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Original poster

Learning to drive when you're scared of driving

39 replies

Natsku · 17/03/2023 09:48

Had anyone does this and managed to get over their fear of driving? Did you need to do more lessons than expected? And do you drive regularly now without fear or only drive when absolutely necessary?

I tried a few lessons when I was 18 and it scared me so much I stopped and now its nearly 20 years later and I've decided I really need to learn now as circumstances are changing and I will need to be driving at least weekly in the near future but possibly more. I've signed up for lessons and I've started going through the theory stuff but worried about wasting money if I'm likely to give up (the way it works where I am is you buy a course rather than individual lessons so its over 1000 euros I'll be wasting if I give up)

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 17/03/2023 09:52

I learned age 39 a few years ago. I found it a pretty scary and intense experience, and didn't really like my instructor, which didn't help. I had twice weekly lessons for 4 months, and passed my test first time

I am still slightly nervous, especially when I drive somewhere new, but I can do it, and it's a great skill to have. The freedom it gives you is absolutely worth the initial fear and stress. Good luck!

Original poster
Natsku · 17/03/2023 12:14

That's quite a lot of lessons, my package only allows for 10 hours of lessons plus 4 hours of risk lessons, eek I'm going to end up paying much more.
Well done though, the freedom must be worth the stress I suppose?
I hope I get a decent instructor, I had to ask for one that speaks English which means I might be limited in my options. I didn't feel comfortable with the instructor I had at 18 which didn't help either.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 17/03/2023 13:13

The biggest thing that helped me is don't just drive round aimlessly, have a destination and drive from A to B. Plan the route just as you would if you were driving after your test. You focus much more on driving.
(I can't drive at all now as I'm too disabled.)

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IamSmarticus · 17/03/2023 13:18

I seriously doubt that 14 hours of lessons will be enough for you to pass your test. How much are lessons where you are? €1,000 for 14 hrs works out at just over €70 per hour, which seems expensive to me!

DibbleDooDah · 17/03/2023 13:24

Learn in an automatic instead of manual - game changer for me.

Original poster
Natsku · 17/03/2023 13:53

IamSmarticus · 17/03/2023 13:18

I seriously doubt that 14 hours of lessons will be enough for you to pass your test. How much are lessons where you are? €1,000 for 14 hrs works out at just over €70 per hour, which seems expensive to me!

Lessons are really expensive here, extra lessons after the package are 76e each! Though that package price also covers the theory lessons, study material and one test attempt.
But my OH has said once I've had some lessons he'll teach me as well to get some extra driving time.

OP posts:
DuesToTheDirt · 17/03/2023 13:54

14 hours of lessons is really not enough, if your driving test is anything like the UK.

Original poster
Natsku · 17/03/2023 13:54

DibbleDooDah · 17/03/2023 13:24

Learn in an automatic instead of manual - game changer for me.

I'd prefer that but our family car is a manual so it makes more sense to learn manual.

OP posts:
headingtosun · 17/03/2023 14:00

Where do live OP?
It is much easier to pass your test in some countries rather than others.
I've sat three different driving tests and the UK's was the hardest by so many miles it was ridiculous. ( Thankfully that was the first one I did)

Lemevoir · 17/03/2023 14:06

Had anyone does this and managed to get over their fear of driving? Did you need to do more lessons than expected? And do you drive regularly now without fear or only drive when absolutely necessary?

I've also got a deep-seated fear of driving. No idea where it came from, but I was scared of driving before I'd even had a single lesson (in other words, it didn't stem from a driving-related accident).

I had lessons in my early 20s (20-odd years ago now) and passed second time. I don't think I had significantly more lessons than is usual. I promptly didn't drive for years. Had refresher lessons a few years later, but that still didn't translate into me driving regularly.

The thing that changed things was a change in personal circumstances and I had to drive. There's a route I need to do quite regularly and it is impossible by public transport (bus, two trains, 30 min walk between train station and destination). Takes about 40 minutes by car.

I'll never love driving, but I'll do that route because I have to. I'll also drive locally to get to the big supermarket etc.

Good luck with your lessons!

Original poster
Natsku · 17/03/2023 14:07

Finland, don't know how hard the test is here but OH has been telling me the normal areas you have to drive in town when doing the test (small town so not much room for variety)

OP posts:
remo · 17/03/2023 14:10

A colleague of mine was very nervous. She did an advanced defensive driving course after passing the test and said this helped quite a bit.

Original poster
Natsku · 17/03/2023 14:11

The thing that changed things was a change in personal circumstances and I had to drive. There's a route I need to do quite regularly and it is impossible by public transport (bus, two trains, 30 min walk between train station and destination). Takes about 40 minutes by car.

