Chaotic, overwhelmed, depressed, please help.

[Thisisatemporaryname101]

I don't know where to start.
I work from home but do have to go out to meetings at people's houses few times a week. I could go into office but have a dog so I can't.

I struggle to organise work, it's a busy job and I've not been in it for long, I have a lovely manager but I just look at all my piles of scrappy notes and feel like I could cry. I know what I'm doing and it's all manageable, I'm just chaotic, disorganised, overwhelmed. I get very easily distracted so will start one job, leave it half finished, then start something else.
I get overwhelmed with everything that needs doing, housework, kids, dog, meal planning, exercise. Then I just give up and piss about on my phone.

I need some strategies to help me organise my life and get my shit together. My attention span is pathetic and I have so many half finished things.
I also do a lot of sitting around or napping, definitely depressed but I'm on antidepressants. Exercise helps massively yet I can't motivate myself to do it.

Please help.

Definitely recommend a phone lock, I wouldn't be without mine.

Go to the office! I'm similar and that's why I go in quite frequently, despite the commute. Sounds like it would solve most your issues.

Not sure about your dog issue though, does it really need you there all day? Could a walker pop in?

How are you managing at work if you are not completing task? Are you scraping through with minimum standards?

I'm very much of the opinion that if a job is worth doing its worth doing half arsed! So lower your standards!!

Get a page a day diary. Get a 2023 one A4. 10 minutes at start and end of day to plan and reflect. And start the next day list. Any notes go on this page. If you run out pick another date and write an note at bottom of page eg SEE 1st Jan.

A four colour pen is helpful too.

I did some work with pshycological well being practitioner and she was so good. She helped with managing doing things and one I remember is lists of essential, necessary and pleasurable. The and keep it to 3 of each. Essential might be walk dog or it might be get showered and dress or it might be go to clients house. Necessary might be clean kitchen . book mot, buy birthday card, pleasurable might be go on phone, have a takeaway, watch tv.

Good luck

Hi yes my dog can't be left that long sadly, he gets upset if left for even half an hour.

What type do you have?

This one www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B08HZ4LYHM/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

You can't go into the office because you have a dog. Its obvious workng from home isnt allowing you to get through the day in an efficient way. Re-home the dog. And go back into the office.

Yes your post is screaming ADHD

I'm not going to rehome my dog just because I don't like working at home!

Hes very loved!

Would ADHD also explain why I can't cope with any sort of diet/exercise regime?

My dog goes to a daycare twice a week and I go to the office those days and work from home the rest of the week. He loves it and means I have a good hybrid work balance.

Also find time blocking my calendar very useful. So put an hour in to focus on just one task and then have a 5 minute break and either then another half hour or however long to finish that task or time block for another task.

Also find getting outside for a walk at lunch time good when working from home to get out of your work space and clear your mind to start fresh for the afternoon

I have ADHD and struggle with all of this (and endless lists of other things).

You can ask your GP for a referral, the waiting lists are long now though. Or you can pay to go private.

In the meantime you need to read - in whatever format and time chunk works for you - about how to find coping strategies. I've developed some over the years, admittedly some more successful than others, and some o fall off the wagon with for a while, especially if I'm struggling elsewhere in life, the coping is the first thing to go.

My ability to read anything other than fiction is very poor! I lose interest!
Could you possibly share some of your coping strategies?

You say you end up on your phone... could this be the problem ? I find my smartphone to be a massive distraction when it comes to getting stuff done during the working week at home. I've started leaving it upstairs and only check it 2 to 4 times in the day. This way, I'm able to focus on the children, work, meals, cleaning etc etc. My attention span has increased, I'm less irritable. Less angry. More present and overall I feel more 'with it'.

In the evenings, once children are in bed I will go on phone for an hour then put it away and watch some telly for a couple of hours. Whilst trying not to look at phone.

Then I don't check it before bed, because, well why would you want to read an annoying email or message just before trying to sleep ?! I don't. So I don't look.
I make sure I read a few pages of my book which sends me off to sleep in no time. Again, I purposely avoid my phone in bed before sleep because it just makes me feel like shit.

Try leaving the phone out of sight in the house, you never know, it could help. Bit harder if you are receiving work calls/work messages though. If that's the case, you could try deleting social media apps & muting friendship chats on WhatsApp if that's what's distracting you.

