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Original poster

Post divorce - moving out of London to where?

48 replies

Fishingforhelp · 13/03/2023 19:47

I currently live in London with STB-ex and 4 DC (aged 16-21). I have (stupidly) been a SAHM for 22 years and am soon going to have to work (which I’m looking forward to, albeit I am realistic that it will be a poorly paid, menial job as I have no experience). When the divorce goes through, we will split everything approx 50-50 (as kids will be over 18 by then) and I will need to move as London will be out of the question because I still desperately want to provide a home for the DCs (who will be at uni or on the verge of going but need somewhere to live in the hols). Btw, my ex plans to stay in London and will only be able to afford a 2-bed flat with his share of the equity so won’t be in a position to house them. The court won’t consider their housing in divorce proceedings as they will be over 18 (never mind that they need somewhere to live in Uni holidays!)

So I was thinking of which city to move to where I can get a 3 or 4 bed house or flat using the equity generated when we sell our current London house (I won’t be eligible for a mortgage). Approx £400k I reckon. Also, it is important that said new city has good job prospects for DC graduates and a decent public transport network.

It is all rather overwhelming and I was thinking perhaps Sheffield or Liverpool but would be very grateful for your suggestions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fishingforhelp · 14/03/2023 22:35

LondonBricks · 14/03/2023 22:29

Just to add. have you asked your children about this?
It does sound as if you have those expectation that they will study and then live and work in the same city as you? They cant possibly say now how they will feel in 6 years time and it isnt fair to put an expectation on them.

Are they not much more likely to want to get back to London?

I don’t have that expectation at all. I fully appreciate it is highly likely some will gravitate towards London and that is totally fine. I just want a house big enough so I can give them a home while at uni and the OPTION to live with me afterwards while job hunting/starting out.

OP posts:
speedygreedy · 14/03/2023 22:45

If you have been a SAHM for a long time in a long marriage I’m wondering why the financial split here is 50-50?

qpmz · 14/03/2023 22:49

What about your friends and relatives, where do they live? It will be nicer if they're close by. Moving to a random town far away might be quite difficult if you know no one to meet for lunch etc.
think of transport links too.
It's good value in places like Crawley with great links to London but it does depend on where your friends and family are?

Interested in this thread?

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General money Relationship problems
qpmz · 14/03/2023 22:56

I'd live here! www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/132204716

Dodgeitornot · 14/03/2023 22:57

@qpmz You could not pay me to live in Crawley.

CrapBucket · 14/03/2023 23:01

Do you have a lawyer? Don't agree to equity split, without agreeing pension split at the same time. Take it from me who did it all wrong!!

Ohlalahair · 14/03/2023 23:05

Where in London are you? When I was going back home from uni I was going back to see my parents but also my school friends. I would find somewhere easily commutable to the bit of London where you used to live. They aren’t going to be wanting to trek it up to Newcastle away from everything they’ve known or get a train to London from Newcastle and back for a job interview in London.

Dartmoorcheffy · 14/03/2023 23:09

I moved to Devon from London. Best decision I ever made.
You can easily buy a lovely house and have plenty of money left over.

PizzaPastaWine · 14/03/2023 23:12

How about Cardiff? Reasonable prices housing, train line to London and Bristol and Swansea in easy reach with all cities having good universities.

Cardiff itself is a fantastic city and close to the coast and mountains.

Justmeandthedog1 · 14/03/2023 23:12

Wherever you choose I’d say go for cash purchase of a house if you can. Having a mortgage could be a worry if you think your employment might be precarious.
If you can afford a 4 or 5 bedroom house always consider you could have a lodger. Rent a room income is tax free up to quite a high threshold. A passive income towards living costs or pension?
Don’t forget stamp duty ( check if you count as first time buyer on your own, I don’t know set up on that) legal fees and removal costs.
Best of luck wherever you choose.

Fiddlersgreen · 14/03/2023 23:13

LondonBricks · 14/03/2023 22:27

Honestly don't
Try and stay in London-the children can sleep on the floor in his flat or yours. Once they leave university they can live on their own with friends.

Do you have a job now? Even on a basic London £15 an hour you would be able to get a small mortgage to top up your £400k (you can get a mortgage up to at least 67)

I would get a 1 bed flat in Westminster or Pimlico and enjoy being single in central London.

