I have been thinking for years that I don't think or feel like others do. But recently two big events in my life has brought this back to the front of my mind. Because I can't fathom the people around me reactions.
So for example. Dh has a very young relative diagnosed with a terminal incurable illness. Dh isn't the brightess spark but he knows this diagnosis is bad. I cried on and off the day I heard ( don't worry its all behind closed doors so no one close to the effected person would ever know so it's not about me or a grief vampire or attention seeking). But I'm wondering if my reaction is weird. It didn't impact my day in any way but it was on my mind and I shed a few tears. Dh said 'oh' didn't talk to anyone in his family, not even to check if closer relatives was OK. I'm inclined to think his reaction isn't normal but maybe it's me? The relative is a special person to me, closer than most of his family. Very young, very unfair.
Then I heard my mum might have dementia. Told my sibling. Mum is confused about tests she is having at hospital. Sibling said 'oh shit, I had better go to next appointment' but that was that. No discussion of when next appointment is, what happens if this is dementia. Sibling had no idea if mum needs care the state would spend her estate for example so their is strong denial there and general unawareness. But, I have read up on everything. I'm there googling everything. I'm thinking unless we let mum get on with it alone our lives might be about to implode.
So, I feel to much? Care too much? I'm not a empath. It's not that. But I swing between thinking I'm surrounded by emotionally frigid people and me experiencing things at 150%. I don't feel normal. I can't fathom how for example these two people feel. Which in itself tells me that I know it's me, and it has a name.
But if that's true, do I need to numb off? Save tears for my relatives funeral quietly and privately at the back out of sight. Watch my mum deteriote and wait for the state to scope her up? I love my relative so so much. I can't watch my mum deteriote alone. I don't see how not caring or getting emotionally invested is normal? I don't mention the disparity of how dh and Sibling seem to taking there news so one has any ideas I feel this way. I will never verbalise that i feel this way. I They are happy in denial but it eats me up inside.