Cheer me up with stories of your nightmare teens that came good please particularly if have adhd

[HeBeaverandSheBeaver]

I feel really down.

Dd had a diagnosis after xmas after years of school refusal on and off. She got her GCSEs but is now dropping out (most likely) off sixth form. She is burnt out

However she won't listen to me at the moment and we are trying meds so I've taken a massive step back for
My own mental health.

Please cheers
Me up if you have a teen that's turned life around after a similar experience. I'd love to read your stories.

DS2 now an adult in mid 20s and his teens seem a distant memory. It was a complete nightmare at the time.

@Mumsafan what changed for him?

In my teens I failed my first year of sixth form and spent all of my free time (and some of the time I should have been sleeping) playing computer games. I didn't move out of home till I was 25.

Now I'm in my 30s running my own business, with a partner and daughter and living a very comfortable life.

I'm 95% confident I have ADHD and those who know me also agree it would come as no surprise if I was ever formally diagnosed as such.

Well I was that teen. Dropped out of school. Went to college. Went to uni. Dropped out. Utter mess, didn’t leave the house for about a year.

I sorted myself out early 20’s. It’s only now I realise I had undiagnosed ADHD. I’m not really sure what advice to give other than do what my mum did - resolutely refuse to give up on them.

keep loving her, keep encouraging her, and realise that the way school and education are set up are not right for all kids. She might well do better in vocational stuff. Does she have any hobbies/passions? Encourage her in those.

I now run my own business, sole trader with turnover of £65k p/a, profit £40k. Because I obsessed about my hobby and turned it into a business.

She can get through this. Keep loving her and help her heal from the burnout.

Thankyou for the reply's
May I ask what changed in your 20s. Did maturing click in
Frustration at your life. Im curious to understand the turning points.

I would guess freedom from school/college restrictions . He is gay also , which added to the issues, and although very clever just didn't bother at school, but managed to get on a college course which wasn't as bad but there were still issues.

He has always worked but has to be in work where he is constantly on the go, so apart from a period working for us (construction), it's been hospitality and he's now in a management position.

We are in a rural area but as soon as he was able he moved to a city and then moved down to London . He has to feel like he has no restrictions on him, even though he obviously has some as he works and has bills to pay.

There are still odd occasions where his inner teenager rears its head but we know how to deal with this now. I think our understanding growing has also helped. He has also learnt how to deal with his anxiety which is borne of his ADHD (and mild dyspraxia). It has been as much a learning curve for him as us.

It wasn't an overnight fix.

DS1, although not a nightmare was diagnosed aged ten. He had absolutely no interest in school but attended. He joined a vocational college course at the local tech aged 16. 6th form and Uni would never have been a good fit for him.
Part of his condition was his tunnel vision/obsession with cars. We always encouraged this, paying for driving lessons and helping him buy a car so he could look further afield for opportunities. He found an apprenticeship (an hour's drive from home) with a smallish company that hand builds sports cars. His knowledge helped him gain the place that hundreds had applied for. He's now an fabricator and precision welder in a career he loves. His attention to detail when interested makes him great at it.
He met his fiancée aged 16. Ten years later they own their own home and are getting married next year and planning a family. I worried when he was young but once he found what worked for him he flew.
His sister is very academic and her route in life will be completely different. It doesn't necessarily mean she will be more successful. I think you have to support them in finding what works for them. I also understand that not all DC with ADHD are the same.

For me a mixture of things, I was determined to follow my passion and determined to get out of my parents house. I did a lot of work on my mental health and wellbeing though I wouldn’t have phrased it that way at the time. Maturing definitely helped.

I suspect my H has ADHD. He was a nightmare teenager, not helped by the lack of any emotional closeness/advice/understanding from his parents, and their laissez faire parenting. Lots of trouble in and out of school as he thrives on taking risks. An unkind teacher even told him that he would never amount to anything. Now in his 30s, he has a great career, we own our home, have a lovely son. H is very, very difficult to live with, and obviously the situation is different from your DD's as he is undiagnosed and would probably get very upset if I suggested ADHD, but just sharing this as an example that even someone who is not aware of the condition and had no parental support can do well with regards to jobs etc. I think what helped him was a mixture of wanting to be as different as possible from his parents, being very ambitious, trying to prove that teacher and others wrong, trying to impress me (we met in early 20s), perhaps some good luck too, but also his inability to "stay still" as this meant he was (is) always looking for new opportunities and new things to try within his field, he changed jobs many times and now has a lot of experience despite his age. It definitely helps too that he is doing something he is genuinely interested in.

Ds at age 15 was a cannabis addict. He would often disappear for hours or even overnight. He stole from us. The police had to bring him home one day. It was a bloody nightmare! I cried every night.

At 17 he suddenly decided to get his act together, he realised his life was going nowhere, and he wanted a future. He managed to get a job and started saving . At 20 he went to college to get some qualifications. He’s 27 now and is a qualified radiographer specialising in radiotherapy.

DD was diagnosed with ADHD last May, aged 17. She'd had a truly awful time during the pandemic (suffered badly with the "home learning", and was also assaulted by some school bullies). Some risky behaviour (previously low key, and completely outside of our awareness) escalated, and she also started self harming. It was all very shocking and distressing.

We lucked out with finding a brilliant therapist, and her ADHD diagnosis and medication have all turned things around for her. She's been making excellent choices in her life, steered by her better self-knowledge. I can't tell you how proud I am of her!