Oh yes, I'm totally addicted to my phone. I have actual pain in my hands and arms from being on my phone so much!

The only thing that has helped me is medication. It’s been life changing. It can only be diagnosed and prescribed by a psychiatrist and NHS waiting lists etc are long unless you have means to go private so if you think it’s a possibility I’d get the ball rolling asap. Even privately it took me almost 6months to get to diagnosis - it’s quite in depth contrary to some recent media coverage.

if it is ADHD many regular suggestions of how to help yourself in this scenario are unlikely to help - I’ve bought all the planners and written all the lists 🤣

Can I message you?

It's interesting to read responses from posters, I think there's a solid difference between people writing from a ND perspective and a NT one.

Some strategies I've managed to put in place that have (eventually) stuck, with about an 85% success rate -

• key bowl by the front door. Unlock door, throw keys directly into bowl, do not put them down or in your pocket or leave them in the front door, do not pass go and do not collect £200. Bowl.

• bowl is also useful for small things you need to remember if you're going out in the morning, as you will obviously forget them unless they're in exactly the right place they need to be, when you need them.

• use an online calendar system that links to all your devices. Laptop, phone, watch, iPad etc, sync them all. Put everything in the calendar. Everything. You will probably ignore it for days at a time but at least it's all in there for when you do need it. Bonus points for sharing your calendar with another person.

• fuck off all the "work from one notebook" things, if it hasn't worked for you thus far, it's not going to. Everyday I use a fresh sheet of paper and scribble all my nonsense onto it, it'll look like you've gone mental but it will make sense to you, and that's all that matters. You can keep the sheets of paper for the week and make sure everything is done, anything that has stayed on there for over a week probably didn't need to be there in the first place, and could have waited (put it in the calendar).

• three beverages are your friend. Water is great, but it gets dull, so you need something (a smaller quantity than the water) tasty to give your brain a dopamine kick every now and then. Small glass of juice or the occasional can of coke. Third is the tea/coffee option. Coffee can often make people with ADHD more lethargic rather than perk them up, so beware of this and adjust your intake accordingly. I need two coffees in quick succession, but before noon. Your dehydrated dopamine starved brain will thank you.

• work focus wise, try background noise, like generic coffee shop noise on Spotify or YouTube. Sounds insane but really helps.

• I don't know what kind of job you do but I need deadlines or I don't feel any pressure to actually do anything. I will merrily float around doing bollocks all until I'm 8 hours from a deadline and then I'll work furiously. Do you have deadlines? If not, can you see if someone can set some for you? I work best under pressure, sometimes you need to up the anti to get everything to shift gear.

I've been sat here thinking as I've been typing and I've realised that 'coping strategies' are essentially things I've had to do since being a child in order to function and not look bonkers, so I'll stop now, or I'll just be writing about how I do literally everything.

Oh, bonus tip - I am shit at remembering to do routine things like wash my face and brush my teeth so now I have a pot on the kitchen shelf by the sink with my toothbrush, toothpaste and cleanser in. I even hung a little mirror in there. That really really helps me on a very basic functioning level.

@Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday I haven't tried medication yet, I want to but I'm a bit scared of what will happen if the 'traits' are medicated out of me...who even am I?!

Thank you that's a really great post. What's Nt and ND?

@Thisisatemporaryname101 of course! Message away

@Hartlebury i also swear by the key bowl - I get positively irate if anyone dares move them, if not in bowl they may as well have been thrown into a black hole. My lip balm lives there too. I had exactly the same fears about medication, and I still think that a late adhd diagnosis should come with some counselling to process the grief/anger ‘who am I?’ ‘Who could I have been?’ type questions I wrangled with and I’m sure others do too. What I would say is that the medication is temporary- it doesn’t fix anything fundamentally just allows a different level of functioning. If you don’t like the effects it’s out of your system by the next day.

I would try medication definitely.
Is another symptom total lethargy, lack of motivation, depression? I'm so low energy then other times I go s bit frantic and do loads. Also when I write, type I miss out loads, it's all a bit manic.

Oh and why everything I own is a chaotic mess? My clothes are everywhere all messed up yet all family have theirs all tidy and put away.

Yes! 😂