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Original poster

Angry at parents.

11 replies

queentromboner · 15/03/2023 15:06

I'm in my 40's now and I'm angry at my parents for ruining my childhood and still ruining my life now.

I've had a short stint of therapy before for other things including this but it didn't really help.

In short, I was raised in an awful household where my parents constantly argued, fought and the ignored each other for weeks/months at a time. The main reason for this was my Mother's jealously and her obsession with other women that she believed my Dad wanted.

They both should have never been together but both never had the balls to call it a day.

They still live this life to this day, they are both in their 70s now. I don't live close to them but within the distance of an hour. They have no friends, no hobbies and spend all their time together.

When they fall out now I'm constantly dragged into their crap which can end up with one of them calling the police on each other.

How can I removed myself from this? I've had this for 40 something years and Ive had enough. My life is actually better when I have little contact with them.

But DH says I can't cut them off because they are my parents and our kids need grandparents.

Was anyone raised like this and how has it affected you?

OP posts:
Brefugee · 15/03/2023 15:08

Sorry you had a shit childhood.
But. You are 40. Just tell them that you aren't joining in their games.
Block their numbers? return their mail unopened?
How do they involve you in these things? on the phone? when you visit?

But DH says I can't cut them off because they are my parents and our kids need grandparents.

he is 100% wrong. Shut that crap down (or is he hoping for inheritance or something?)

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2023 15:10

I'd be telling your husband to stay the fuck out of it and to mind his own business. Your children don't need grandparents like that, and for the sake of your mental health, I strongly advise you to go no contact. Your parents are toxic.

Original poster
queentromboner · 15/03/2023 15:15

@Brefugee no inheritance, they don't have much. I think he just thinks it's your parents so you just can't... 🙄

He has difficulty saying no to his parents so I'm not surprised.

@Aquamarine1029 you've hit the nail on the head, toxic is exactly what they are.

OP posts:

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Families
Justmeandthedog1 · 15/03/2023 15:18

Why would your children need toxic grandparents ?
You can go low contact or no contact as you choose. I went no contact and my dc didn’t even notice the difference.

GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou · 15/03/2023 15:20

Your children don’t need to be exposed to the dysfunction behaviour of their grandparents.

Just keep away.

Original poster
queentromboner · 15/03/2023 15:24

My father is not a nice man and doesn't make contact unless he has fallen out with my Mother. He doesn't really care if he sees my kids or not.

My Mother is obsessed with my Father and can't bear to be apart from him. I feel used by her because when they have fallen out she wants to be here all the time and when they are ok again I don't hear from her and she only wants to come once a week.

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 15/03/2023 15:33

Of course you can cut off your parents! Just stop engaging with them.
(And actually it's not your partner's decision, whatever you do or don't decide).

neilyoungismyhero · 15/03/2023 15:43

They ruined your life, they are still impacting it. They didn't give a shit about the effect on you over the years. Your children don't need grandparents like this and you don't need parents like this.

Ignore your husband's opinion in this case he's wrong.

Original poster
queentromboner · 15/03/2023 15:45

neilyoungismyhero · 15/03/2023 15:43

They ruined your life, they are still impacting it. They didn't give a shit about the effect on you over the years. Your children don't need grandparents like this and you don't need parents like this.

Ignore your husband's opinion in this case he's wrong.

You are totally right, they didn't give a shit and they still don't. Complete selfish bastards, both of them.

They don't have anything to do with their other grandkids ( who are all grown up now ) or my sibling.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 17/03/2023 07:06

oh OP it sounds so hard. I think you can go "low key" LC with them - as in you really don't need to make contact with them and only reply if you really want to. You don't need to tell them or anyone that you are doing this.

Then tell your DH that you don't think it's great parenting to try to force your DCs to have a relationship with such toxic people and he really ought to think about that because it makes you worried for their future. They will learn that they have to accept toxic people in their lives - whereas the fact is, they don't and it is up to the both of you, as parents, to teach them that they don't have to have people like this around them.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 17/03/2023 07:09

My dps were crap. As an adult I realised that. Haven't seen df for 25 years. Dm for 11 after a short reunion but 10 years before that nc also! Can be done. She doesn't see my dc either. And df has no idea how many dgc he even has! Your dh needs to keep his beak out of your business!

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