How to say NO!!!

[Veronicablue]

I'm tired of being a pushover.

Old men cat call me? I laugh rather than telling them to do one

Someone at works tells me to do something that is clearly taking advantage and I do it

My partner argues at me and shuts me down rather than me speaking up

A person trying to scam me asks me for money and I can't say no

It's so annoying!!! I'm a small 5ft woman and feel like that thanks to my youthful face I've always been spoken down on or never taken seriously. I will literally endure uncomfortable situations or do something I dont want to do just because I cant find it in me to say no or speak up. I hate myself when I do that soft nervous laugh thing whenever I feel cornered rather than just telling someone what I think.Please share any tips pr tricks on how to be assertive without being rude. Any life changing book suggestions gladly welcome too!

Try an Assertiveness class (colleges have them).

Try Affirmations - there are lots on YouTube.
Tell your partner to fuck right off - he/she has no bloody right to treat you like that.

The first thing is to grow up and stop underestimating and undermining yourself.

What does it matter that you’re a small woman with a youthful face? Does that make you less valid as a person??

Just stop caring what others think and say what you think yourself.

1. catcalls “fuck off”

1. scammer “I’m not interested thank you” followed by “fuck off” if necessary

1. partner - bigger problem. But you need to start valuing yourself. And if he doesn’t then back to answer one.

Stop apologising for the space you take up in the world and stick up for yourself!

I used to be a bit like this. I think it helps to have a few phrases up your sleeve and to remember that you don't actually have to give a definite answer straight away, even if the other person thinks you do. Some examples (in no particular order):

Let me have a think about that.
No. Absolutely not!
<Completely ignore>
I'm not sure if that's appropriate at the moment. Let me speak to my manager and get back to you.

Practice. Try to start by stopping yourself from laughing or doing what has been asked of you to give yourself some space and time to think of what answer you actually want to give. Where it’s someone that you’re with over a period of time, so work rather than cat calling by strangers, if you aren’t happy with your initial response then go back and say that you actually can’t do what you agreed to. It will feel uncomfortable at first if you aren’t used to it but keep trying it and it’ll start to become more natural to you.

Some suggestions that have worked for me (I switch up which one I use depending on the situation)

For people who ask you to do something, put some space between their asking and you responding…I am going to have to think about that..Ill get back to you tomorrow..and then email them that night saying no

For cat callers..just keep ignoring, they arent worth your energy

For scammers..I need to check with my husband/brother/boss..I dont make those decisions on my own. Or please put it in writing/an email..I only consider requests in writing.

Put a big sign that says NO on your fridge, your work computer, on the loo wall, the car glove box. The more you see it, the more you might remember it

If someone is asking you to do something, try asking them, and why should I do that? And let them spin on, if they come back to asking again, but I am busy, tight for money, exhausted etc why should I do that for you?

Everytime you manage to not give in, treat yourself to something small, even if its just an internal hooray.

At work today a patient was trying to bum a fag (sounds dodgy I know!). Both myself and a porter told him we do not smoke. I had to tell him 5 times! The last time I spoke louder and said it slowly. We got there in the end. People just don't listen. I have no trouble saying no to people, I I don't want to help/do something for them etc etc. Say it firmly and don't say I am sorry but.. That sounds weak. "No I don't have/want to...etc etc". If they keep on say no firmly and when they look at you hoping to change your mind get busy with something or look somewhere else.