough to go out by yourself then you're big enough to take your phone and answer it, or you don't go next time.

It does get easier though!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 17/03/2023 17:25

I would have made her take her phone but it is normal to feel like this. We live in London and the first time my teens went to Oxford St with friends I was overthinking it. They started take the bus home from school in Yr5 so we made sure they had their phones with them.
It will be fine (not that I stood looking out of the window the first time the DC walked to the local shops by themselves 😂)

Original poster
LockEmUp · 17/03/2023 17:28

Oh well now I feel like a crap mum!

Her phone does has find my friend turned on. It's just next to me 😂

Shes quite protective of her phone- doesn't talk about having one and only has one classmate's number. Doesn't want to give it out to any one else.

OP posts:
Original poster
LockEmUp · 17/03/2023 17:29

she left the house 7 minutes before she was due to be picked up. And I'd had a conversation with the other parents as we had to rearrange who was taking them due to the other girl's injury. So they knew they had to pick her up.

OP posts:
waterrat · 17/03/2023 17:31

Lets remember we all grew up without phones. Good for her if she is content to do something totally safe like this without the phone.

Dacadactyl · 17/03/2023 17:32

It's normal to an extent but i dont track my kids using their phone, so i wouldnt know where they were ordinarily or anything.

How does she get to and from school? From 11 DD woukd walk 15 mins to bus stop, then get 2 public buses (changing in the centre of town at a busy travel interchange) Initially, for the first term i would ask her to text me when she arrived at school, but after rhis point, i just assumed she woukd contact me if she needed me and stopped worrying.

It will pass.

Dacadactyl · 17/03/2023 17:33

Just to add, i took DDs phone off her for a fortnight at about 13 for rudeness. She had to travel to and from school without a phone for these 2 weeks.

FatCatt · 17/03/2023 17:37

That’s fair enough @waterrat but I’m 24 and personally didn’t grow up without a phone. I got my first phone at 6 and was expected to take it with me if I went to play in the street for example.

Okunevo · 17/03/2023 17:38

As long as you can rely on the parent to contact you if she isn't there then I don't think a phone is necessary. If she was walking/cycling/taking the bus then I'd expect her to take her phone.

MargaretThursday · 17/03/2023 17:39

I'd have told her to take her phone and asked her to text once she was in the car.

flutterbyebaby · 17/03/2023 17:47

waterrat · 17/03/2023 17:31

Lets remember we all grew up without phones. Good for her if she is content to do something totally safe like this without the phone.

Can we stop harking back to the good old days, they weren't always that bloody good

Original poster
LockEmUp · 17/03/2023 17:52

Yes, @Okunevo , I would have insisted if she'd taken the bus alone. She's not done that yet though.
@FatCatt i wasn't allowed anywhere without my parents until I was 18. I wasn't allowed to "play out" or get the bus anywhere.
@Dacadactyl she walks and has done for years. We live next door to school. In the summer she often crawls under the fence direct to our door rather than walk the length of the school building to the pavement, 10m along it and then back again to our door Blush

OP posts:
greenacrylicpaint · 17/03/2023 17:55

yes, you get used to it. but it's totally normal to worry.

we have a few ground rules for dc, which for now work well.

and once you have got used to it they ask to hang out with friends... and then they go to parties... and then all nighters... Grin

PuttingDownRoots · 17/03/2023 17:57

The first time mine did a 10min walk to her club alone I may have followed behind... 😳.

Now, a year later I'm considering her walking home alone aswell this summer (at 8pm). She obviously goes to school alone as she's in Yr7.

Okunevo · 17/03/2023 18:23

It's not the travel I think is the problem, it's not knowing if they make it to their destination until hours later when they get home. If you will be alerted by someone if they don't arrive then a phone is not essential but otherwise it's very useful.

DS needed a phone when he left the house after me in upper primary as I would not have known if he went missing until after school. At secondary, and now college, parents are contacted at 9:30 if the child isn't there and you haven't phoned in so it's much less of a worry!

SmileyClare · 17/03/2023 18:33

I think it’s normal to worry a bit but you’re allowing her some independence in a safe way here- a short walk to be picked up by a parent you know/ have contact with.

it sounds as though your parents were far too overprotective which isn’t actually helpful to a child’s resilience. I can see why you might find it difficult to judge in light of this.

Mine are older teens and I have the added layer of worry when they get into their friend’s cars 😩

You have to let them out of your sight but there’s always that Mum Worry. That’s normal but Its definitely given me a few grey hairs!

NoKnit · 17/03/2023 19:36

A bit meh about this since my 6 year old walks to school by himself. It's totally normal here. I worried a lot more about his brother when he was that age (now 9). But I know it is good for him

Okunevo · 17/03/2023 20:23

NoKnit · 17/03/2023 19:36

A bit meh about this since my 6 year old walks to school by himself. It's totally normal here. I worried a lot more about his brother when he was that age (now 9). But I know it is good for him

Do you get a call if he doesn't turn up?

NoKnit · 21/03/2023 22:14

Okunevo · 17/03/2023 20:23

Do you get a call if he doesn't turn up?

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Yes if he hasn't turned up they call. Well it hasn't happened so far thank goodness If they don't get a reply or reach parents the school are compelled to call the police.

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