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Original poster

WWYD - colleagues asking if I’m pregnant

41 replies

Starslighted · 16/03/2023 10:38

This is more of a WWYD.

I found out I’m pregnant last week, so I’m only 5 weeks pregnant atm.

I did an early test because I had a busy week with work socials, both team and clients, and wanted to check before I went out night after night for several nights. So naturally, I didn’t drink at all when I was out and for three of the meals, I barely ate my food (one dinner was steak which I had pre-ordered as medium rare, another dinner was at a Japanese restaurant where the sharing menu was mainly sushi and the third was a lunch with again more raw fish).

Colleagues picked up on that and this week I have had 3 different people ask me if I’m pregnant. I’m not fussed about waiting until 12 weeks to share the news and I don’t mind sharing earlier…but not as early as 5 weeks when it is still so very early and anything can go wrong. Two of my colleagues I brushed off the question (“I wish”, etc) but with the third I just said “it’s too early to be sharing the news but yes”.

I find it incredibly rude to ask such a question when the person who is pregnant may not be ready to share, but I’m now getting really worried that news of my pregnancy is going to spread when my own parents don’t know and I’m so early in the pregnancy.

OP posts:
SuperSange · 16/03/2023 10:42

It's a risk, yea. If you didn't want it getting out, you shouldn't have told them.

MsWhitworth · 16/03/2023 10:43

They absolutely should not be asking you that.

I think that’s what I might reply with: ‘Why are you asking me for private medical information in the workplace?’

Depends if you want them to like you or not though as it’s a bit confrontational.

Original poster
Starslighted · 16/03/2023 10:45

SuperSange · 16/03/2023 10:42

It's a risk, yea. If you didn't want it getting out, you shouldn't have told them.

I know, but I felt to deny would be to lie which I couldn’t bring myself to do.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy
iaapap · 16/03/2023 10:46

they were all very rude asking you

Kranke · 16/03/2023 10:47

I would have probably made up an excuse I had a stomach upset. You know you can eat raw fish/sushi when pregnant?

SBHon · 16/03/2023 10:48

Did you make it clear to the third person that you didn’t want them to tell anyone at all? If you don’t want the news spreading you’ll probably need to.

Hopefully the others will put it out if their minds

SheilaFentiman · 16/03/2023 10:48

They were very rude to ask

Greensleevevssnotnose · 16/03/2023 10:49

It's a difficult situation, if you don't mind giving a bit of info you could say you are getting ready to conceive so being careful. Or tell them not to ask personal questions! Once you are confident to tell them then you can say sorry for fibbing but you know these things are best kept quite till a certain point, but well done. You guessed.

Keeween · 16/03/2023 10:49

It is rude to ask, yes. Unfortunately you were being quite obvious, and so it was bound to be noticed. I think it’s a shame that you felt backed into telling when you didn’t really want to, altho I understand why you did. I was the same when I was in early pregnancy, didn’t want to lie and felt strangely like I was tempting fate to say I wasn’t. Non answers were my friend.

ScottishLavender · 16/03/2023 10:51

Well it'll be out now you've admitted it to someone. Sadly some other people do not see your secrecy as being down to you to break but a way of "I knew first" and then race to be the one to break the news.

With early pregnancy you've got to fake it. Tonic water and ice/lemon. Alcohol free wine. Be the designated driver. Or be on a bit of a health kick where you're watching what you eat? Don't use the "I'm on antibiotics" excuse, everyone sees through it.

Luana1 · 16/03/2023 10:56

Kranke · 16/03/2023 10:47

I would have probably made up an excuse I had a stomach upset. You know you can eat raw fish/sushi when pregnant?

The NHS advises against eating raw fish when pregnant. Cooked fish in sushi is fine, but not raw.

