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Original poster

Best tactics for a kid to deal with a bully

30 replies

Photosymphysis · 15/03/2023 19:11

My kid, year 7, is being bullied.

He's reported it to school, but it's continued. I've contacted the school and am now waiting to hear how they have dealt with it and how they plan to prevent further "child on child abuse".

But what practical, effective things can he do in the meantime? What has your child found effective?

I've suggested saying loudly "XX why are you so obsessed with me?!" but he thinks that's weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
Photosymphysis · 15/03/2023 19:24

Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Original poster
Photosymphysis · 15/03/2023 19:45

No suggestions then? Nothing's worked or helped for anyone?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 15/03/2023 19:47

Stand up for himself.

Give them a smack, but that's probably not in line with school policy.

Flowersinmai · 15/03/2023 19:49

What kind of bullying. If it’s verbal my DC have found acting as if they don’t exist quite effective.
Does your DC have Friends they will rally round and protect him? Bystanders have culpability as well as the bully.

Luana1 · 15/03/2023 19:50

Name and shame on the class WhatsApp if the parents are not sorting their kid's behaviour out. Seven is young to be a bully so I would blame poor parenting personally.

Luana1 · 15/03/2023 19:50

Luana1 · 15/03/2023 19:50

Name and shame on the class WhatsApp if the parents are not sorting their kid's behaviour out. Seven is young to be a bully so I would blame poor parenting personally.

Ahh just realised year 7 not 7 years old!

Binfire · 15/03/2023 20:00

What a horrible situation for your son, I’m so sorry it’s being allowed to continue. I hope the school put a stop to it
My DS had a bully in his class and occasionally chose to go for my son for a change from bullying some other boys, I remember talking to my DS about the types of things this bully did and said, and the different strategies he could try to diffuse situations but ultimately the school shouldn’t be allowing it.
In our circumstance the lad would try to provoke DS by taking his stuff and squaring up to him etc, and DS had a standard response he used to say, something like ‘I’m not going to fall out with you mate’ or similar, and I encouraged him to say loudly ‘you’re hurting me’ when he got physical but don’t know if he ever actually did as it all happened at school.
As time went on, the school did a lot of whole class/ whole year bullying work and this lad calmed down and they ended up being able to have a laugh together so it all blew over thankfully. I hope your school deal with it quickly and effectively too, I remember the stress and upset it caused us all.

Original poster
Photosymphysis · 15/03/2023 20:05

@Binfire thanks, those are some good ideas.

I did advise saying loudly "you're assaulting me" if it gets physical (it did today).

And thanks @Flowersinmai I think the complete invisibility would work well (I know he can do it, he does it to me when I ask him to pick up his stuff etc!)

@Luana1 I'm not part of a group chat. But I did message the other kid's mum today (assault outside of school because of the strike day) and was surprised to have a reasonable response. I'm hoping the school will start taking it seriously too.

OP posts:
Capricornone1 · 15/03/2023 20:07

I went straight to the parent, it stopped overnight

GarlicGrace · 15/03/2023 20:14

If it's verbal, his main choices are between haughty deafness and quickfire sarcasm. If physical, I'm afraid you have to stand your ground. One thing to remember is that he's very unlikely to be the only target of this child's nasty attention. Kids don't talk about being bullied and abusers are smart enough to separate their targets, so this can be quite a startling thought.

At his age, a group of girls were accosting me nearly every morning. They were basically mugging me on the daily - surrounding and threatening me for money or snacks (depending on what I had; they would go through my stuff). My parents advised me to ask around whether other girls were having the same problem. We got an 'army' together, all arrived early one morning, and surrounded the bullies. Although they were violent kids and we weren't, we acted like we were going to beat them up. I'm delighted to tell you the bullies were shocked to near-silence 😂

They idiotically reported me to the head teacher, which of course meant all of us got to tell the staff the true story. It never happened again; in fact we rarely saw them afterwards.

