2 3/4 yr old awake for hours in the night.

[EJ85]

Hi All, would really appreciate some advice. My son is 2 yrs 9 months and has never been a great sleeper. However, it’s become unsustainable recently. He’s frequently waking for hours in the night, screaming to come into our bed but when he does, he just messes around.
last night he was in with me for 2 hrs, then woke half hourly when back in his own bed. He eventually settled at 1.30am-6am, then slept again until 7.30am.

I’ve recently cut his naps to 1 hr 20 mins but wonder if they need to be cut more. I’m reluctant to drop completely as he’s always slept better overnight after having a decent night. Really at a loss at the mo, we have another baby arriving in six weeks 🤪
Thanks in advance x

Does he have a night light so he can see when he wakes up? (but obviously still dark enough to help him sleep)
I say this because all three of my DC went through phases of waking up at night at around the same age; I left some books and toys at the bottom of their beds which was enough to keep them quiet and amused without needing me to go and get them up.

My dd is the same. she’s a couple of months younger.

We’ve co slept since birth so it’s not about coming in our room - she wants to do downstairs.

I find when she does it it’s linked to something developmental. Her sleep has been awful the last week so so but she’s started using the word ‘too’.

”I’m too hot”, “You are hot too”, “Its too heavy”.

I think her brain just goes on over drive when she’s figuring out something new.

The nap needs to go - he's genuinely not tired enough to make it through the night. The transition week / fortnight will be shit but it's worth it.
Also - strict boundaries. He gets put back in bed 'it's time to sleep, night night love you' walk away - consistently. Make night time wakes so boring

Is he in a cot or bed?

I'd implement the following -
Bedtime routine every night
'Nice' things in his room - the older my eldest got she 'needed' novelty things like - a pillow from mummys bed, a teddy daddy had cuddled his love into, a night light, a sleep spray - all a bit faffy but she liked the routine and the fuss
Snack before bed - banana or porridge or buttered toast or crumpet
Every time he wakes you need to leave him for a set amount of time - let him figure out that it's bedtime not playtime
After the set amount of time (5-10-15-20 minutes etc) walk into the room - it's bedtime baby night night and leave
Do that all consistently and hopefully you'll have it nailed before the newborn comes

Is he in a cot still?
At that age id cut the nap completely.
Similar age dc and naps stopped age 2, i know all kids are different.
Now bed 7pm.till 7am however we do have the odd unsettled night.

If you're due another baby, maybe that's causing him some anxiety. But then again, it could be his age. I used to always put him back in his own bed but lie on the floor until he went to sleep.

He did mess about a bit, but after 2 warnings, I'd leave the room for 5 mins. He'd scream and get upset, but when i came back, he calmed down. I told him it was OK and I'd always come back, but he was not trying to sleep, so I wasn't going to play with him or rest on his floor if he didn't try to sleep. Now, if he wakes, we give him a cuddle and put him back in bed, and he's fine. Sometimes, he tells us he's had a nightmare, and I listen but then straight back to sleep. It is hard putting in the boundaries, but he's much happier knowing what I'll put up with and not.

I would not cut the naps in the day.

I would cut ALL social interaction and fun at night. don't let him into your bed, don't chat or cuddle, be dull and robotic in the night. Is he in a cot or a bed? if bed, have a stair gate on the bedroom door so he can't wander in to you in the night.

At the same time, increase your cuddles / interaction / stories etc in the daytime. give lots of reassurance, read books about what happens when a new baby comes etc.

Also, get outdoors as much as possible in the day - running around and getting physical exercise will help with sleep at night.

@mackerelskymackerelsky Thanks, that's a good idea. I’ve considered a night light but he’s scared of shadows. This age is so sweet but they’re so hyper aware! 🤪

@Woodywasatwat Thank you! I’ve wondered they actually. Lots of changes at home at the moment abs bra hitting some milestones so hopefully it’ll work itself out.

@Smogtopia Thanks, he’s in a cot so at least he’s not coming into our room. We’ve sleep trained him several times, it’s harder as he gets older as he just doesn’t quit. Having said that, your message is a good reminder to keep night wakes brief and boring - we’ve been engaging too much.

He has a cosy bed with soft toys but I liked your tips so this evening I used some of my pillow spray and added one of my t-shirts to his cot. Fingers crossed!

It will be the naps. Mines a bit younger. But she does the same thing if she sleeps too much in the day. We can’t quite drop them as she can’t get through the day so I have to make sure she has one hour only at 12 pm ish and then I keep her up until 8 pm ish. It did take about 10 days to make a difference to her night time sleep though. I’m hoping we can get her to drop the nap and get her to bed at 7 soon.

My son is the same age and we have a 6 week old baby. He was doing this too in the lead up to her being born.
I would agree dropping the nap, maybe some new bed sheets or a star projector to make it more exciting sleeping in his room?
I also considered a tonies box. Luckily it was just a phase and my son is sleeping well again now. Hope you get it sorted soon x