OP it kind of depends on your work culture, if you are all very pally and the lines between your personal and professional lives are blurred, then I can see why people have felt comfortable enough to ask you, even if you feel it is inappropriate. But if they are just colleagues who you have a strictly professional relationship with, then I would be quite firmly tell people to mind their own business.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 16/03/2023 10:59

Health kick, a dry month, any reason really for not drinking alcohol. Get the waiter to pretend to serve you a vodka tonic but make it alcohol free. (Tip generously for the discretion and you might have it actually pay for a vodka tonic to keep the pretence up!) I pretended to drink a glass of wine and occasionally swapped glasses with my then husband so both glasses were always going down. A friend who was watching me like a hawk didn't notice and was surprised when I announced my pregnancy.

Also, I personally I would have thrown up with the smell of raw fish in my first trimester so well done for that!

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 16/03/2023 11:07

It’s rude as shit when people ask this.

On the food issue though, I eat sushi and steak tartare during pregnancy as I love them, for one, but my consultant said there was next to no risk as laws around our food mean the fish and meat has to be frozen in such a way as to keep them safe before consumption.

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 16/03/2023 11:10

Luana1 · 16/03/2023 10:56

The NHS advises against eating raw fish when pregnant. Cooked fish in sushi is fine, but not raw.

OP it kind of depends on your work culture, if you are all very pally and the lines between your personal and professional lives are blurred, then I can see why people have felt comfortable enough to ask you, even if you feel it is inappropriate. But if they are just colleagues who you have a strictly professional relationship with, then I would be quite firmly tell people to mind their own business.

Show quote history

The NHS advises against a lot of things that are perfectly fine because they’re a bit of a blanket resource and they err massively in the side of caution, as some people will interpret things very differently and in ways which will lead to harm. For example, they say no alcohol, because if they said one glass was ok, someone people would take that to mean one bottle (of spirits) is ok.

Also, they advise against anything that potentially may be a risk, to cover themselves legally. In reality, everything is a risk to an extent.

Rainbowshine · 16/03/2023 11:10

“That’s a very personal question!” and change the subject

Kranke · 16/03/2023 11:11

Yes, I lived on sushi when pregnant!! I was under the impression that most had been frozen so ok to eat.

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 16/03/2023 11:13

Kranke · 16/03/2023 11:11

Yes, I lived on sushi when pregnant!! I was under the impression that most had been frozen so ok to eat.

It is fine. I am also a freak apparently as during my first trimester and when I was sick 20 times a day, all I could stomach or would fancy was sushi. Yum.

lieselotte · 16/03/2023 11:15

I pretended to drink a glass of wine and occasionally swapped glasses with my then husband so both glasses were always going down. A friend who was watching me like a hawk didn't notice and was surprised when I announced my pregnancy

Doesn't sound much of a friend! How nosy and intrusive.

It's a bit sad when young women/women of childbearing age have to drink alcohol to avoid people "accusing" them of being pregnant.

purpledalmation · 16/03/2023 11:16

Very irritating but also very observant colleagues!

InSpainTheRain · 16/03/2023 11:16

I think that's very rude of them and not usual tbh. I think stick with the "I wish!" answer and leave it at that. But I'd be pissed off at people asking.

AllOfThemWitches · 16/03/2023 11:22

I'd be so pissed off if someone asked me this. It's such a personal question and not everyone who is pregnant wants to be.

Marynotsocontrary · 16/03/2023 11:22

Kranke · 16/03/2023 11:11

Yes, I lived on sushi when pregnant!! I was under the impression that most had been frozen so ok to eat.

Freezing doesn’t kill the bacteria in food though?
It inactivates them so they don't multiply while frozen, but bacteria will revive when food is thawed again. (Some will die on an individual level, but there will be loads left if the food was contaminated in the first place.)

Scientists who work with bacteria freeze them to store them long term.

furryfrontbottom · 16/03/2023 11:24

That is a very personal question, have these people no boundaries or social skills?

TriggeredByGravy · 16/03/2023 11:25

Your actions told them. I don't think it's rude to ask this question in this scenario.

Whataretheodds · 16/03/2023 11:29

There are loads of reasons why you might be off alcohol /food and none of them are anyone's business.

I'd be tempted to say it's for health reasons and you hope people will respect your privacy by not asking intrusive personal questions.

And if you can, cut the 3rd person off at the pass - let them know that if they tell anyone you'll know who it came from.