Flidina · 15/03/2023 20:20

In my experience school did nothing, absolutely useless, so I told them and the bully the next time my daughter was hit she had my permission to retaliate, the girl bullying my daughter thought she was a pushover... until she fought back and smacked her in the face! Funnily enough, left her alone after that and not had a problem with bullying since.

bunny85 · 15/03/2023 20:23

If my child was in this situation, I'd tell them to stand up for themselves, physically. Lots of people would disagree and they would be right, in theory. Sadly, in practice things work differently...

Eightiesgirl · 15/03/2023 20:28

My dh went round to the house and spoke to the parents and it stopped immediately. Obviously, this is risky as it depends on what the parents themselves are like, failing that I'd kick up a real fuss at the school.

johnjomcflynn · 15/03/2023 20:42

Photosymphysis · 15/03/2023 20:05

@Binfire thanks, those are some good ideas.

I did advise saying loudly "you're assaulting me" if it gets physical (it did today).

And thanks @Flowersinmai I think the complete invisibility would work well (I know he can do it, he does it to me when I ask him to pick up his stuff etc!)

@Luana1 I'm not part of a group chat. But I did message the other kid's mum today (assault outside of school because of the strike day) and was surprised to have a reasonable response. I'm hoping the school will start taking it seriously too.

That's good that the parent responded reasonably. Were they aware of the problem before today? I'd build on that alongside making yourself as much of a nuisance as possible with the school.
So sorry your son is experiencing this.

Bronzeisthecolour · 15/03/2023 21:34

Honestly as a teacher we do lots of work about feelings, emotions, consent etc etc. But in reality what stops physical bullying usually is a child retaliating.

AndAway · 15/03/2023 21:52

Hit back. I know you're not supposed to but from my experience it's the only thing that works. Let the bully see that you won't be bullied.

SophiaSW1 · 16/03/2023 07:57

When my younger siblings were bullied I went and warned the kids off. It was instantly effective . An older kid can do the trick. Do you know of anyone who could have a quiet word in this kids ear?

ohfook · 16/03/2023 08:40

Honestly just tell your kid to give him a shove, with the caveat that he might get in trouble at school but you'll back him up. Even if he loses, the other kid'll realise he's not an easy target and move on to someone who is.

I know this sounds like shit advice but I'm a very battle-worn veteran of 'just tell the teacher'.

You could also ask to see school's anti-bullying policy to make sure they're following it, but ultimately school have a duty of care to both kids whereas your only priority is making sure your kid is ok.

ohfook · 16/03/2023 08:42

Capricornone1 · 15/03/2023 20:07

I went straight to the parent, it stopped overnight

Actually this is better advice than mine!

AmberGer · 16/03/2023 08:55

I know I shouldn't say this, as I work in a school but when I have seen a bullied child In the playground (I'm a lunchtime supervisor) hit back, I turn the other way and most staff imo would. Good for them!
We always try our best to prevent/stop bullying, lots of different tactics. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But we do care and try our best.

lightand · 16/03/2023 08:58

My mum taught me years ago, ignore ignore ignore.

Bullies get their kicks from the reactions they get back.
They get bored after a while if no reaction.

Zola1 · 16/03/2023 09:08

The one time another girl tried to push my daughter in year 7 (after lots of verbal/social media stuff between them), mine said she turned round and pushed her back harder and the other girl looked shocked and walked away and hasn't given her any trouble since.

Sarahcoggles · 16/03/2023 09:17

I used my son's phone (with his permission) and texted the bully. I asked for his parents names and address, as I was passing it on to the police. I also asked for his parents phone numbers so I could let them know they'd be receiving a police visit. Obviously I never went to the police but my son was never bothered again.

Alternatively, if your son is strong enough, I would suggest he hits the bully next time he bothers him.

Sarahcoggles · 16/03/2023 09:18

lightand · 16/03/2023 08:58

My mum taught me years ago, ignore ignore ignore.

Bullies get their kicks from the reactions they get back.
They get bored after a while if no reaction.

This works but I think it can take months, and requires incredible restraint. And initially the bully will up the ante to get a reaction, so it gets worse before it gets better.

stbrandonsboat · 16/03/2023 09:31

Pummeling them into next week usually works. I always wish I'd stood up for myself when I was bullied. If I had my time over I'd give them a damn good punch.