If I didn't need to drive I'd definitely not learn but OH is likely going to be switching to shift work so I'll need to be able to get the children around when needed and I'm going back to school in the autumn and if I need to take DS to nursery myself I'd never have the time to do it walking and get to school on time. And it would be so nice to be able to do the food shopping without having to rely on when OH is able to drive me, or to be able to go to Lidl when I want to (in another town)

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 17/03/2023 14:15

Keep pushing and ask to pay for an individual trial lesson before you commit to a package. Do this at multiple driving schools. The instructor makes a massive difference. It's a mistake to stick with the first one you try IME.

Eyesopenwideawake · 17/03/2023 14:18

Remember that you're a completely different person now. At 18 you had little experience of, well, anything. Now you have masses of knowledge, wisdom and life experience. Don't regress to late childhood when you step into the car - that's not you anymore. You're an adult and perfectly capable of learning new skills and enjoying them.

Original poster
Natsku · 17/03/2023 14:35

BertieBotts · 17/03/2023 14:15

Keep pushing and ask to pay for an individual trial lesson before you commit to a package. Do this at multiple driving schools. The instructor makes a massive difference. It's a mistake to stick with the first one you try IME.

I live in a small town, there's only one driving school and there's no trial lessons, you don't start with practical lessons here, first you have to do four theory lessons and 20-30 hours of self-study (logged in online with tests for each level so the instructor can see that you pass and what areas you're weaker on before you even get in a car). I think its so that less lesson time is spent explaining things because we're supposed to already know how it works in theory so can just spend the time practicing (I remember my first lesson in the UK the instructor spent so much time just explaining adjusting the seat and mirrors, probably only got 20 minutes actual driving time)

OP posts:
Original poster
Natsku · 17/03/2023 14:36

Eyesopenwideawake · 17/03/2023 14:18

Remember that you're a completely different person now. At 18 you had little experience of, well, anything. Now you have masses of knowledge, wisdom and life experience. Don't regress to late childhood when you step into the car - that's not you anymore. You're an adult and perfectly capable of learning new skills and enjoying them.

That is true, I'm not who I was back then.

OP posts:
TaraRhu · 17/03/2023 14:46

I got anti anxiety meds. Sounds extreme but it's totally worked. I failed my test several times when I was a teenager. Eventually passed but didn't drive for 20 years. Started a year ago at 39. I just need to now with 2 kids and living further away from transport. I had 6 lessons and just started after that. I'm not great but I can get to the loc places I need to fairly confidently.

headingtosun · 17/03/2023 15:28

Okay, I googled for interest and discovered the Finnish driving test is particularly complicated.

This is thought to be one reason Finnish drivers as so good.

So maybe pace yourself and be prepared for the long haul.

I used to shake when I drove at first but over the years have got used to it because I needed to. I am a competent driver. Nerves and competence aren't linked.

Original poster
Natsku · 17/03/2023 16:31

Ah right, would make sense it's complicated, have to make sure drivers are prepared for difficult conditions here with snow and ice and random elk running in front of cars. Well if it takes longer it takes longer, just will be harder to make time for lessons once school starts.

OP posts:
Daisychainsandglitter · 17/03/2023 21:11

I passed in 2022 aged 38. However i would say that I had hundreds of lessons over a period of 2 years and it cost me thousands of pounds.
I used to panic at everything. I now drive an automatic and it has taken an awful lot of stress out of driving for me. If I'd had my time again I would have just learnt in an automatic. I still don't like driving particularly but I'm not scared like I used to be. Good luck!

blebbleb · 17/03/2023 21:21

I passed my test on my third attempt at 36, almost 2 years ago. I probably spent about 2k on lessons and tests. It was a hard slog and lots of cancellations due to the pandemic but I'm glad I persevered. I didn't find it easy, but I never expected it to be. I'm a pretty confident driver now.

blebbleb · 17/03/2023 21:22

I learned in manual too. It's harder but gives you more choice of car you can drive.

WhoWants2Know · 17/03/2023 22:27

I was frightened of driving when I learned. I had some hypnotherapy sessions, which helped. I also found that a using a sat nav was a lifesaver when I wasn't sure about the area.

AluckyEllie · 17/03/2023 22:36

I hate hate hated driving at first. I passed but wasn’t at all confident. People told me ‘you just have to get out there’ and tbh they were right. I got a car with inbuilt sat nav and that helps quite a lot as I know when turnings etc are coming up. Go out Sunday mornings and do the same route over and over (my parents are a 40 min drive and I see them weekly) which made me much more comfortable in the actual car. Go to an empty car park and get to know your car, the biting point, turning circle etc.

It will get better. I now will drive anywhere although I do avoid particularly stressful situations (busy one way streets with parellel parking on a match day for example!) but that is choice rather than necessity. Learn small things like where all the different lights etc are so when you need them you’ll know. Also, ignore any posters that say if you aren’t 100% confident you shouldn’t be on the road- everyone learnt sometime and being safe isn’t the same as confident.