What basic jobs do you know that pays £15 an hour?
the op hasn’t worked for 20 years she’s not going walk straight into a nearly £30k salary.

op, I agree with others that whilst a new start somewhere sounds perfect for you right now, your kids will want to be able to see their friends and Dad when they are “home” with you so somewhere they can easily travel from would be ideal

saraclara · 14/03/2023 23:14

I'd look at places on a commuter line to London (but outer end). If you're on a mainline, anything other than advance fares for your kids will cost a fortune. So look at the Thameslink lines etc that will get your kids into London (say from Bedford) in an hour or less for a fixed and affordable off peak price and no fuss. Then they can get to keep up with their school friends and see their dad.

neitherofthem · 14/03/2023 23:25

speedygreedy · 14/03/2023 22:45

If you have been a SAHM for a long time in a long marriage I’m wondering why the financial split here is 50-50?

What would you suggest?

LondonBricks · 15/03/2023 00:02

Fiddlersgreen · 14/03/2023 23:13

What basic jobs do you know that pays £15 an hour?
the op hasn’t worked for 20 years she’s not going walk straight into a nearly £30k salary.

op, I agree with others that whilst a new start somewhere sounds perfect for you right now, your kids will want to be able to see their friends and Dad when they are “home” with you so somewhere they can easily travel from would be ideal

Show quote history

In London? Every single one. Every food outlet near us. Its the London minimum wage. My 18 year old niece earns £25 an hour on her gap year.

Fiddlersgreen · 15/03/2023 00:07

@LondonBricks i also live in London and I earn less than £15 an hour

Newjobformoremoney · 15/03/2023 00:11

@Fiddlersgreen London living wage is £12. My local pub is paying £18 hour (and they can’t bloody fill the position). People are paying nannies £18 an hour plus taxes

LondonBricks · 15/03/2023 00:12

Fiddlersgreen · 15/03/2023 00:07

@LondonBricks i also live in London and I earn less than £15 an hour

Do you work in central London?
Of course there are lots of jobs that pay less than £15 an hour (TAs for example) but there are also lots of jobs that pay £15 an hour- but they may not be the most desirable jobs and include shifts.

My DD works late/nightshift/early shift in a supermarket whilst studying and is on £15 a hour plus food discounts!

LondonBricks · 15/03/2023 00:14

Agree about the pubs- our local always has a sign up.
Its about £15 an hour they offer plus free meals.

Fiddlersgreen · 15/03/2023 00:17

LondonBricks · 15/03/2023 00:12

Do you work in central London?
Of course there are lots of jobs that pay less than £15 an hour (TAs for example) but there are also lots of jobs that pay £15 an hour- but they may not be the most desirable jobs and include shifts.

My DD works late/nightshift/early shift in a supermarket whilst studying and is on £15 a hour plus food discounts!

Show quote history

You just said above that £15 an hour was the London minimum wage. That’s not correct, that’s all I was pointing out.
I am an admin supervisor in an office, working 9-5 Mon-Fri and my pay is £14.07 per hour, I have worked up to this role over the past 3 years so not something someone can just walk into after 20 years of unemployment

LondonBricks · 15/03/2023 00:22

Fiddlersgreen · 15/03/2023 00:17

You just said above that £15 an hour was the London minimum wage. That’s not correct, that’s all I was pointing out.
I am an admin supervisor in an office, working 9-5 Mon-Fri and my pay is £14.07 per hour, I have worked up to this role over the past 3 years so not something someone can just walk into after 20 years of unemployment

Show quote history

Point taken

I meant that £15 is the wage that you can relatively easily get in London as an unskilled worker. It is in effect the minimum wage because that is what you have to pay as a minimum to attract and retain staff. If you pay less they just jump to a job that pays a bit more.

LondonBricks · 15/03/2023 00:25

Fiddlersgreen · 15/03/2023 00:17

You just said above that £15 an hour was the London minimum wage. That’s not correct, that’s all I was pointing out.
I am an admin supervisor in an office, working 9-5 Mon-Fri and my pay is £14.07 per hour, I have worked up to this role over the past 3 years so not something someone can just walk into after 20 years of unemployment

Show quote history

Sounds like you are underpaid!
But 9-5 is attractive and many jobs have an element of shift these days .

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